Upside down mortgage

[hemademesingle]

Hi

I am in the middle of a high conflict divorce, the children and I live in the marital home, we have no child or spousal support orders in place, yes lawyer is working on it, however future x has yet to provide his financials, motions have been filed against him, he does not show up for court, does what he wants, pays only what he feels the children are worth that month.

House has to be sold in an as is condition, well below what the mortgage is, the mortgage company says that upon the close of house full mortgage has to be paid, we are unable to get a loan without collateral for the large amount needed, if we cannot come up with the funds, then of course the sale of the house would not go thru. I have a real estate agent, who has been unsuccessful in trying to help the future x understand the situation. I know that I can have a judge make an appropriate decision for the future x, not sure if this is the best idea.

The children attend post secondary education in a city an hour away, the future x pushed for this, the children and I are planning on moving to the city where they attend school.

The future x moved thousands of miles away over 3 years ago, he expects me to transport the kids back and forth to college, might not be a bad idea if there schedules were somewhat similar

It will take 2 years at the current payment schedule to be far enough below what the mortgage is to not worry about having to take out loan to pay off mortgage.

My spousal support pays for the total mortgage of 2000 a month, weekly mortgage payment. Future x has tried to spin stories to his lawyer about the equity that is being built, how I wanted to stay in house, I have proven documents on the condition of house when he left, he's no handy man lol, an appraisal from when he left, I have exclusive possession.

Should I just leave house sitting empty for the couple years, till I know that the mortgage can be covered? I feel that this is going to be the simplest solution,

Does the marital home have to be sold in order for the divorce to proceed forward?

[arabian]

I would think that the house would have to be disposed of before divorce is final as it was the marital home. If the house is sold and there is a liability (money owed) then that amount will likely be split between the two of you.

I know what it's like to be married to a loser who leaves his responsibilities to others.

Sounds like you are facing a foreclosure situation with the house? Is that what you're saying?

[dinkyface]

If you do that, you are choosing to swallow that debt yourself, instead of 'sharing' it with your STBX.

Are there some other assets that can be traded for that debt i.e. you propose to take on the debt, AND also take her RRSP (i.e. something equivalent in value)?

Also, you should have a proper appraisal done, so that it is not just opinion about how much it will sell for, and whether should be listed 'as is'. It is the value NOW that you will be splitting, not the value 2 years from now.

[hemademesingle]

Thank you for the responses

The future x cut out part of a roof truss in an unfinished attic, with no building permit of course. Even if you couldn't see the truss that has been cut, it still would need to be disclosed, the same as the leaky sun room roof, leaky laundry room, leaky shower, I've thought of contacting Canada's worse handyman, see if they want to do a show on it.

There has been no property insurance on the house for over a year, just to mention I paid future x's half of the property insurance until it was canceled, this alone causes me major stress

As far as it goes right now all my spousal support goes to the mortgage,

No matter what way I look at it is going to cost me money, either my spousal support for a house that isn't worth anything, money for a lawyer to have future x's opinion removed and a judge make the decision for him(he won't even sign) for house to be sold, the difference between what the mortgage is worth and what we can sell it for.

We had a professional appraisal done in 2008, it came back low by about 15000 compared to the market at the time, I was shocked then especially because it sits on a double lot, reasons there was no completed jobs in the house, there had been a leaky roof for 14 years in the sun room, it's a simple repair, just the removal of an old chimney.

[billm]

...I've thought of contacting Canada's worse handyman, see if they want to do a show on it.

....

Your loyalty and trust to you ex is commendable (not)

[blinkandimgone]

Should have kept that insuramce paid up, it'll likely be difficult to get it insured now with all the poor work and damage done to it - probably won't pass inspection without a pretty penny poured into it first. As well, it WILL affect the selling value and time it takes to sell. People don't want to buy a house that needs a tonne of work, isn't insured and isn't insurable. The longer it takes to sell the place, the more it will cost you.

Your loyalty and trust to you ex is commendable (not)

No kidding, bill. Apparently it was fine all this time while they were together (god forbid in 14 years SHE noticed a leaky roof or decided to do something about it) but now that they're divorcing, it's ALL HIS FAULT!

But would you really expect anything more from a poster whose username screams 'denial'. Apparently while HE was forgetting to fix the roof, HE made her single, too!

[dinkyface]

... you may be selling it for land value only, given the lot size.

[standing on the sidelines]

doesnt the bank usually require that the house be insured and the insurance kept up as part of the mortgage agreement??

[hemademesingle]

Not only myself but also an electrician tried to tell the future x not to cut out the roof truss,

My future x suffers from a mental illness, it was diagnosed just before he vanished.

