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Hi i'm new and have spent 30k in 18 months to get 3 support payments urrrrg!

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  • Hi i'm new and have spent 30k in 18 months to get 3 support payments urrrrg!

    hi,

    18 months ago i finally tracked down daddy, he has a 15 year old with me and he basically made himself scarce when we split. since we were not married i didnt' have any spousal issues, he just left and i didn't know i could get child support from him at the time (1995).

    18 months ago i tracked him down, asked for support, he lead me on for 4 months and then told me if i expected him to pay the guideline amount i would have to take him to court, said he wanted his day in court because the judge would grant him a decrease because he's broke (makes 100K, one other dependant, single, lives alone - but not if you count his girlfriend who has no kids .

    tried to find him, finally went ahead and filed in court (but had not address to serve him), postponed for another few months until i finally found him (idiot posted stuff on myspace, what a goof!). served him and then he denied he was child's father (yet he admitted in an unrelated family court affadavit that he was her father and she was his legal dependant - again, what a goof) and he played the 'I want a dna test to prove it'.

    Dna was proven a year after i first asked him, 6 months after i filed in court..... he did not show up in court twice, case held over, no case conference until 14 months late.

    Case conference threw out his ignorance plea (said he didn't know it was his child until dna proved it), judge said that was the end of it when his lawyer tried to insist on again.

    She said the original contact I claimed was a good starting point for child support (18 months ago, not the 13 months ago he then tried for).

    I have asked for some special expenses, revealed my full financials and he is still lying on his financial statement (says he's single but he's got a live-in, says he rents yet he purchsed a condo last year, has some small businesses that he does not file tax returns for).

    Now i am up to 28K in legal fees!

    I am asking him for 40K in child support and expenses and we haven't gone to court yet!

    the jugde allowed us a questioning so we can get to the bottom of his financials etc. He did not want to do the questioning, we want it so we are proceeding. at the last minute he decided he wanted to question me but it's too late for me to change my summer plans. now we are going to have a second questioning so they can question me even though they don't have anything to prove or find out by doing so.

    basically he is wasting my money, he did not have a lawyer until 2 months ago and now he wants to settle. he made an offer, i made an offer in exchange. he has not responded to mine and will not negotiate: his idea of negotiation and settling is for me to do as he wishes and to take his offer.

    i cannot afford to negotiate with myself nor can i ask for less.

    the frustrating thing is that i am being financially penalized by having to chase his for support and the expenses. is there anything i can do to get him to start acting in good faith and to settle this thing?

    Is is always this expensive to chase someone for child support and why won't my lawyer ask for legal fees during the negotiation since he's given me the run around and clearly lied in every single affadavit he's submitted.

    stupid naive me told the truth in all of mine

    a very frustrated dalia

  • #2
    Wow, the legal system loves you!

    Comment


    • #3
      I changed lawyers and i have no idea how to stop the bleeding. ex keeps doing silly things that cause me to have to respond, makes very serious allegations that must be dealt with.

      i do not want to continue, his lawyer is now making me attend a questioning on 6 days notice after ignoring our reasonable deadline. my inclination is to have him attend the questioning that we gave him notice for weeks ago and to just not show up and to hope that they will not want to pay for a second questioning that will yield nothing from their end.

      the reason for my questioning is to investigate his income, his reason is for same, except he has no reason to do so and his questioning will yield nothing, it's just another money waster.

      how do you rein in the lawyers? i don't think there is a way to negotiate with him as he's a hot head, abusive (blasted the plaster off the walls in the courthouse when he started on my lawyer - totally embarassing), he's a bully and will not accept a compromise.

      I was hoping that once he got a lawyer and started spending money he would give in.

      at this point for me it's a waiting game, costly for both of us.

      dal

      Comment


      • #4
        Sometimes you just have to step back and decide what is more valuable...no support and joy of having your child without interference of an ex...or support battles and miss out on all the time you could have spent with your child. I know after 8 years of battling...I wish I had done some things very differently. My children are grown up now but I wish I had spent more time with them than in a court room or learning the legal system...to say what? I won...what I spent in the beginning in legal fees could have gone into my childrens' schooling or vacation together....the legal system rapes those who just want to win...in the end...there is no winners.

