Ex-wife meddling from afar!

[OfficeBob]

Hi

I've raised my girl(14) and boy(11) singlehanded since 2004, no CS.
Ex lives 7.5 hours away by choice, doing her own thing with boyfriend
and she under-emlpoys herself. Only thing she pays for unfourtunately is
daughter's BlackBerry. I don't think the jury is out on how scerewed up kids get when glued to a cell phone. I cannot discipline the child (i.e. take her phone away) without the daughter calling the mother. The mother than immediately phones the cops. Has happened about 8 times now, The Cops are onto her and seem to have no problem with my child rearing. CAS was called once by the Mother as well. Again, no case. All of this I can handle but it's geting annoying. I don't want to go to court, I don't even want to pursue CS even though I know its the children's money. But I feel Like calling CAS on her (a lowdown tactic). The mother needs to be educated that parents require solidarity together on items such as discipline. Any suggesstions.

Regards

[HammerDad]

You need to teach the child reasonable boundaries and advise the ex that you are entitled to discipline the child within reasonable boundaries.

Re the kid - simply tell the child you will not accept ANY phone usage during certain times, like dinner or after the hours of 10pm or whatever. Should she receive a message, she can reply to it at a later point. There is nothing earth shattering that is going to happen should she not respond immediately.

But be firm with the girl. She needs to understand that no means no. Should she call mom and mom threaten you, you advise mother that due to her location she is not privy to matters on going in your house. Should she wish to involve herself she is welcome, but she is not to undermine your parental authority in your own home. As parents you are able to use your reasonable judgment when disciplining the children and you don't believe that removal of a cell phone for a short period of time is unreasonable.

There is also radio silence. When mom calls, let it go to voicemail and then respond in email. Be civil and business like. Keep it to the facts and that you are trying to instill boundaries as the child is unable or unwilling to abide by your rules of no cell phone use during X and Y periods. Should she have any reasonable concerns with this, you are willing to discuss them with her (via email).

But stop answering her calls. If she calls the cops, let her. They will eventually get tired of it. Shake your head when they show up, be civil and just say it is mom trying to dictate the rules in your house. All you did was tell the kid to put the phone down.

I might also suggest counselling with you and your daughter. Maybe hearing from someone else that constantly having a phone to face/ear isn't appropriate/polite/reasonable.

[sufferer]

Hi there,

Now the girl is 14 and two years from now she can choose where she lives.That what the mom is preparing her for by giving the things which are expensive and their use has to be controlled buy the custodial parent.
At this age what is acceptable for teenagers is generally not for the parents.

So you have to be firm on your daughter.You have raised her and she should understand you better than the mom.

[NBDad]

Hate to break it to you, but at 14, the child's wishes are essentially what goes. No police officer in the country (or judge for that matter) is going to attempt to force a 14 year old to live somewhere they don't want to.

The other party still has an obligation to have things changed officially and through the correct process, BUT if pushed, what the child wishes is a virtual lock in a courtroom setting.

[mcdreamy]

Perhaps the easiest answer is find another form of discipline that works in your house.

Lay down the rules on cell phone etiquette - when it is/is not appropriate to be bbm'ing in your house, so she's not texting at your dinner table.

I've found weekend groundings with no friends allowed or missing gatherings to be a better form of discipline for my teenager anyway.

[OfficeBob]

Thanks Replies.

Will be trying some of the strategies suggested.

All the Best