The insurance company wanted to do an inspection, as it's an old house, they said that they do this, when they came and inspected the house they never said anything, 2 months later I received a notice that they would not insure the house due to the home repairs.

I had no control over the future x, I came home from work to find out that he had cut out the roof truss, for no real reason that I can figure out, it made no sense at the time and it still makes no sense

[standing on the sidelines]

you have to understand though you do have some hand in all this, you cannot blame the ex for everything. You knew the roof was leaking for 14 years but did not do anything about it. Accept your responsibility in some matters and stop blaming the ex for everything. When he cut the roof truss you should of had a guy out there the next day fixing it.

An electrician told him not to cut the roof truss?? Would have been better to have someone more qualified telling him that. Plus that proves you know what he was thinking of doing before he did it.

You leave the house empty for two years you still have to pay for the same stuff you are now plus there may be damage from vandals etc.

[hemademesingle]

I'm not blaming the x for everything, he did the damage to the house, I was not allowed to hire someone to do repairs on the house, he would have had a melt down,

Had no choice but to let the insurance company do an inspection, I paid all the insurance for the property,

I also thought that if the insurance was cancelled that the mortgage would be called but according to the bank, you only have to have insurance in place when buying a home, which makes for a very big loop hole for the bank.

I care about my future x and his mental well being, that is why I have dealt with all the house issues on my own, with no financial help from him, nor any support to help deal with the issues, his thoughts now are that he will fly back and forth to do the repairs on the house, totally crazy when he claims he can't afford to pay his child support, that is the only thing he is asked to pay.

From the time we bought the house 19 years ago, he had done odd things, one day I came home from work to find the laneway blocked off, part of the lane way had been paved, about 1/3, it wasn't done right and within a few weeks weeds were growing up threw it. He was so proud paid 600 to have a part job done, the rest of the lane way is a mud hole. He never had any intentions to have the rest paved

Please before you judge, walk a mile in my shoes,

[Berner_Faith]

So for 19 years you allowed the ex to ruin the property? For 14 years you knew the roof was leaking and according to you was an easy fix? I am sorry but you are also to blame. Whether ex would have a melt down or not you should have protected YOUR joint investment. Because you didn't do that, you now owe more than its worth... After owing for 19 years... Fact is you sat by and allowed (watched) and now you are stuck with the consequences. You screwed up just as much as he did.

We just bought a house in June, the first project was a fence, bf started it but after 3 weeks it still was not done... So I hired a company and they finished it in an afternoon... Bf came home and was upset but I was not waiting any longer for this to be completed... And guess what, now when he starts something he finishes it or else I get someone else to do it.

[FightingForFamily]

You just said you had no financial help from him? You're doing it all on your own? But didn't you earlier state that you are receiving $2000 a month in spousal support? That's more than enough to live on.

Which is it...

Wait, you said he has mental illness, but by that amount of SS he is making upwards for $120k per year. I wish I had that mental illness...

[hemademesingle]

Yep and it's sad, he was a severely abused child, for many years, all forms of abuse,his mother committed suicide, his oldest sibling committed suicide, his middle sibling is a drug addict prostitute, his niece is a drug addict prostitute, now his nieces daughter has gone the same path, my 2 children are the only family that he has that are stable, our youngest suffers from depression, which counselling is ongoing, you can probably tell I supervised my children's time with his family,

The first few years together oldest sibling told things of dinner being tossed across the room, locked in closets, bleeding from the bottom, this is stories she told of my future x, he never ever told of any abuse, by the time we were married bought house the stories got worse, after she died there was a lot of her stuff left some of it was writings from when she had sought treatment, the stuff was horrific no child should ever have to live like that


I tried to get him help many times he went to 5 appointments, got a diagnosis,unless he is a harm to himself or others you can't make them get help, would never return to complete counselling, I truly feel sorry for him, his kids begged him to get help, yes I was with him when he was nothing but a general laborer, and supported him while he went to trade school, he is extremely smart,

I wish him no ill well, but I couldn't live with the constant crazy things that he does,

I just don't know which way to turn on the house, all ways are a no win situation, which is best that is what I'm trying to figure out

[murphyslaw]

What's stopping you from doing some of the work yourself?Dont need a degree to replace a few shingles or fill potholes.The house is falling into disrepair?Get out and fix it!The beam ex cut out?Put another beam into replace it until it can be done right.Patch holes in the walls ,its very simple and painless.There is a million manuals out there to teach you how and most of them are free on the internet.Its not like having boobs stops you from learning these things.It will give you a sense of accomplishment,a nicer house and save you a fortune.