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  • Temporary Minutes of Settlement

    Okay so we are haggling over this right now, and most of the terms we have come to an agreement on, but we are still sticking on a few things. Ideally I want to avoid going back to court on these issues because it'll cost a fortune, but at the same time I don't want to agree to anything on a temporary basis which I'm not comfortable with. I don't want to be in court later and have my ex say - "well that's how we've been doing in with the TMOS, we should just continue this in the actual divorce settlement".

    Here are the main issues - I'd love some opinions/advice:

    1) She wants a restriction made based on her false abuse claims. It's a minor restriction, but I don't want to concede to it simply because that action may give credibility to her claims. I have been consistant and vocal in my refutations of her claims, and feel I need to continue this.

    2) She is asking for essentially sole custody level decision making powers re: the kids, and I am asking for a more joint custody arrangement, which she is refusing. They live with her. If I concede to these in the TMOS, doesn't that weaken my claim to joint custody later? Will this force us to have a custody decision made by the court?

    3) I've asked that she get written permission from me to move away from the city, she wants simply to give notice. I don't want to give her any ability to pack the kids up and move to another city/province, especially as her boyfriend just sold his house and I suspect something may be up there. What can I reasonably ask for here?

    4) She has a criminal conviction and her probation required her to undergo counselling. I would like confirmation that these requirements were completed, given that she is the custodial parent. She claims this is irrelevant, but I think her mental health - especially as the charges were related to endangering the kids - is absolutely relevant. Should I be demanding this at this stage, or can I ask for this later?

    5) Her lawyer has indicated that she has been instructed to settle spousal and child support issues ASAP. We have yet to receive an offer from her side as to what she wants from spousal and the basis for her refusal to grant me joint custody. I've repeatedly indicated that I am open to negotation, and am asking my lawyer to be more clear about this point in her response. In the end, will it make a difference to show that I was promoting negotation, was ignored, and then she went via court motion? I'm thinking re: costs here.

  • #2
    Sorry - this should be in the Divorce & Family Law section. My bad

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    • #3
      Just one question....why agree to any of it if you do not agree with it.

      It may be temporary. By being in agreement now one might ask at a later date why you then disagree. So do you agree or disagree, can you live with the minutes or not? Only you know.

      My own experience is never, never ever sign any agreement if you do not agree, thinking you can change your mind later is not normally an option.

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      • #4
        My limited opinion on questions 1-5

        1) Not quite sure what you mean.

        2)Joint custody allows her to have children most of time, you share important decisions equally, have equal access to imformation ie: school report cards, medical etc.sole gives you perhaps same time but very little say on decisions regarding children.

        3) She can move anywhere she wants anytime time she wants. She can not do so with your child. If you sign off, no need to do anything but advise you, most would not sign off on this, if you do she could take off anywhere she wishes with your child. With only having "notify" you.

        4) Considring it involves your child, absolutely, you would need to know if the conditions were met.

        5)If you do not have any order, minutes or sep agreement, she can not refuse you access, you can simply take it, you are well with in your rights both parents have equal rights to thier children until otherwise ordered or agreed, this is extreme but well with in the law. As for spousal and costs, good luck, doubt you would get costs, if you want to settle why not make your own offer.

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        • #5
          Thanks today. I think the moral of the story is don't sign anything you don't agree with - even if it's a temporary agreement. I'm probably going to instruct my lawyer to prepare a TMOS including only the points we agree on, and if they want anything else they'll either have to negotiate it with us or take it to court.

          I don't want the expense and hassle of that process, but I've conceded enough already.

          Comment

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