Withholding Passport

[vocalfather]

My ex and I both have shared custody of our kids. Things have been fairly peaceful until recently without merit. She has advised me that she will not allow me to travel with my kids out of country and that I can get a mediator to advise why. We have had a separation agreement in place for almost two years now. Our agreement states that I have the passport in even years and her in odd. She never requested the passports this year and I quite honestly had forgotten all about it. It's less than 2 months now until the passports come back to me but as she's put it, there's no point because she'll block my ability to travel. She is now asking for the passports back for the 1.5 months. I know she has no intention to even provide them back to me. I would love some advice from others in this case. Our separation agreement states that if there's any issues we must first seek to mediate with each other, then a mediator, then lawyers and the courts if necessary. Should I continue to hold these passports and hope everything blows over? She's an extreme hothead, diagnosed mental illness and can go from being very agreeable to hateful in seconds.

Thanks In Advance for your advice and assistance in this.

[firhill]

She has advised me that she will not allow me to travel with my kids out of country and that I can get a mediator to advise why. We have had a separation agreement in place for almost two years now. Our agreement states that I have the passport in even years and her in odd.

How did she communicate this to you? By e-mail, in person, text?

[vocalfather]

She communicated this by text.

How did she communicate this to you? By e-mail, in person, text?

[vocalfather]

Of course she's texting now saying that she should have "never given my shared custody" and "she is not entrusting me to leave the country with them".

[blinkandimgone]

She would be wise to remember that the children and custody of them are not hers to give and take.

[standing on the sidelines]

Of course she's texting now saying that she should have "never given my shared custody" and "she is not entrusting me to leave the country with them".

If I was you I would play by the rules. Let her be the one to screw up and when she does take her to court. Has something happened lately to explain her attitude?

[vocalfather]

Exactly blinkandimgone!

@standing on the sidelines, I would normally agree but I would rather not release these passports as I'm trying to see if she's really just spiting fire. She suffers from diagnosed mental illness and this time of year is always bad.

[standing on the sidelines]

Exactly blinkandimgone!

@standing on the sidelines, I would normally agree but I would rather not release these passports as I'm trying to see if she's really just spiting fire. She suffers from diagnosed mental illness and this time of year is always bad.

You have to think on how a judge will view it. She has threatened but hasn't done anything. If you keep the passports and defy the court order then it doesn't look good for you at all. You are the one who broke the court order then, not her. If you already know that this time of year is bad and I think in some ways you think she is just bluffing, then why amp it up?

[vocalfather]

@standing on the sidelines - I totally hear what you are saying. I'm not attempting to amp anything up. I've been trying to be peaceable for so long. She has defied so many things in the order this year and I have done nothing for the sake of peace. She has no need of the passport. She's just trying to issue control and be manipulative. Is there anything I could say/do to justify keeping the passports?

[vocalfather]

So quick question - what would happen if she didn't give me the passports on Jan 1st when I request them? I have to mediate and then court if she refuses?

[dinkyface]

You'll need to get her to provide a notarised consent letter too. Just having the passport is not enough.

[vocalfather]

I know...that is the frustrating part. So very frustrating.

[blinkandimgone]

Doesn't sound like mediation would be a solution as this issue has already been dealt with and ruled on. You would need to file a motion and get her back in front of the judge, hopefully with passports in hand to provide at the time.

Unfortunately, if you don't provide them now at her request, you won't have much of a leg to stand on when you request them from her and she refuses. Two wrongs don't make a right, play by the rules, follow your agreement and follow through with a motion if needed at a later date.

[vocalfather]

Thank you all!

[Mess]

If this were me, I would keep the passports, but I would send a registered letter explaining why in a businesslike way. I'm not saying you should do this, you should follow your own judgement, but I have to set a lot of strict boundaries in a situation like this.

She has stated her intention to violate the travel consent clause of the separation agreement, and therefore you feel that she is acting in bad faith and cannot be trusted to return the documents at the specified time.

You are wondering how a judge would see it. They would see that she is wasting the court's time with a ridiculous motion that is unnecessary, and they would see you has having legitimate reason for concern since she has stated in texts - which you have printed out and are providing in a fashion that is admissible evidence - that she intends on violating the separation agreement on an issue that is directly related to the passports.

When a party to an agreement acts in bad faith, or threatens to, then you are not at fault for taking reasonable steps to protect yourself.

Regarding mediation, I think that this is a black and white issue, there is nothing to mediate, you have the issue settled in the separation agreement.

That being said, using a session of OPEN mediation to get her attitude and demands out in the open, in a way that is verifiable, witnessed, and recorded, can help you immeasurably down the road. Don't look at the mediation as negotiation so much as looking at it as a chance to get evidence that she is renegging on the agreement and being aggressive.