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  • We need things to change

    My husband gets his two children ever wednesday after school and keeps them till thursday and brings them to school, and also get the every other Friday saturday andsunday night , then drives them to school on monday morning.

    They have their own bedrooms here filled with cloths and toys and everything they need or want(I want them to know this thier HOME TOO)

    This court order has been in place for 7 years, we now want to change it a bit.

    My question is will we get joint custody if they dont get along, or well we have to just fight for Shared custody, and if its shared custody do you have to fight for it or will a judge usually grant it. Also what will we need to prove we have them this often..

    Because the MOM will not let us have them more if the money she gets is effected. She already let us know this

  • #2
    couple of points you may want to make clearer.

    First is the arrangement that you have now, is that the one that is court ordered?

    Second, if it isn't then what was court ordered?

    Comment


    • #3
      What kind of custody does your husband have now? Does he have joint custody with the children's primary residence being with their mother and him having access? Or does the mother have sole custody with dad having access?

      Either way, the only way you could possibly get a change in physical custody is if you proved that it would be far more beneficial for the children to live with you and their dad than in their current residence with their mom. Judges are not keep on uprooting children on a parent's whim. There needs to be valid undisputable proof that the kids will be far better off with the other parent before taking them away from their primary residence.

      Why, may I ask, do you and your husband want the physical custody to change now?

      Comment


      • #4
        It is a court order that was put in place 8.5 years ago

        Comment


        • #5
          My husband has acsess rights to his children this was a court order made 8 .5 years ago

          He gets the kids on wednesday for 4 hr and every other weekend

          we only fallow that when they are not getting along, that is what is frusturateing, she will through the court order in our faces to punish us. We have kept track of the days they are with us and this year it was 177 days, my husband was laid off so he took them as much as he could,

          We want it to change cause their life stlye at home is not good
          i know everyone can pick on their ex but these are the things we cant let just slip by any more
          * they have moved 7 time in 6 year
          *8 the 12 year old has been in 7 schools
          *missed the last 3 or 4 debtist appt (daughter has a lot of dental work *needed to be done, retainers and braises)(son has on tooth that has 4 cavities on it)
          * the dentist called us to see if they could just use are number as a contact cause mom doesn't bring them
          * duaghter need glasses and mom called her adrama queen, when I brought her the doc said her eyes were bad for her age and needs to wear glasses all the time

          and the straw that broke the camels back was Christmas
          We asked if we could have them for one hour to open presents with our duaghter who is five and she said no, but let them go sleep at a friend house that night.

          But we have no say cause that is what the court orders says we dont get them on christmas

          ** my husband was 15 when he had his daughter, and 18 when he had his son, but has been thier every step of the way never ran, soo when he left he was 19 and thats is the same court order that still stands, He now is 29 and married we own our house we have been hee for 7 years, a lot has changed we need change

          Comment


          • #6
            8.5 years is a very good status quo, with which you could apply to vary with.
            I would certainly seek to vary and stat the status quo access regime, making certain to avoid mentioning anything about the behaviour of the custodial parent.
            Point out the old order and how this has physically varied for the last 8+ years and ask to have an order reflect the current status quo.

            Stay child focused, as the courts will frown on any attempt to make the custodial parent “look bad”. If she chooses to do this it will look that much better for your claim, do not get pulled into her games. Focus on the best interests of the children and state that if the request to vary is permitted you would have the ability to attend to the one child’s dental requirements that have gone unattended to, ( do not say it’s because of negligence on the custodial parent’s part, only that it will allow you to help the children more).
            As well as help with the braces and glasses issues etc.

            Comment


            • #7
              Might not be feasible, but... Is the only reason mom won't let you have the children more because she is worried her support payments will decrease (and CTB, GST, if applicable)?

              If so, is there any way that you could keep the status quo money wise but spend more time with the kids? I realize that it isn't the "proper" way to do things, but if it's feasible and would allow to avoid the whole court drama, fighting, time and energy... Could you just take the kids more and let her keep the money she has now?
              I mean, it's sad that it would come down to the money but if you figure into it the legal costs... It may balance out.
              Of course this only applies if you would like to have the children more often, not all of the time. Just an idea.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by kassie22 View Post
                Might not be feasible, but... Is the only reason mom won't let you have the children more because she is worried her support payments will decrease (and CTB, GST, if applicable)?

