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  • Stepson withdraws from high school

    This morning, my stepson who I pay support for withdrew from high school at age 16. I haven't seen him in over a year despite repeated attempts. He stopped living with me 1.5 years ago because I was making him go to school and grounding him for non-attendance. He failed all of his classes for the 2015/16 school year due to only attending 30% of them.

    The school said they will inform me if a new school requests his school records (meaning he is enrolled somewhere else) but in the meantime, how long should I wait to stop paying support?

    I wanted to stop payment last year but continued at the urging of my lawyer. I'm pissed off that his mother has enabled him to follow this path in life; why should I still be paying my hard earned money for this? When I grounded him for skipping she always had his back and came down on me.

    Thanks

  • #2
    I would say it depends on the terms of your agreement or order. However I suspect that droppping out of school at 16 is not grounds for stopping payment nor is being pissed off.

    What did the lawyer state as the reason for urging you to continue payment?

    BTW, I dropped out of school at 16 and turned out pretty good. Teens at that age are going through tons of changes that are sometimes really hard to understand. Not saying it is a good thing however sometimes a different perspective is needed to open communication with them and hopefully be able to help them through whatever is going on.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by calicodacat View Post
      I would say it depends on the terms of your agreement or order. However I suspect that droppping out of school at 16 is not grounds for stopping payment nor is being pissed off.

      What did the lawyer state as the reason for urging you to continue payment?

      BTW, I dropped out of school at 16 and turned out pretty good. Teens at that age are going through tons of changes that are sometimes really hard to understand. Not saying it is a good thing however sometimes a different perspective is needed to open communication with them and hopefully be able to help them through whatever is going on.
      The agreement is very basic (i.e. Dad pays x number of dollars per month for the child).

      I have a hard time forking out money when all he does is sit at home playing video games.

      Comment


      • #4
        Legally, you're on the hook until he is no longer a "child of the marriage". He remains a child of the marriage until he is either past his 18th birthday and not in school or until he finishes the equivalent of a first full-time post-secondary academic programme. No matter how much he is screwing up in school, support is still payable for him because he's still living with Mom, eating food, taking up space, etc. You're not paying for him to go to school, you're paying a share of his living costs.

        In most provinces schooling is not mandatory after the age of 16, so he is not legally required to go to school once he's 16. I sympathize with you, it must be incredibly frustrating to watch him throw his future away.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by stripes View Post
          Legally, you're on the hook until he is no longer a "child of the marriage". He remains a child of the marriage until he is either past his 18th birthday and not in school or until he finishes the equivalent of a first full-time post-secondary academic programme. No matter how much he is screwing up in school, support is still payable for him because he's still living with Mom, eating food, taking up space, etc. You're not paying for him to go to school, you're paying a share of his living costs.

          In most provinces schooling is not mandatory after the age of 16, so he is not legally required to go to school once he's 16. I sympathize with you, it must be incredibly frustrating to watch him throw his future away.
          It's incredibly frustrating and I'm the only person who seems to care unfortunately. Well, the school cares but they have no authority to do anything.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Teddie View Post
            It's incredibly frustrating and I'm the only person who seems to care unfortunately. Well, the school cares but they have no authority to do anything.
            My parents took a different approach.... after fighting with me for months about going to school they turned it around and said that if I wasn't in school I should be working and at least being productive. Even went as for as to help me with resume's and job interviews and choosing what sort of work would be best for me. Do I now wish I had done things differently? Sure but at least I got experience and developed a work ethic in doing so.

            Teddie, I can certainly understand your frustration but as with all problems in life when plan A (grounding him) doesn't work then time to go to plan B etc.....

            Comment


            • #7
              Withdrawal from parental control?
              [5] The Family Law Act section that is relevant to this matter is s. 31 (2) which reads as follows:
              Obligation of parent to support child
              31. (1) Every parent has an obligation to provide support for his or her unmarried child who is a minor or is enrolled in a full time program of education, to the extent that the parent is capable of doing so. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 31 (1); 1997, c. 20, s. 2.
              Idem
              (2) The obligation under subsection (1) does not extend to a child who is sixteen years of age or older and has withdrawn from parental control. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 31 (2).

