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  • EX’s lawyer meet with kids

    The ex’s lawyer says that he is going to meet with the kids (15 and 12) to see what they want to do, stay with mom or go with me.
    Is this normal for kids to talk to the parents lawyer? Is this not bias against me? I was under the understanding that the procedure was for the kids to get their own lawyer and have their thoughts and concerns relayed through them?
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    Any experiences with this would be great
    Thanks DF2

  • #2
    You should talk to your Lawyer immediately. Your Ex's Lawyer does not have a say in this. A Judge does. As for your children being able to decide, I would ask my Lawyer about that.

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    • #3
      I think that kids can decide who they want to live with once they hit the age of 12

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      • #4
        I would have very serious concerns about one lawyer interviewing the children. The lawyer's duty is to obtain the best outcome for his client. The court's interest is obtaining the best outcome for the children. Big difference.

        The lawyer may have sent a letter in order in the hopes that you wouldn't reply. He could take that as implied consent.

        I also suspect a judge would look very dimly on a lawyer who appears to be coaching children. I also wonder how the lawyer's governing body would view such a tactic. No doubt bringing these points to the lawyer's attention would lead him to think twice about meeting with the children.

        Children over the age of 12-14 do have a say in where they will live. However, a judge will lend more weight to a report from an expert in obtaining the views of children.

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        • #5
          My ex has had a couple lawyers, and not once did any of them request to speak to my children. If I were you, I would respond that you do not feel it to be in the best interest of the children to be put into that situation, and if the judge feels that it is of value or interest to the case, then it will be discussed at that point in time.

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          • #6
            It only makes sense that a judge has the final say in this. What if the scenario was something like, "I want to live with (Mom/Dad) because (she/he) doesn't make me do my homework?" The law may say they can decide at 12, but there MUST be a legal process involved here.

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            • #7
              I think the consensus here is that you should be worried about ulterior motives as this is in fact the ex's lawyer, not a neutral third party.

              If the ex's lawyer wants to include the views of the children the protocol is to request a lawyer for them, so that they are acting in the children’s interest and better trained in deciphering what is pure adolescent distaste for rules and what is true feelings about the parenting in each home.

              My advice is a reply along the lines of, “although I appreciate the request to include the wishes of the children, I am uncomfortable with your being the person to conduct such an interview. With all due respect, if the children’s (input the children’s names) options are indeed desired I would request that we jointly petition for the children to be awarded their own lawyer. This would ensure that their best interests are paramount and neither party misconstrues what they have to add.”

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              • #8
                Thanks for all the imput. My lawyer did write a letter to them saying we stongly object to this. That was about a week ago and have not heard if the meeting took place or not. The kids are going through a tough time right now as I don't get to see them or talk to them. At the case conference the judge said that if I don't start getting access that he does not have a problem granting sole custidy to me. Maybe just another nail in the coffin for her
                DF2

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                • #9
                  It is not looked upon favourably by a Judge when one denies access to the other parent.

                  In Ontario you can request that the Office of the Children's Lawyer (OCL) get involved. Whether age 15 is too old for this I'm not certain.

                  I have had two experiences with this.
                  More than ten yrs. ago my own 12 year old son was appointed a lawyer while I fought his bio Dad for custody and access. The bio Dad was a nutbar that was asking for too much access making my son uncomfortable. My son's testimony thru his lawyer (completely confidential to both parents) was that he could see his Dad when and how he wished to be worked out between themselves: i.e. dinner together, an evening, an outing on the wknd. etc...This eliminated my son's obligation to HAVE to spend a set amount of days and nights with someone who would leave him alone, not have food etc.... while still allowing him a relationship with his Dad.

                  Experience #2 is my current partners EX had tried everything to limit court appointed access visits. In affidavits she stated the two girls didn't get home early enough on Sundays to wash their hair, they were missing Birthday parties, they didn't like their Dad, they were scared to come, it was too windy out(!) etc...
                  My partner agreed to the involvement of the OCL, paperwork was completed and they declined to get involved.
                  The point is that there has to be valid reasons to deny a parent access. The professionals will see thru it if it is the parent teliing their kids what they should do.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by dadfor2 View Post
                    Thanks for all the imput. My lawyer did write a letter to them saying we stongly object to this. That was about a week ago and have not heard if the meeting took place or not. The kids are going through a tough time right now as I don't get to see them or talk to them. At the case conference the judge said that if I don't start getting access that he does not have a problem granting sole custidy to me. Maybe just another nail in the coffin for her
                    DF2
                    Having a judge state this is a huge plus.
                    I think you are taking the right steps. No reply, I hope, means the request was not followed through on.

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                    • #11
                      Talked to the ex today said that my daughter talked to her lawyer twice. She said once without her in the room not sure about the other time. Now that I know she has had these meetings with the ex's lawyer what can I do about it? Is there somewhere I can report this like an ethics board?

                      Comment

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