                If so, is there any way that you could keep the status quo money wise but spend more time with the kids? I realize that it isn't the "proper" way to do things, but if it's feasible and would allow to avoid the whole court drama, fighting, time and energy... Could you just take the kids more and let her keep the money she has now?
                I mean, it's sad that it would come down to the money but if you figure into it the legal costs... It may balance out.
                Of course this only applies if you would like to have the children more often, not all of the time. Just an idea.
                I've been waiting for someone to make that point for some time now.

                Cynically speaking that might rip the facade off the reason that some (not all, some, as in ones that don't need the $$) primary residence parents who don't need the money refuse to agree to something like this.

                Anyone out there done this?

                Comment


                • #9
                  You mean... have the role of a primary parent AND pay child support? It sounds absurd, but I'm sure there are a lot of custodial parents out there who are receiving child support who'd agree to such an arrangement if you handed them a notarized agreement saying you will continue to pay them the current amount of child support. Sad, but true.

                  What irks me most is how there are so many non-custodial parents who incur custodial parent costs while paying child support at the same time. My hubby, for instance, who see's his son every-other-weekend and pays the table amount of child support to the child's mother plus his proportionate share of daycare fees and 50% of all other extraordinary expenses... and all the while we keep a fully furnished room, clothing for all seasons (from underwear to shoes), sporting equipment (e.g., skiing and skating equipment, golf clubs, bicycles, toboggans, etc.) and everything else a custodial parent should provide for his son. On top of that, we pay for 100% of any lessons, activities or camps we think the child would like to participate in during his time with us. Heck, the child has more belongings at our home than he does at his "primary residence" with his mom! And yet, none of this is taken into consideration when determining the amounts of child support. Because non-custodial parents are expected to "pay double" by providing for their child(ren) at their primary residence (usually with the bio-mom) as well as providing for their child(ren) in their own home. After all, how many non-custodial parents out there really have their kid(s) sleep on the couch or floor and wear the same clothes all weekend long, because "it's just every-other-weekend...?"

                  Just my two cents.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    No, I just meant that a non-custodial parent might consider asking for a little more access, closer to 50/50 but not primary residence, and keep the CS as an inducement to the custodial parent just to allow the non-custodial parent more time with the children.

                    BTW, shouldn't the custodial parent also pay a proportionate share of section 7 expenses when the child is in programs in which the child was registered by the non-custodial parent? Why are you paying 100% of those costs?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      For StepMOM

                      Because you try to do the best for your step child inspite of being a NCP,doesn't mean everyone is alike.
                      My kids have a hard time at my ex.When they come back after two sleepless nights ,the first thing they want is a bath folowed by food and sleep.Inspite of giving extra pair of everything they will come unchanged.They don't have a bed there and to top up my ex's new partner has a 12 year old who keeps on telling my 5 year old I HATE YOU.
                      My 5 year old asked me that she will drop every gift if I promise not to send her to her father for overnights.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by #1StepMom View Post
                        You mean... have the role of a primary parent AND pay child support? It sounds absurd, but I'm sure there are a lot of custodial parents out there who are receiving child support who'd agree to such an arrangement if you handed them a notarized agreement saying you will continue to pay them the current amount of child support. Sad, but true.

                        What irks me most is how there are so many non-custodial parents who incur custodial parent costs while paying child support at the same time. My hubby, for instance, who see's his son every-other-weekend and pays the table amount of child support to the child's mother plus his proportionate share of daycare fees and 50% of all other extraordinary expenses... and all the while we keep a fully furnished room, clothing for all seasons (from underwear to shoes), sporting equipment (e.g., skiing and skating equipment, golf clubs, bicycles, toboggans, etc.) and everything else a custodial parent should provide for his son. On top of that, we pay for 100% of any lessons, activities or camps we think the child would like to participate in during his time with us. Heck, the child has more belongings at our home than he does at his "primary residence" with his mom! And yet, none of this is taken into consideration when determining the amounts of child support. Because non-custodial parents are expected to "pay double" by providing for their child(ren) at their primary residence (usually with the bio-mom) as well as providing for their child(ren) in their own home. After all, how many non-custodial parents out there really have their kid(s) sleep on the couch or floor and wear the same clothes all weekend long, because "it's just every-other-weekend...?"

                        Just my two cents.

                        That is my situation 100%, Thats why support sould be calculated on a case by case basis, I think it is soooo important for the child and or children to have a second HOME not just somewhere to visit

                        Comment

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