        Comment


        • #5
          Please call my ex wife

          I should give you my ex wifes number and you can tell her your story. I pay exactly what I'm suppose to and increase it when I make more money. I also provide a full benefit package for the boys at 100%. She still tries to hound me constantly about everything. She is the one who ended the marriage and the one who cheated on me. Just bitter I can't explain it. She even married the guy she cheated on me with and had another kid. I just want to get on with my new life with my wonderful wife and new son. It causes such headaches with my new wife with the constance harrassment. We have been divorced since 1998. Move on already. I just think she is jealous because I'm happy and have moved on with my life and doing well. I'm not even bitter with her for cheating. I'm sick of the constant games and harrassment though.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by nikitaforce View Post
            Sometimes you just have to step back and decide what is more valuable...no support and joy of having your child without interference of an ex...or support battles and miss out on all the time you could have spent with your child. I know after 8 years of battling...I wish I had done some things very differently. My children are grown up now but I wish I had spent more time with them than in a court room or learning the legal system...to say what? I won...what I spent in the beginning in legal fees could have gone into my childrens' schooling or vacation together....the legal system rapes those who just want to win...in the end...there is no winners.
            So i've found out. it doesn't seem fair that unless you have tons of $'s you can't bring your ex to task, especially if they already know how to bleed you in the system.

            where is the justice in that?

            with me i have to admit that it's a principle thing (not vengence). this guy actually wrote some horrible things about me in his affadavits (ie that i told him this was someone else's child when we split, that i had countless affairs, that he didn't know he had a child - that was a good one - and that he didn't know it was his child and made my daughter and i get a dna test to prove it the week before christmas.), all this when he swore a court affadavit a year after he claims we split up saying he was her father and that he was responsible for her under the law.

            When i read all that stuff i automatically thought of how unfair it was for my daughter and how horrible it was for him to have put this stuff in a public record. he is shameless and selfish.

            The latest is he sent me an email saying that he would like to settle and that he 'really is a good father'. I nearly barfed when i read that: ya right, you left when she was 2, then had communication with her directly via email when she was 13, then dropped her like a stone again a month later and made me hunt him like a dog to even get basic child support and never told my daughter why he wasn't returning her emails.

            this guy isn't broke, he makes over 100K and yet he's 'not a wealthy person' and was trying to plead hardship.

            me on the otherhand am good, don't need his support. i finally got a couple of cheques a couple of months ago and put them aside for my daughter's future. i am proud of two things, firstly i've kept her ignorant of this whole drama (she has no idea of all this) and that i am not in this 'just for the money' because i have lots of my own and this is her money in trust. with me it's the principle.

            i will not block him from seeing her (but he doesn't want to because he hasn't told his other 16 year old daughter she has a sister - she did live with us while we were together and was young enough to not realize who we were - she knew her sister until she was 2, then we saw her no more). as i said, i won't stop her from seeing him if he wants to but i'm confident he won't. he's told everyone that he 'just found out' he had a daughter, that i got pregnant and didn't tell him yada, yada, yada...

            where's the justice in a system where an individual intentionally lied and ran away, and lied some more in court affadavits to which i had to respond costing me a fortune in fees?

            who is out there telling these manipulators that if you lie in an affadavit (which is demeaning and costly and hurtful to the recipient) that it's NOT OK?

            why do the judges ignore this crap when all the while the hired lawyers are doing their best to assist their clients, what's the lawyer supposed to do? Just say oh, that's ok, you've already spent 5K on this and you should just walk away?

            why does our legal system allow such atrocious behavior that costs the other so much money and not punish them for thier brazen lies (the ones that can be proven with documentation that is)?

            how does a layperson know all this going into it, when emotions and anger rise to the surface almost immediately?

            it's just not fair is all i can say, especially if you don't have the disposeable cash to share with your lawyer.

            dal

            Comment


            • #7
              i just don't get it

              Originally posted by enoughalready View Post
              I should give you my ex wifes number and you can tell her your story. I pay exactly what I'm suppose to and increase it when I make more money. I also provide a full benefit package for the boys at 100%. She still tries to hound me constantly about everything. She is the one who ended the marriage and the one who cheated on me. Just bitter I can't explain it. She even married the guy she cheated on me with and had another kid. I just want to get on with my new life with my wonderful wife and new son. It causes such headaches with my new wife with the constance harrassment. We have been divorced since 1998. Move on already. I just think she is jealous because I'm happy and have moved on with my life and doing well. I'm not even bitter with her for cheating. I'm sick of the constant games and harrassment though.
              wow enoughalready,

              i just don't get it how the people that love their kids and honor their responsibilities get dumped on.

              what's wrong with these parents? are they all mentally ill? in your case after 11 years she should give it a rest. it can't be good for the kids as any time i've met a friend out for vengance for their ex they always talk about it around the kids and ultimately make them very confused about how they should act towards the other parent. that can do no good, those poor kids have to hide their feelings from their angry parent and they quickly learn that it's not only acceptable but also essential to deceive loved ones. kids learn from their parents and if one is acting poorly for so much of their childhoods, they are in danger of learning some really poor relating skills, sets them up for disaster in their own adult relationships unless there is a strong, stoic, responsible parent that stays out of the fray and gives them the stability they crave.

              i feel for you!

              dal

              Comment

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