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  • Would it be wrong to send pictures to her husband

    Hi, This is whats going on, I confronted my husband of 22 years about his cell bill, phone bills were 200. a month from him calling his co-worker,if it wasnt bad enough that i trusted him being picked up from her daily. Any way when i confronted him, he said he didnt love me anymore, that he loved her, he left that day and hasnt been back,except for on 2 seperate occasions for sex only i guess, cuase now he says he will never come back. says it not her that they are just friends but i had to keep my sanity so i drove by his apt and sure enough ,her car is there, for 7 hours not just for coffee i guess, she came out with my x's dog she kissing and hugging my ex, i knew it was because of her, but she still trying to say thier just friends, so i want to show her husband the pictures what do others think about this

  • #2
    Hopefully this doesn't come across as rude, but what you are doing is called criminal harassment.
    Instead of taking a vindictive, and frankly a criminal route, find yourself a therapist, and then a lawyer & get a divorce.

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    • #3
      i didnt know that this was against the law, me taking pictures is against the law? or me telling husband? Im having a realy hard time execpting him leaving me and our boys. Sad to think that i would take him back if he wanted to come back. How do you get over someone, thats done this to you. I cant understand why she would want to leave a finanical stable home for someone thats living pay cheque to pay cheque.If i or i should say when i go see a lawyer how long does it take to get seperation agreement done up.

      Sad to think my 18 year old was mad at me so he text his dad and asked if he could stay there, dads answer was wait till your done college, great support hes getting from dad when son wanted it. Guess he didnt want son there would interupt his having affair with married woman. What to do. I guess im crazy for saying i would take him back, but i love him that much,have to wonder if she will leave her husband?

      You think she would worry what co-workers would think of her oh ya by the way my 19 year old is one of those co-workers, he hasnt seen anything but told my niece that hes not stupid that you just dont leave home with no excuse. He was mad one day and said i should just go there and punch whore in the head,husband is hurting us all, but hes just thinking of himself.

      Him saying i can have car ,house, everything that he doesnt want it just wants out. I think he will be surprized when i ask to split cpp cause i always depended on him finanicaly, and will be asking for spousal support, i dont think he knows that i can ask for that,or that im entitled to it.
      Last edited by blindsided; 09-07-2008, 07:47 PM. Reason: add more

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      • #4
        The problem is that you're hurt & angry right now & you need to step back a bit to calm down. Regardless of what you think of them in your head, you need to avoid using nasty words to describe them to your own children, adult or not.

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        • #5
          I agree with "AndrewsKim", it is understandable that you still
          have feeling for him, after all he fell out of love with you, not the other way around.
          You need to accept this and take the steps to change your heart to at least accept it as well.
          You cannot move on and still hang onto a person like this.
          He does not have the same feelings anymore and you will only hurt yourself more to continue this way. Talk to friends and family, grieve if you have to see a therapist, what ever it take so that you can deal and move on and concentrate on the boys. They need you just as much as they need dad. And if Dad cannot be there for them emotionally then you need to pick up the slack.


          This is a great forum for info on how to get through the Family Law system.

          Best of luck

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          • #6
            Originally posted by blindsided View Post
            i didnt know that this was against the law, me taking pictures is against the law? or me telling husband? Im having a realy hard time execpting him leaving me and our boys. Sad to think that i would take him back if he wanted to come back. How do you get over someone, thats done this to you. I cant understand why she would want to leave a finanical stable home for someone thats living pay cheque to pay cheque.If i or i should say when i go see a lawyer how long does it take to get seperation agreement done up.

            Sending photos one time would probably not be criminal harassment. Sending something threatening would be. Or sending stuff over and over and over again with the intent to harass would be. But a one-time mailing of some photos, I don't think so.

            Nevertheless, I don't recommend it.

            Right now you are feeling raw, angry, betrayed, abandoned and devastated. Don't do anything rash because of those feelings. Somewhere down the road you'll only feel embarassed by your actions.

            If it helps, take comfort in knowing that unfortunately you are not the first person to be in your situation. You won't be the last. It hurts beyond description.

            Now is the time to focus on taking care of yourself and your kids, emotionally and physically.

            There is all kinds of help out there. Talk to your family doctor... they know of community counselling that doesn't cost anything. Or your minister. Or a friend who has been there/ done that. Or talk to us here.