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                Withdrawal from parental control?
                [5] The Family Law Act section that is relevant to this matter is s. 31 (2) which reads as follows:
                Obligation of parent to support child
                31. (1) Every parent has an obligation to provide support for his or her unmarried child who is a minor or is enrolled in a full time program of education, to the extent that the parent is capable of doing so. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 31 (1); 1997, c. 20, s. 2.
                Idem
                (2) The obligation under subsection (1) does not extend to a child who is sixteen years of age or older and has withdrawn from parental control. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 31 (2).
                Thanks for sharing this. Point 2 is interesting, I just wonder what the definition of "withdrawal from parental control" is. Is it becoming independent of both parents, one parent....I have no idea, I'll have to look more into it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Child Support and Voluntary Withdrawal from Parental Control : Matrimonial Matters

                  There is a good answer to your question in a paragraph at the bottom...

                  "In addition to establishing that the withdrawal was voluntary, it is also necessary to establish that the child has withdrawn from the control of both parents. If a child decides to cut off ties with one of his parents, but remains financially dependent and within the control of the other parent, the obligation to pay child support apparently continues. There is case law that suggests it makes no difference whether the child’s decision to cut ties is reasonable or unreasonable as long as he has not withdrawn from the control of one parent."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You may benefit from reading this link and tge related case law regarding a child repudiating the relationship:
                    When Does Child Support Stop in Ontario? - Shulman Law Firm

                    At 16 he would be considered a mature child, expecially if he is able to withdraw from school on his own.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                      You may benefit from reading this link and tge related case law regarding a child repudiating the relationship:
                      When Does Child Support Stop in Ontario? - Shulman Law Firm

                      At 16 he would be considered a mature child, expecially if he is able to withdraw from school on his own.
                      Thanks for posting that link.

                      My situation is a tricky one. I was found to have stood in loco-parentis and ordered to pay offset CS. Bio-dad was not even considered and the judge said that mom would need to pursue bio-dad for money in a separate court matter. She never did but she has told me on numerous occasions that she collects money from him but don't disclose how much.

                      Now she wants me on the hook for full CS but I told her not until I know what bio-dads income is. My lawyer said that a judge would likely order him to pay a portion of CS. For some reason my ex seems terrified of having bio-dad brought into any court proceedings; and why not, she can claim full CS from me and get some extra cash on the side from bio-dad.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Dont agree to full cs. Keep it to the order and let her go after full cs and show why she hasnt gone after ex or show how much she is getting. Onus is on her.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                          Dont agree to full cs. Keep it to the order and let her go after full cs and show why she hasnt gone after ex or show how much she is getting. Onus is on her.
                          Exactly. She has yet to make a formal request for full CS but she has been complaining a lot about it recently. The last time I spoke to my lawyer he said that if she goes after full CS, we put her on the spot to explain why, when she claims to be so hard up for money, has she not legally pursued bio-dad. The onus is on her.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Teddie View Post
                            Thanks for posting that link.

                            My situation is a tricky one. I was found to have stood in loco-parentis and ordered to pay offset CS. Bio-dad was not even considered and the judge said that mom would need to pursue bio-dad for money in a separate court matter. She never did but she has told me on numerous occasions that she collects money from him but don't disclose how much.

                            Now she wants me on the hook for full CS but I told her not until I know what bio-dads income is. My lawyer said that a judge would likely order him to pay a portion of CS. For some reason my ex seems terrified of having bio-dad brought into any court proceedings; and why not, she can claim full CS from me and get some extra cash on the side from bio-dad.
                            I recall your case. I do think you could be successfull in ending CS given the circumstances with the kid ending the relationship of his own free will, and he would be considered a mature child given he has been legally determined to be mature enough to withdraw from school.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Terminating your parental rights doesn't necessarily terminate the child's right to receive child support.

                              The child not going to school is likely a material change that needs to be addressed.

                              It's in the child's best interest to continue meaningful contact with both parents, the court won't just cut off access without good reason.

                              The court will have no issue with taking child support from both biological and non biological father. How much he pays or why he does not pay is not really a reason for you to argue why you shouldn't be fulfilling your child support obligations. If you don't have him 40% of the time then it's hard to imagine the courts would want to continue to offset in child support but will likely need to address the access issues first.

                              He is turning 18 in 2 years and will likely have his own job and be on his own at that time and you could seek to terminate child support at that time.

                              Comment

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