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  • Video chat everyday on vacation

    My ex wants to video chat with my kids every day while on vacation (for a week or two). Note that we have nearly 50/50 time sharing and joint custody on all issues.

    What is the general feeling out there on this one?

    To me it is unreasonable and i find it controlling by her.

    When I'm on vacation i don't want to have to worry about / schedule this everyday.

    Also it would be nice to have a vacation from my ex lol.

    If my kids (ages 5 and 6) want to reach out to my ex I would absolutely let them, but they never ask.

  • #2
    Is this something they already do, every day talking to each other? Seems intrusive. Maybe after a couple of days, to check in, would be more suitable.

    Just tell her, that you guys are going to be busy, and you're not sure of the Wifi there, but you'll get the kids to call her.

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    • #3
      Thanks. I forgot to mention my ex is refusing to agree to the vacation days I have requested unless I agree with the video calls.

      My ex is requesting we setup mediation to sort this out.

      Comment


      • #4
        In your separation agreement:


        1) How are vacation days decided?
        1b) What gives her the right to veto your vacation days?


        2) What are the telephone contact requirements?
        2b) What gives her the right to demand telephone contact?

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        • #5
          Thanks Janus

          We are each allowed 2 weeks each year for vacation. The dates are not pre- determined.

          For vacation within Canada the agreement states that I notify the other parent about the vacation, which implies she can’t prevent a vacation within Canada, that I just tell her when it is.

          Outside Canada, I need to request a notarized letter from her, for which our agreement says consent can’t be reasonably withheld.

          For telephone access, the agreement says the parents can call, text or video chat the kids at any time, or the kids can call, text or video chat the parents at any time.

          The agreement is not court ordered. There are other things she is not following in the agreement, some minor, and some not so minor (related to proof of life insurance and RESP contributions).

          So after re-reviewing my agreement, it looks like she can't prevent when I want to take the children away. Although when we got into a similar disagreement last year she threatened to call the cops the first day of my planned vacation (to try to prevent us from going away) if I did not agree to her every day calling the kids idea.

          But regardless of the agreement, sometimes she just seems to do what she would like. In in these forums I've learned it might cost me a lot of money to try to do anything about it, with the end result not even being in my favour. But at this point I'm very close to trying, because there are just so many things she is not abiding to.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by climber9 View Post
            We are each allowed 2 weeks each year for vacation. The dates are not pre- determined.

            That's already a problem.


            Is there a process at least? What happens if you choose a vacation the same day that she wants to go on vacation? What about if she plans a wedding on the day you want vacation?




            For telephone access, the agreement says the parents can call, text or video chat the kids at any time, or the kids can call, text or video chat the parents at any time.
            I would feel free to disregard this clause and have her bring you to court.

            Although when we got into a similar disagreement last year she threatened to call the cops the first day of my planned vacation (to try to prevent us from going away) if I did not agree to her every day calling the kids idea.
            I would have had her call the cops. Nothing like an official record of a crazy ex to help in a future court case.

            Summary: Don't even address the video calling.


            "Dear ex,

            My vacation will be from June 5-19. Please provide your notarized consent by May 1st. [lawyer] in town will provide consents for $25 and I will of course reimburse you for the expense.

            If you do not intend to provide consent, please let me know as early as possible so that we can proceed expeditiously to a court date."


            She will respond


            "Will you let me video call? blah blah blah..."

            You respond


            "If you do not intend to provide consent to travel, please let me know so that we may schedule a motion date. Thanks!"

            Comment


            • #7
              ^^^^Janus^^^^ That and...

              *Most* judges wouldn't enforce an order that has a parent calling every day. The minimum rule used by Section 30 Assessors and judges is generally:

              One phone call every 5 days a child is away from a parent in the middle of the 5-day split. On day 3 of the 5 days. In addition, the length of the call should be limited to the age of the child. So if the child is 3 years old... The reasonable expectation is the child can be on the phone for 3 minutes. 6 years old... Six minutes... etc...

              Because you agreed to something it doesn't mean the court will enforce it. If you agree with another person that the moon is made of bbq spare ribs... the court will not enforce the other party to the agreement to say the moon is made of bbq spare ribs... (But damn, if it was I would eat it and go back for seconds!)

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              • #8
                I think its ridiculous, I agree with YoungDad91, arrival, mid trip, and departure to make Mom feel better and keep the peace . And of course if the kids did sometime really special (i.e. swimming with the dolphins), and were bursting to share with Mom you would allow it.

                But daily calls is absurd especially if Mom is going to make them feel badly that she misses them. I learnt in a counselling session, that young children will sometimes perceive a parent as the victim so too speak, like the hurt party in their little minds and make them feel even worse that its somehow their fault the parent misses them. Of course it OK to tell a child you miss them, but if that's her sole intent and the purpose of the conversation, what a way to ruin a vacation.

                If you do let it happen, I hope she is willing to pay for the roaming fees.

                Comment

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