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Does anyone with sole custody have a discussion clause?

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  • Does anyone with sole custody have a discussion clause?

    I am trying to draft an offer to settle.

    I am asking the courts for sole custody.

    As part of the offer to settle I thought having something put in that I will discuss major decisions with mom prior to doing anything. But wondering if anyone has any clause like that or the down side to doing it?

    Its not that I want to especially given the climate between us right now but I want to try and settle this if we can.

  • #2
    Then say you have joint but you have final say?

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    • #3
      I agree joint with final say to you.

      But as you asked, sole, with you consulting your ex, or getting her input is safe. Sole is sole.

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      • #4
        I don't think that joint with final input will work with our situation.

        we have shared right now with me having sole decision making for education and primary contact for medical.

        In the last two weeks mom has had child put through 2 invasive medical exams without consulting me, she has removed child from school on multiple occasions, has made changes to counseling, and has withheld child.

        School has told me that despite the very clear order as long as we have shared they can't enforce the order. Medical informed me that as there is shared they only need one parent to bring her in and that is enough for them, and counseling because its long term needs both parents consent even though the order says mom can't veto but mom continues to cancel appointments, and remove child.

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        • #5
          Each time you wrote shared (referring to time split), did you really mean joint (decision making)?

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          • #6
            We have shared custody. It isn't written joint anywhere. I have sole decision making for education and we make have I guess the same as joint decision making for health with me as primary health contact. However no where on our order does it said Joint.

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            • #7
              Then just say sole - in front of the judge say you ideally would like to consult her but be careful putting a condition on yourself to be held against you later.

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              • #8
                Joint is when decisions are made jointly.
                Sole is when decisions aren't made jointly.

                In my opinion, judges think its quite backhanded when you state "joint with final decision making to one person". It's not joint then... its sole....

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                • #9
                  Agreed. A clause like that seems pointless. Either one of you makes the decisions, or both of you do. Ideally, the parent who is making the decision would at least consult the other parent first, but that's a matter of etiquette and good relations, not something that should be in a legal document (especially as it's not clear what "discussion" means - does Parent A send Parent B an email saying "this decision is coming up, let's meet and talk"? or does A inform B "here's what I'm going to do"? etc). Putting this in the agreement is just setting yourself up for trouble later on when the other parent claims that something wasn't "discussed" as it should have been.

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                  • #10
                    My partners agreement has a "will make decisions together" clause but then a "emergency decisions are solely moms" clause. Not that it matters, mom only asks for dads input when she wants kid to do what she says or wants money.

                    Put a clause in that youll follow but dont give mom more power she can misinterpret since she seems yo be doing that to you already.

                    ^^just my two cents.

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                    • #11
                      Thanks all I think I will just leave it the way I asked the courts. I asked for sole given the situation, I was just trying to make an offer to settle but in reality I don't think we will be able to work together to make decisions, I don't mind talking to her but she won't work with me at all.

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                      • #12
                        Never make an offer you can't live with. if you can't work together on decisions then it will be sole custody. However, make note it could be sole custody to you OR her.

                        Perhaps you'd consider parallel parenting, where each of you get to be the decision maker on certain issues. It's worth looking it up to make an informed decision.

                        Comment

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