            I would recommend you get started on a Separation Agreement sooner rather than later. I found that with my ex, he was so enraptured with the new girlfriend that he had no time or interest in participating in co-operating to draw up an agreement. He also, very quickly, preferred to spend money on HER instead of the family he dumped. I wasted a LOT of precious time with back and forth mailings (2 years) and when I finally got fed up with him and with my own lawyer saying "well, NEXT month we'll file an Application", I fired her and filed my own Application. Even then it took a year and a half in court to get it finalized.

            You can do this. You aren't alone.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by phoenix
              Sending photos one time would probably not be criminal harassment. Sending something threatening would be. Or sending stuff over and over and over again with the intent to harass would be. But a one-time mailing of some photos, I don't think so.
              I actually meant the part where she sat outside his apartment, knew the length of time she was there, and watched while they walked the dog (or walked outside with it, whichever is the case).
              My ex did this stuff, knew even those small details, and he was warned by the police that he would be charged if it didn't stop. So that is how I meant it.
              On the flip-side, the other reason I don't agree with mailing photos - what if they have children too (the female in all this) and they see that mail. It certainly wouldn't be fair to drag them so harshly into this for something that the adults are at fault for doing.

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              • #8
                You asked "would it be wrong". I'm pretty sure it would be, but I'm absolutely sure it wouldn't be right. What possible good could come from that action? Would it make you feel better? Or do you want everyone involved to feel as bad as you? I'm not sure how you thought stalking them would help you keep your sanity.

                You've been to the thread "... wanting to save marriage". You said yourself you did every thing it says not to... and you wished you'd read this before. I've come across most of your posts, and you seem more interested in getting revenge against him (and her). You want CS, SS, pensions... yet you want him to keep his name on the mortgage to help you?

                You need to forget about him and move on with your life. If you can't sort out how to do that on your own, get some help.

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                • #9
                  Yes, i did ask if its possible if i could keep his name on the mortage because,he is the one that said that everything was great in our relationship, when i told him that i was afraid to take buy out, that i wouldnt be able to live on 500. a month on my own ,i am on disability. Everything was great until she started picking him up for work what a fool i was to trust him. Should have known better with his track record of infidelity. This isnt the first time i sure wont be his last.

                  Then when he left and will not sit down and talk about any finanicial stuff at all, i have lots to lose and like i said i always depended on him, his little head thinking for big one.

                  Yes i am hurting but hes not giving me any respect trying to make it like its all in my head,if i was her husband i would like if someone told me what was going on, her husband is a trucker and is only home on weekends so he dont know whats going on sure he would like to know.rather than be dumped like i was, didnt even see it coming.

                  What kind of man is that just drops his whole family when they need him, we did everything together, no reason everything was good till i confronted him about cell bill. I guess no back bone. Well i hope one day what went around will come around, he said he loved her, i hope she's using him for attention(sex) and she doesnt leave her husband and he will be left lonely
                  Last edited by blindsided; 09-08-2008, 04:23 PM. Reason: add

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                  • #10
                    I'm a little confused. He said he loved her? In your first post you said he told you they were just friends.

                    If he has any understanding of how hurt and vindictive you're feeling, he should absolutely get his name off of the house.

                    By all means show her husband the pictures. Then you and he can sit outside and watch them together, maybe have a coffee. Maybe he'll throw her out and she'll end up with your husband. So much for him being lonely.

                    I know I'm being harsh here, but something about your posts just don't sit right with me.

                    There are steps you can take to help yourself financially. You can ask for SS, and probably CS or help with your son at school. You are entitled to a portion of his pension, but will not likely see the pension money until he retires. After those issues are resolved, find out about mortgaging. With the amount of money you put as a down payment, and increase in the home's value, you may be surprised to find the banks are willing to offer you something.

                    Oh, and it might be a good idea to say "NO" next time he comes back for sex.

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                    • #11
                      Yes it is confusing, that why im confused, Ok when i confronted him about cell bill in May 08 that was 400. at the time i asked who number it was and he said it was hers, but their was nothing sexual,they are just friends ya ok.

                      And that he didnt love me, i asked if he loved her he said yes, i ask him if she was leaving her husband for him he said he didnt know. That he was leaving still. So he left came for a night a week later (she told him to)and when i asked him if he loved her he said no i thought i did.


