Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Actually are trying to communicate and write up an agreement!!

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Actually are trying to communicate and write up an agreement!!

    It has been over a year and over 10 000 dollars each spent on lawyers trying to draft an agreement. My ex initiated a conversation that virtually has led to agreeing to everything to be written up to be signed. I do not want to fight financially or emotionally anymore.
    Both of us realize that too much money was being spent and we weren't getting anywhere.
    Basically my ex has agreed to the very first proposed agreement I presented. The only difference was that now the equilization payment would be nil.(it equals out)
    My ex warns me that my lawyer better not slip anything into this agreement that his lawyer will want hashed out. He believes his lawyer will tell him he is getting ripped off.
    So I just want to write it up --but unsure of some of the wording. He agreed to child support to start Jan 2013 with no arrears. I was in agreeance that any sec 7 expenses he wished to help with were to be up to him, but I would like help with any dental.
    He wants the 400$cs to be a fixed amount for 2 years.(for 3 kids) and he has dropped his claim for spousal support.
    Visitation and holidays I think can be agreed upon. ( EOW and 2 wed overnites)
    He will be moving in with his partner and also warned that they will never be putting their money together so I wasn`t to include her income down the line.That is fine.
    Question--how do i write up the sec 7 exp part...
    is there anything else I am leaving out...
    i have an apt with my lawyer tomorrow...
    any advice would be appreciated!

  • #2
    Originally posted by ftmomont View Post
    Visitation and holidays I think can be agreed upon. ( EOW and 2 wed overnites)
    Poor guy, losing his kids. If he was writing on the forum, I would be giving him a slap and telling him to fight for shared custody now before it is too late. Too bad that your children will be losing their father as well.

    Your personal victory is at the expense of your children.

    any advice would be appreciated!
    Sorry, I can't help somebody who thinks that it is reasonable to limit a father to EOW and 2 wed overnights. He should not be "visiting" the children, the term itself is offensive.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Janus View Post
      Poor guy, losing his kids. If he was writing on the forum, I would be giving him a slap and telling him to fight for shared custody now before it is too late. Too bad that your children will be losing their father as well.

      Your personal victory is at the expense of your children.

      Sorry, I can't help somebody who thinks that it is reasonable to limit a father to EOW and 2 wed overnights. He should not be "visiting" the children, the term itself is offensive.
      Read her past posts, he seems like a real winner.
      A true father figure... not.
      Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

      Comment


      • #4
        He has never asked for the kids any more...these are the times he requested. He is also the one moving away from his kids ( 45 minutes ) . I have never withheld the kids despite a very negative relationship this last year. And I do not talk ill of him to my girls.
        In one of his letters of proposed settlement he suggested that for Christmas he gets them 4pm on the eve until 12pm on Christmas day......they are home from school 3 weeks!!!!!
        I am just agreeing to what he says so that the crazy lawyer bills stop. My kids are really entitled to more from him but in the end--I will provide the best I can for him. It will be joint custody.
        Just do not know how to specify that he may pay some extras if he so chooses...

        mcdreamy---thank you for reading
        .Read her past posts, he seems like a real winner.
        A true father figure... not.

        Comment


        • #5
          I don't know a heck of a lot about CS issues as I fortunately didn't have to travel down that road during my divorce. However, with that said I believe you owe it to your kids to ensure they get as much CS as is legally due to them. This would also include section 7 expenses. If you want to scrimp on how much SS you request that is your right but be sure to request everything you can for your children.

          Do not be dictated to by the lawyers. This is YOUR life decision to make, certainly not the opposing lawyers. Sounds like your getting beaten into accepting a deal that might not be in your children's best interests.

          I would indeed add something to your request, namely life insurance.

          Regarding future partner's income. Don't agree to that. You might find yourself in a very bad financial situation in the future and need to exercise your rights. Again, do what is best for your children. Sure it may cost you a bit of money now for lawyers but some day you may be thankful you held out.

          Stand firm and don't be swayed by their lawyer. If something doesn't sit well with you then don't agree to it.

          Comment


          • #6
            Do not be dictated to by the lawyers. This is YOUR life decision to make, certainly not the opposing lawyers.
            This is sound advice. If you believe the agreement will let you and your children move forwards with your lives and live well, then it is your right to decide on it. Lawyers help you understand your rights and obligations, as well as the consequences of your decisions. Ultimately, however, they are your decisions.

            Regarding future partner's income. Don't agree to that.
            In Ontario, the future partner's income is not considered unless there is undue hardship on the payor.

            Comment


            • #7
              OP could experience undue hardship in future. That is why I most certainly wouldn't put a statement like that in there. Very combatant for the opposing side to want that statement in there. Hope the rest of the document is carefully reviewed.

              Comment


              • #8
                [QUOTE=arabian;11458] However, with that said I believe you owe it to your kids to ensure they get as much CS as is legally due to them. This would also include section 7 expenses. If you want to scrimp on how much SS you request that is your right but be sure to request everything you can for your children.

