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  • New Goals

    Part of divorce/separation is setting goals for yourself.

    Mine were to

    1. Get Divorced and all the things that go along with that, DONE
    2. Lose Weight, DONE lost 60 lbs
    3. Move up in my career, got a promotion and just applied for another
    4. Sustain financial stability, I'm
    5. Have some fun, I'm always doing that now
    6. Travel, had the opportunity to travel with and without my kids

    I've met all of them and more and some of those goals are obvious ongoing goals. The problem I'm having now is I have no idea where to go from here. I know nobody here can help me with what my goals should be but I'm wondering if this is a pretty common place to be after accomplishing some major goals. How to move forward and set goals.

    If anyone has been in this position after their divorce and has some thoughts on it I'd love to hear it.

    Thanks

  • #2
    Congrats!

    Setting future finite goals is very useful, but perhaps your next goal could be to find 10 ways to foster content in the day-to-day, here-and-now.

    There was a recent movie 'About Time' (Bill Nighy as dad of awkward lovelorn young man) that made this point quite well.

    I too have some difficulty in maintaining when there is not something on the horizon. Now reading the Dalai Lama's Art of Happiness.

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    • #3
      Those are pretty common goals, so they are easy to generate. Most everybody wants to be a healthy weight, travel the world, be financially stable, advance in their career and enjoy their life. Not to say that they aren't admirable goals, or to downgrade the accomplishment of achieving them, because that's awesome, but the goals themselves aren't hard to come up with because society in general forces them at us.

      Now that you have those things, it's time for more personalized goals, which is naturally trickier. Did you have any hobbies you loved in the past that you might like to get back into? What about other ambitions you may have set aside? Something you've always wanted to try?

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      • #4
        Bravo on reaching your goals! Mine were/are very similar (item 7 = learning something beneficial while accomplishing items 1 through 6).

        Concerning the future I find it useful to keep my 'bucket list' in sight while having smaller short term projects that keep me going and are well within my grasp. It could be anything from growing tomatoes, renovating one small part of the house, to learning a new hobby, getting involved in volunteering - whatever interests you.

        How about some activity that you really enjoyed when you were young but never had time for as an adult? As we grow older and get bogged down with all the pressures of adulthood, we tend to forget who we are and what we really cared about ....

        The main thing is creating these small goals while working on the bigger picture. Life being the way it is, it's best to be flexible and open to new ideas.

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        • #5
          What about trying something altruistic? Maybe find a way to help those in need, in a situation that you feel strongly about. Giving back to others or helping out a cause that is important to you is sometimes very satisfying.
          Last edited by SadAndTired; 02-15-2014, 09:49 AM.

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          • #6
            Well said sadandtired. I couldn't come up with something better and more gratifying.

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            • #7
              FB_ - congratulations to you for coming out on top. You certainly had a very rough go of things there for a while. It doesn't seem that long ago that you were stuck in your basement ...

              I'd recommend trying something totally new. You're a reasonably young man so you should find something that will challenge you for a long time. I'd recommend golf. You can spend your life trying to improve and you meet many nice people from all facets of life. Golf is something you can do when you travel and when you're old. You can play on a weekly men's league and if you get good enough you can go into tournaments. If you have a g/f you can get her interested in it as well. There are also many programs for children of all ages.

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