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  • homework on access weekends

    what is the general rule around homework on access weekends? I am referring to every access weekend. Not just here and there. Every access weekend. The homework is not assigned by the school but rather through tutoring and needs to be done every night.

    I have done the homework on all days of the access weekend (i.e., Fri, Sat, Sun) but I feel at the very least part of it should be done by the custodial parent on Fridays or Sundays. The child goes back at 5:30 PM on Sundays and is picked up at 5:30 PM on Fridays.

    My biggest concern right now is the child being under the tone of viewing dads house as somewhere she has to go to do homework. Kids don't generally like or enjoy homework, again, her school doesn't assign homework for her current grade. Basically it is going to dads on weekends, doing homework Friday Saturday and Sunday, then coming back to moms to no homework. Sort of like, it's the weekend I get to go see dad! Oh wait, I have to go and do homework there.. sigh..

    The only logical solution I can think of is to do it on Fridays, and maybe Saturdays, and have Sunday for other activities. The other think I have thought about is pushing back on this tutoring all together as the homework isn't anything I can't work with the kid on my own through other books.

    Is it reasonable to push back on tutoring all together if you don't feel it is necessary for your child, or too much, or? Given you never agreed to it in the first place but it was rather pushed on you by the custodial parent?

    What is everyone's thought, advice, and suggestions on this? How do you deal with the issue of homework as a custodial or non-custodial and/or access parent ? What about in situation of shared 50/50 parenting ? Again, I re iterate that it is not school assigned homework.

    How can you make homework fun? What are some things you can do to make it fun? Do children generally enjoy doing homework at access weekends? Every access weekend, every day of it, all year long?
    Last edited by trinton; 01-24-2017, 09:16 PM.

  • #2
    How old are you're children? The amount of homework would depend on how long the kids are in school, how well they are doing and whether or not it's necessary at all.
    Personally, I refuse to do any homework with the kids unless they are struggling or have a project due. My older siblings have taken it one step further and gone to the principle to declare that their children will not be doing homework because they didn't have homework growing up and both of them became University educated professionals making six figures. If no homework was good enough for them, it's good enough for their kids too.
    In this day and age I find the amount of homework teachers give to be ridiculous. It starts in kindergarten! What nonsense. If they're in school for 6 hours a day that's long enough. There are other things kids need to do to grow up well adjusted like extra-curricular activities, family time, fun playing , socializing and volunteering, to name a few.
    Try to balance your access weekends. If homework is absolutely necessary because they are struggling or have a big project due...fine. Otherwise, relax a bit and have fun with them. They grow up so fast!

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    • #3
      Thanks for your contribution, and I completely agree with every you have said. Child is 7. The school doesn't assign any homework as I mentioned. The home work is from tutoring because child is struggling in school. But the school didn't recommend tutoring. The school has their own special ed. program that the child is in. Tutoring was just a decision custodial parent made with no consultation with me what so ever. I would have been interested to discuss it with her as well as the different tutoring programs that are available in the area, and at the very least, meet with someone from the program for a consultation. It's not a huge deal but I think the Sunday homework should be shared. If pickups and drop offs were straight from school on weekends then I think full homework responsibility would make sense. But I guess it doesn't hurt for me to do it in case the custodial parent doesn't. But I would still love to hear from other parents.

      May wish to refer to my tutoring thread.
      Last edited by trinton; 01-24-2017, 09:59 PM.

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      • #4
        Twenty minutes each day, regardless of how much gets accomplished during that time. Nothing gets accomplished? Ah well.

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        • #5
          That is a lot of homework time for a 7 year old! It sounds to me like the custodial parent is trying to dominate your parenting time with their own priorities. Obviously homework is a part of parenting, but it should be up to you to allot the time spent doing homework, not him/her. You don't need to justify to the other parent what you're doing with your daughter on the weekend.

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          • #6
            Another strategy is to contact this tutor and communicate with them directly. That will drive your controlling ex bonkers believe me.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by thebookworm View Post
              Another strategy is to contact this tutor and communicate with them directly. That will drive your controlling ex bonkers believe me.
              I agree with this. Discuss you concerns about the amount of work and see what their expectations are. Show yourself as a reasonable person who wants to be part of the solution and help the kid. You may find it isn't the tutor but the ex leaving it to your weekend something that could have been done days ago.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                I agree with this. Discuss you concerns about the amount of work and see what their expectations are. Show yourself as a reasonable person who wants to be part of the solution and help the kid. You may find it isn't the tutor but the ex leaving it to your weekend something that could have been done days ago.
                That was my initial thought. That she probably did jack all all week then sent it all to dads to be done by Sunday evening when she has to go back home. I thought this to be a fair assumption because the child is doing poor in school under her primary care. I also thought that she did this so child has happy time at mom but "you'll be doing homework at dads this weekend" and sends her to me with loads of homework to be done by Sunday evening so child goes back to happy time at moms. I say happy time because kids generally don't like homework. But I don't like to make assumptions. I'm going to see what the tutor says exactly, if they even agree to give me information. Thanks for the advice. Meeting with the tutor has actually been on my to do list. Once I find out who he/she even is!

