So Im in need of some advice or thoughts or insight. I did a bad thing last night apparently by asking my partner to expect a little respect from his adult child and not go running back for affection after a few weeks. This is a pattern of behaviour with him and Ive had enough.
Their relationship goes way beyond parental alienation. His ex has manipulated the two kids (19 & 14) into abusing him the same way she abused him for their entire marriage. They attack him for different things that happened between his ex and him and when he puts his foot down they ignore him and he goes crawling back begging for affection from them. He tried to do the "I'm the parent, they are the child" attitude but then he falls back into "i miss my kids, its ok they treat me like this because at least they talk to me" behaviour.
Now because the older one wont visit him, the ex interferes with the younger one who then says no to visitation. Old enough to have a "voice". The ex doesn't care if shes interfering. Shes above reproach.
Ive been in therapy for years and have learned that relatives don't get to treat you like crap just because they're related. Which is something I have been trying to express to him but his guilt from the divorce wins out.
I don't want to give an ultimatum but we cant make serious decisions (we're discussing moving to a new city for work and buying a house together) if he's going to be allowing this disrespect into our house. And it extends to me because they say things about me now and my position in his life and how we are together.
How do I impress on him that he is the parent and they are the child and/or he does not deserve to be treated this way. I asked him how long he's going to allow these people to punish him for the same things. Especially when it allows them to justify their behaviour. Ive suggested therapy and he refuses. Im pretty close to an ultimatum. How have others dealt with similar situations? Is it a lost cause? Do I continue to allow these people to dictate our life with their attitude? How do I sit back and watch someone I love being kicked in the teeth every month?
Their relationship goes way beyond parental alienation. His ex has manipulated the two kids (19 & 14) into abusing him the same way she abused him for their entire marriage. They attack him for different things that happened between his ex and him and when he puts his foot down they ignore him and he goes crawling back begging for affection from them. He tried to do the "I'm the parent, they are the child" attitude but then he falls back into "i miss my kids, its ok they treat me like this because at least they talk to me" behaviour.
Now because the older one wont visit him, the ex interferes with the younger one who then says no to visitation. Old enough to have a "voice". The ex doesn't care if shes interfering. Shes above reproach.
Ive been in therapy for years and have learned that relatives don't get to treat you like crap just because they're related. Which is something I have been trying to express to him but his guilt from the divorce wins out.
I don't want to give an ultimatum but we cant make serious decisions (we're discussing moving to a new city for work and buying a house together) if he's going to be allowing this disrespect into our house. And it extends to me because they say things about me now and my position in his life and how we are together.
How do I impress on him that he is the parent and they are the child and/or he does not deserve to be treated this way. I asked him how long he's going to allow these people to punish him for the same things. Especially when it allows them to justify their behaviour. Ive suggested therapy and he refuses. Im pretty close to an ultimatum. How have others dealt with similar situations? Is it a lost cause? Do I continue to allow these people to dictate our life with their attitude? How do I sit back and watch someone I love being kicked in the teeth every month?
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