                      So i took buy out in Feb 07. We bought house and moved in April 07, he was enjoying doing gardening and stuff all sorts of idea's that never started,

                      She started picking my x up in Nov 07 becuase when she came into work she was right at house before going to work ,so she said she was doing this so i wouldnt have to get up in cold to drive him at 5:30 am. hmmm how nice of her eh.

                      So it was May 08 when i confronted him and he left.

                      So this is why it was driving me nuts know im being lied to.
                      Not to even want to work on it now i know why

                      went o his work tonight to give him his bills because he still hasnt changed his address, gave him his cell bill our phones were suspended because he owes 200. im not paying i only text boys and that free.to keep in touch if they need me. its from him talking to her if seeing her at work everyday isnt enough. anyway i told him that i know whats going on that i had pics and still denies it wow.

                      Oh and i did phone her last week to confront her she denied it as well, so when i seen my x tonight i thought for sure he would have said something about me calling her , but he didnt , so i wonder why she didnt tell him? when she met me before to lie to my face she did tell him that niether im reall confused

                      the coffee line made me laugh thanks.
                      so you getting it now or do you need more info. need to take a break, i wrote and it timed out or something so had to re do.

                      be back in a bit

                      thanks the the ear
                      Last edited by blindsided; 09-08-2008, 10:38 PM. Reason: add more

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                      • #12
                        well i've been doing alot of thinking and i will be phoning her husband and telling him whats been going on with his wife.
                        The way i look at it i would want someone to tell me if they knew,and i didnt. You have to remember that this poor man doesnt or wouldnt have a clue, he is a truck driver and is only home on weekends, so she is with my ex through the week then ,when her husband comes home shes there with him.

                        I think it will help him also because if she was planning on leaving her husband for mine, he would have the upper hand, and not look like a fool anymore.

                        I also found out that my husband asked my son if i had pictures of him hmmmm.
                        guess he is a bit worried, maybe not though because they are still together after work.

                        I spoke with doctor and she also said, it would be ok to tell him, I feel its the right thing to do, he has the right to know whats going on.
                        any thoughts

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                        • #13
                          First of all, I still will not agree with your decision. You both are now fully involving other people, not to mention your own son. It's despicable behaviour regardless of how hurt you are.
                          Purposely running to tell a stranger that his wife is sleeping around so you can feel better about yourself is a very low, and frankly vindictive thing to do.
                          How kind of the 'doctor' to side with you and help you validate your excuses for doing such a nasty thing.
                          It's not about how you wish someone would tell you something like that if they knew & you didn't, it's obviously all about taking your anger & using it to hurt others.
                          Pardon me other members of the board but, blindsided - grow up!
                          Last edited by Kimberley; 09-18-2008, 09:30 PM. Reason: Dropped my xylophone...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by AndrewsKim View Post
                            First of all, I still will not agree with your decision. You both are now fully involving other people, not to mention your own son. It's despicable behaviour regardless of how hurt you are.
                            Purposely running to tell a stranger that his wife is sleeping around so you can feel better about yourself is a very low, and frankly vindictive thing to do.
                            How kind of the 'doctor' to side with you and help you validate your excuses for doing such a nasty thing.
                            It's not about how you wish someone would tell you something like that if they knew & you didn't, it's obviously all about taking your anger & using it to hurt others.
                            Pardon me other members of the board but, blindsided - grow up!
                            well hes not a stranger i do know them,the thing about him asking my x about pictures, my son didnt tell me he asked. He mentioned it to my neice, he didnt know what he was talking about, i wouldnt say im angry anymore im actualy doing better without him being here anymore, starting to relize i dont need to worry about what mood he will be in , i can save money,he was and still is a spending machine,living pay to pay. seeing im the the one taking care of my sons college extra expenses, x's answer to that is take it from line of credit, which i didnt, i used the money that i have saved since hes been gone.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Your response still does not make what you intend on doing right. Two wrongs do not make a right. What you should be focusing on is your life with your children without your husband and let the rest of them deal with/work out their own issues, it's not your responsibility.
                              You're all adults, so I'd suggest acting like one. Be the better person & move on, let them figure things out on their own, your life and the lives of your children are all you need to concern yourself with.

                              Comment

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