                PS. I have been previously advised by lawyer to take what mom says from 3rd parties with a grain of salt and to obtain my own information from them.

                She originally put me under the impression that the school had said that she needs tutoring. Met with the school teachers and that was a lie.

                Any further thoughts on this situation ?
                Last edited by trinton; 01-27-2017, 11:26 PM.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                  I agree with this. Discuss you concerns about the amount of work and see what their expectations are. Show yourself as a reasonable person who wants to be part of the solution and help the kid. You may find it isn't the tutor but the ex leaving it to your weekend something that could have been done days ago.
                  A ghost just floated by.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by trinton View Post
                    That was my initial thought. That she probably did jack all all week then sent it all to dads to be done by Sunday evening when she has to go back home. I thought this to be a fair assumption because the child is doing poor in school under her primary care. I also thought that she did this so child has happy time at mom but "you'll be doing homework at dads this weekend" and sends her to me with loads of homework to be done by Sunday evening so child goes back to happy time at moms. I say happy time because kids generally don't like homework. But I don't like to make assumptions. I'm going to see what the tutor says exactly, if they even agree to give me information. Thanks for the advice. Meeting with the tutor has actually been on my to do list. Once I find out who he/she even is!

                    PS. I have been previously advised by lawyer to take what mom says from 3rd parties with a grain of salt and to obtain my own information from them.

                    She originally put me under the impression that the school had said that she needs tutoring. Met with the school teachers and that was a lie.

                    Any further thoughts on this situation ?


                    I absolutely 100% agree that you should talk to the tutor specifically. Explain that you have limited time with your child and want to do homework but balance it with other activities. The tutor is going to be reasonable I'm sure. You will also have a record that you care and are trying to find a solution when mom claims you aren't involved in homework.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                    • #11
                      1. Call the school and ask for a copy of all school reports.
                      2. Make an appointment with the school to have an academic review of your child's progress.
                      3. Read to your child - every morning, every afternoon and every night. Ask them some questions on what you are reading to excercise their comprehensive skills.
                      4. Forget the tutors homework.

                      It is my opinion that children do not read nearly enough. Think about what your child does when they relax. TV, video games ( albeit educational games). How many times do they pick up a book and read.

                      Reading levels are one of the prime reasons children struggle in school. Comprehension of what they read is another reason children will often struggle.

                      Do not get me started on math. It's every where but how many parents encourage their children to use math skills. In the store - no one uses actual cash anymore, no one calculates taxes on a purchase or the amount or tip to leave.

                      There are lots of places a parent can encourage the use of math. I have been counting the number of trucks we see when we drive in the car since my grandson was 2 years old. Now at five he keeps a record in a cute notepad left in my car.

                      We are now tracking traffic levels and have made a chart. He is 5.

                      Forget the mundane homework become the educating parent. Use your time to guide your child to life learning, while they live life and love coming to your house.

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                      • #12
                        Another thought is to take this issue and turn it into an opportunity to bond with the kid. Instead of sending the kid to the other room to do the homework, sit with them and do it together. Help them along, show them you are involved in their education.

                        Doing this will a) further help the kid in school (whether or not they need the help), b) show the kid you really want to help and c) ultimately likely speed up the "homework" process (which will ultimately give you more time with the kid).

                        But do get in touch with the tutor. There is nothing wrong with being an involved and informed parent.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by trinton View Post
                          The only logical solution I can think of is to do it on Fridays, and maybe Saturdays, and have Sunday for other activities. The other think I have thought about is pushing back on this tutoring all together as the homework isn't anything I can't work with the kid on my own through other books.
                          Are you pushing back on the homework simply because you can't work with the kid on your own or are you pushing back because you feel it is too much work load for the child?

                          If it is the former, this does not seem like towards the best interest of the child right. In this case, perhaps do what needs to be done to help you work with your kid through it. Could be fun as you guys would both be scratching your heads trying to figure out how things work. This is very generic though as I do not know the kind of homework we are dealing with here. If former, then I do not see why as the father you cannot push back. Kids also need playtime and if coming to dad's is only about homework, then it is no fun for them, right?

                          Is it reasonable to push back on tutoring all together if you don't feel it is necessary for your child, or too much, or? Given you never agreed to it in the first place but it was rather pushed on you by the custodial parent?
                          If you are supposed to be consulted on major decisions affecting the children, I would expect you to have been consulted with regards to tutoring. If she never consulted you and you feel it is too much for the child, I'll not hesitate to reject. If it is affecting you but it is in the child's best interest, then perhaps find a way to mitigate its effect on your quality time. Think what is best for them, I guess.

                          How can you make homework fun? What are some things you can do to make it fun? Do children generally enjoy doing homework at access weekends? Every access weekend, every day of it, all year long?
                          This is a tricky one. My daughter never liked to do her math homework when she was in grade 10. It was a constant struggle and probably caused the friction we have today. So please handle with care. At the end of the day, some homework is good for them I think.

                          Comment

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