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  • new here, this is my story...

    i am new here as well. it was comforting to read about others dealing with the same issues. i am currently living with my common law spouse. we have been together for four years and we have 2 kids (one is mine from a previous relationship). i feel trapped in a relationship i see as going nowhere as we fight about the same issues over and over again. the finances, the kids, time with eachother - or lack of i should say. i am up to my butt in debt (credit cards and a loan) my car broke down and is going to cost 2000 to fix so i cannot afford to fix it. i work a full time job on an off shift so i am miserable because i don't get much time to see my kids. i feel trapped because i know i want to leave but b/c i have so much debt i could never afford a place of my own right now. my b/f is self employed (he refuses to get a job)and i know i will hardly see much in child support b/c he claims on his income tax that he makes 9000/yr (although i know that is a lie b/c most of it is under the table). whenever we fight about something he calls me nasty names and has done so in front of the kids. we have a house that is in my name which i could never afford the upkeep by myself and he says if i made him leave he would destroy all the work he has done to the house. he gets violent when he is angry by throwing things. he has put holes in our walls and doors. i am so unhappy that i have lost interest in most things i feel like i am just "there" most of the time sort of like lost in space. the stress has made me short tempered with the kids b/c i have to leave for work and i am trying to do a hundred things all at once. we wouldn't get much for the house b/c it is only half finished the reno's (we bought a fixer upper) and we have only had it for almost 2 yrs. i am so afraid of causing any hurt to my kids by seperating b/c i know it will devastate my 6 yr old daughter and i don't want to hurt her. i don't know what to do from here except stay in my miserable co existence.

  • #2
    In order to prove what he earns I suggest that NOW, while you still have sneaky access to the paperwork, get photocopies of his tax returns, bank statements, credit card bills, etc. That may be your only way to prove to the court that what is going in and out of his bank account adds up to more than what he is claiming on his tax refunds.

    If you have to wait for him to provide "full financial disclosure" you could end up like me... it took 2 years for my ex to finally cough up all the paperwork only to show that, yes, he was lying about his income. And of course, the judge just kept giving him more and more time... "I couldn't get my bank statements" or "Visa hasn't sent the copies yet" or "oh dear, I didn't have time..." he dragged it out for 2 years. I suggest you do the footwork NOW so you can get right to the business of coming up with a reasonable income for him.

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