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What would you do if you gave up the summer vacation with the child?

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  • What would you do if you gave up the summer vacation with the child?

    Well, sometimes even I get lost in the details, and likely there is no clear cut answer, I'm just curious about your thoughts and opinion. Don't be afraid of insulting me or playing the devil's advocate, even that might help because this is f*cked up.

    According to the court order we have 2x 1 week vacation with d9 during the summer. Last year we went to Cuba for one week, camping/Ottawa/hanging around the second week. D9 wanted to go back since the day we arrived from Cuba, so for this year I scheduled a trip there again. Ex consented the travel, then after I booked/paid the 7 days travel she withdrew the consent. She claimed that D9 was anxious from going to Cuba last year, people speak foreign language there, D9 has learning disability and there are no phones. I dragged her to the court where the judge made a weird, but understandable decision: we are allowed to travel without the mother's consent - but only for 4 days. And ordered the OCL assessment.
    This was because of the "anxiety" claim, obviously the judge didn't want to cause any damage, and she suspected that the claim is BS, that's why she ordered the OCL assessment.
    But for us this was bad, as going to Cuba for 4 days would have been straight crazy, cancelling it would have disappointed D9. So made an offer to ex: I give up on the second 1 week vacation if she consents this travel. She accepted the offer so we had a great vacation and we just returned from Cuba last week. I made this offer because I knew that her goal is to ruin our vacation/reduce our time, so my offer satisfied her requirement. BUT: by accepting my offer IMHO she proved that her claims about anxiety/foreign language/no phone were false and fabricated, as obviously if these were real issues, giving up on the second 1 week wouldn't have made them disappear and wouldn't have made the Cuban vacation acceptable. So basically she mislead the judge. Based on the misleading information the judge made an order which didn't work for any of us. I made an offer what she accepted, and with the acceptance she admitted that her reasons to withdraw her consent were false.

    Now I requested the 2nd one week vacation as I feel that this agreement is invalid as I signed it under duress, and if she didn't mislead the judge I wouldn't even had to make that offer.

    So we have a court order, which contains 2x one week vacation, and we have this weird agreement in which I give up on the second one.

    I have the first interview with the OCL investigator in two weeks, but the report is not going to be finished before October.

    So what do you think, if I file for a motion for the 2nd week vacation (not even a contempt motion, just a simple motion) is the judge going to rip me apart or rip my ex apart?
    Last edited by BitHunter; 07-11-2013, 09:58 PM.

  • #2
    Can you really go to court and fight for your second week back before summer is over? I would just wait for the OCL assessment process, and make sure the evaluator knows everything you just described.

    Otherwise you'll look like you're manipulative and negotiated giving up the second week in bad faith. You now have great proof that the ex just wanted to wreck your already booked holiday, and is doing everything she can to remove the child's time with you. You paid for it with a week without your child this summer, but in the end, hopefully it will make your future vacation plans unassailable. Meanwhile, you can let her think she's "won" this battle, and send her a nice email saying something like "Thank you for being so flexible about this Cuba trip after all. She had a great time, and there were none of the anxieties you mentioned to the judge. There would definitely not be any issues with me taking the second week after all, as we won't be leaving the country for that one." Then she either gives it back, or looks like an idiot when the OCL assessment is done and you are in court again.

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    • #3
      I would use this proof with the assessor, and when you go back to court after the completion of the report, request an additional week NEXT year based on your ex's obvious attempt to wreck your vacation plans.

      I would also request a clause in the order giving you permission to travel to any country that is part of the Hague Convention without the need to obtain consent to travel from the ex.

      Cuba does NOT qualify for this, but it'll at least give you some other options for travel in the future.

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      • #4
        A missed vacation can never be replaced, one week this year and three weeks next year are really not equivalent with two weeks this year and two weeks next year. But in this case it seems due to the ongoing OCL investigation, the short time until the end of the summer and the sketchy agreement I'll skip starting another motion, and waiting patiently what the OCL is going to come up in this situation.

        Thanks for the opinions, it helped me slowing down a bit.

        Comment

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