I apologize in advance for the length of this thread, but I am in desperate need of help. I want to leave my spouse, and we have two children and want this to be easy as possible on them.
Here is the back story; we have been together for nine years, two amazing children aged six and five. We are not legally married, only common law. We met in the town we live in, but my hometown is two hours away. His family in completely uninvolved in my children's life, and my family drives four hours every two weeks to see the kids.
The reason I wish to leave is because he is emotionally abusive. When we argue, he calls me names and makes accusations on me that aren't logical (ie. I recently lost 50 pounds, and he states that I did it to get attention). In arguments he refuses to ever actually deal with the issue. He gets mad, name calls, and then when it's convenient for him, starts talking to me again like nothing ever happened. I honestly cannot remember a time in my life that he's apologized to me (and I apologize to him at least 10 times a day). He is also an alcoholic, and a chain smoker, even though we have asthmatic children in the home (he smokes outside but the smell and such is still on his clothing).
I understand I have played my role in this. I have been diagnosed with bipolar, and have had some tough times. I also was having drinks with him every night. I have been to a psychiatrist and counsellors for my bipolar however, and have abstained from alcohol during the week (I will still have drinks on weekends).
My SO is a good father in the sense that he is the one who gets down and plays with the kids, but he does not provide for them at all. He does not bathe them, does not purchase their clothing, backpacks, or other needed items. He does not take them to their medical appointments. He does not take off work if they are sick. I do all of these things myself, include make lunches, do their laundry, feed them, help them with homework. He does not help around the house, except for taking out the garbages. Cleaning, cooking, etc is entirely up to me. Up until four months ago, he also was not contributing to the house financially. I paid 100% of our gas, hydro, internet, insurance, etc. He pays 50/50 for day care and rent.
This is where things get messy. I want to return to my hometown with my children, as my only support with my kids are my parents and sister. My mom has often come down to take care of the kids when they were sick, while I had to work. My mom has taken my children to their medical appointments if I needed help. We would love with my parents until I was financially able to move out on my own.
My SO is adamant that we are not moving. I am more than willing to work out arrangements such as every other weekend, weeks in the summer, etc. And would be happy to meet him half way, even though my car is unreliable and his is brand new. The distance is maximum two hours.
Has anyone been in this situation before and have recommendations on where to start? I would ideally like to make the change over the summer, to avoid the kids having to change schools mid year. But I don't know how long of a battle I am in for. I don't have a job lined up in my hometown as of yet, but I'm certain I would find something.
I should also mention that I do not have much money for legal fees, but do have EAP through my work.
It has taken me so long to write this post, as this is my worst nightmare coming true. I want so badly to have a family together, and live happily ever after. But I can't have my children witnessing this anymore. My daughter can't grow up thinking her future husband is allowed to call her stupid.
Please help.
Here is the back story; we have been together for nine years, two amazing children aged six and five. We are not legally married, only common law. We met in the town we live in, but my hometown is two hours away. His family in completely uninvolved in my children's life, and my family drives four hours every two weeks to see the kids.
The reason I wish to leave is because he is emotionally abusive. When we argue, he calls me names and makes accusations on me that aren't logical (ie. I recently lost 50 pounds, and he states that I did it to get attention). In arguments he refuses to ever actually deal with the issue. He gets mad, name calls, and then when it's convenient for him, starts talking to me again like nothing ever happened. I honestly cannot remember a time in my life that he's apologized to me (and I apologize to him at least 10 times a day). He is also an alcoholic, and a chain smoker, even though we have asthmatic children in the home (he smokes outside but the smell and such is still on his clothing).
I understand I have played my role in this. I have been diagnosed with bipolar, and have had some tough times. I also was having drinks with him every night. I have been to a psychiatrist and counsellors for my bipolar however, and have abstained from alcohol during the week (I will still have drinks on weekends).
My SO is a good father in the sense that he is the one who gets down and plays with the kids, but he does not provide for them at all. He does not bathe them, does not purchase their clothing, backpacks, or other needed items. He does not take them to their medical appointments. He does not take off work if they are sick. I do all of these things myself, include make lunches, do their laundry, feed them, help them with homework. He does not help around the house, except for taking out the garbages. Cleaning, cooking, etc is entirely up to me. Up until four months ago, he also was not contributing to the house financially. I paid 100% of our gas, hydro, internet, insurance, etc. He pays 50/50 for day care and rent.
This is where things get messy. I want to return to my hometown with my children, as my only support with my kids are my parents and sister. My mom has often come down to take care of the kids when they were sick, while I had to work. My mom has taken my children to their medical appointments if I needed help. We would love with my parents until I was financially able to move out on my own.
My SO is adamant that we are not moving. I am more than willing to work out arrangements such as every other weekend, weeks in the summer, etc. And would be happy to meet him half way, even though my car is unreliable and his is brand new. The distance is maximum two hours.
Has anyone been in this situation before and have recommendations on where to start? I would ideally like to make the change over the summer, to avoid the kids having to change schools mid year. But I don't know how long of a battle I am in for. I don't have a job lined up in my hometown as of yet, but I'm certain I would find something.
I should also mention that I do not have much money for legal fees, but do have EAP through my work.
It has taken me so long to write this post, as this is my worst nightmare coming true. I want so badly to have a family together, and live happily ever after. But I can't have my children witnessing this anymore. My daughter can't grow up thinking her future husband is allowed to call her stupid.
Please help.
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