                I am not asking my ex for spousal support--in fact he threathened me that he would go for support as long as i requested child support up until now.He will not agree to more than this 400 per month so I do not want to fight a dying cause.Today he stated that he would never be rich --mind you he even said that would nott prevent him from going on vacations thru the years--as they are a necessity to enjoy life. ( without his kids btw)


                I would indeed add something to your request, namely life insurance.
                I have it in the agreement that he has life insurance with me as the beneficiary in trust for the kids. He wants someone else as beneficiary. It is a bone of contention.One year ago he did not sign a similar agreement because i would not assign him as beneficiary of my life insurance. Again today he stated if something were to happen to me--how would he be able to take care of the kids!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  [QUOTE=ftmomont;114715]
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post

                  He will not agree to more than this 400 per month so I do not want to fight a dying cause.Today he stated that he would never be rich --mind you he even said that would nott prevent him from going on vacations thru the years--as they are a necessity to enjoy life. ( without his kids btw)
                  He doesn't get to dictate what he will pay for CS... the guidelines get to dictate. You could sign an agreement that he will only pay $400, but if he should be paying more, you can take him back to court anytime to get it adjusted to the correct amount. Do things by the book and if he wants to go to court over it, he will lose.


                  I would indeed add something to your request, namely life insurance.
                  I have it in the agreement that he has life insurance with me as the beneficiary in trust for the kids. He wants someone else as beneficiary. It is a bone of contention.One year ago he did not sign a similar agreement because i would not assign him as beneficiary of my life insurance. Again today he stated if something were to happen to me--how would he be able to take care of the kids!!!
                  Some list the other parent as the beneficiary, others don't. We just purchased life insurance and the bf listed his brother as the beneficiary for the life insurance to cover his CS and other obligations.

                  When speaking to our insurance broker, it was made clear that should the children NOT be looked after in the life insurance policies, the other parent can make a claim against the estate. As long as you both have a policy in place with someone as the beneficiary, that should be all that is needed.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ftmomont View Post
                    i would not assign him as beneficiary of my life insurance. Again today he stated if something were to happen to me--how would he be able to take care of the kids!!!
                    If you die, he gains sole custody of the children. You owe him child support since he has sole custody, but you are dead. Life insurance is your way of fulfilling that obligation to your children.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by OrleansLawyer View Post
                      This is sound advice. If you believe the agreement will let you and your children move forwards with your lives and live well, then it is your right to decide on it. Lawyers help you understand your rights and obligations, as well as the consequences of your decisions. Ultimately, however, they are your decisions.
                      It is good advice like this that separates the exceptional and settlement focused lawyers from the negative advocate solicitors.

                      Always a pleasure to read comments from OreleansLawyer. Restores faith in the legal profession every day.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                        When speaking to our insurance broker, it was made clear that should the children NOT be looked after in the life insurance policies, the other parent can make a claim against the estate. As long as you both have a policy in place with someone as the beneficiary, that should be all that is needed.
                        That doesn't make sense. If a father say has a policy in place that names his best friend as a beneficiary, but his estate is worth pretty much zero, how will the mother be able to make any worthwhile claim?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Janus View Post
                          That doesn't make sense. If a father say has a policy in place that names his best friend as a beneficiary, but his estate is worth pretty much zero, how will the mother be able to make any worthwhile claim?
                          Life insurance is part of the estate... at least by what we were told. If there is money after his death, the children are looked after first.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Janus View Post
                            If you die, he gains sole custody of the children. You owe him child support since he has sole custody, but you are dead. Life insurance is your way of fulfilling that obligation to your children.
                            Thanks I had not thought of it that way . He already knows i have a sizeable policy on the kids.My brother being the beneficiary in trust. He suggested that he would need to buy a new home if something were to happen. i do not see why that should be my responsiblity. He believes that his 400 is enough cs for me to provide for the kids.I want my kids to all earn higher educations etc.My brother knows my wishes and I trust him to make wise decisions more so than my ex. He said he would work with my ex.

                            Maybe I should just get a smaller policy for my ex for this specific reason.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by ftmomont View Post
                              Thanks I had not thought of it that way . He already knows i have a sizeable policy on the kids.My brother being the beneficiary in trust. He suggested that he would need to buy a new home if something were to happen. i do not see why that should be my responsiblity. He believes that his 400 is enough cs for me to provide for the kids.I want my kids to all earn higher educations etc.My brother knows my wishes and I trust him to make wise decisions more so than my ex. He said he would work with my ex.

                              Maybe I should just get a smaller policy for my ex for this specific reason.
                              Hell, no. You have a policy, in trust for your kids. If you die, your cs payments will be paid from that policy. Why on earth would your policy pay for the ex to buy a house? Is he buying you one? Your kids will receive no financial benefit from him having a house, courtesy of your policy.

                              Leave your brother, in trust, as beneficiary. And as long as your ex has a policy, in trust - and his beneficiary is as a trustee only, you should have no worries, either.

                              eta: ps. please stop with the bolding
                              Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X