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Part I - I finished the post of lastnight - I just don't know

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  • Part I - I finished the post of lastnight - I just don't know

    I admit this is long - way long....... but in the end so much is not here - I am trying but in the end i only have so much to give... So i finished the post of yesterday with the unknown hit of the send button:


    In the past I have posted trying to get a handle on "the right thing to do" as we live in seperation (if we have even reached that point yet?) with our three children, 17, 21, 22 and I admit my advice to me in this situation is to discuss these concerns with stbx to come up with some form of solution. Except there is no form of discussion going on here about any subject - even the most important at this point which is agreement on paying the ongoing day-to-day bills. I have long since adopted the advice to communicate via e-mail from here on out and I can only assume she doesn't like this as she doesn't respond. Several times she has attempted to verbalize her aggression - which I have not allowed........ I remind her politely in a non-aggressive manner that we need to communicate these things via e-mail for both our benefit(s)? Sounds good to me.


    Where are we today?
    1. sep 8 my first e-mail message to her asking to table something she could live with (first two attempts to come up with a "status-quo" plan were mine - both lasted 2.3 days before she returned to just doing as she pleased leaving me to discover on my own, by accident, what she did as she felt communication wasn't necessary - shewill do as she feels.
    2. sep 19 her response - no numbers but a list of utilities, food and taxes. some to me , some to her, some shared, more to me if it was cold outside - some would be switched if the "gerbil" saw her shadow on Feb 2nd (ok what is it? ground hog *), some..... My response.......I was nice I said I was politely confused but without dollar amounts how can I know if I can keep up???
    3. sep 19 I had been working on this for weeks, polished up that afternoon but I listed our incomes, a complete list of our bills, the unknowns like if something broke in the house, or the car which is being used for 97% family stuff. Again my plan * but it represented a status quo arrangement with seperate accounts at least.


    October 10 2011 - Silence. No response aside from her again (reality is this practice has not stopped - but I have accepted advice to cease any and all divorce communication with the kids and I have done so)So no response from her aside from her continuing to include the kids in the divorce affairs, providing them with half truths and misinformation as she continues with her smear Dad compaign.


    So there is no agreement, i get my disability and so far it has gone to pay the bills that were on the visa and more recent ongoing stuff - since I made the move to have my name removed from the various bills that need to get paid every month - the bills are getting paid now. (this is a good thing as her depleting the account used to pay the bills and her holding money back so I couldn't get the bills paid was not working!) It is the bulk of her salary now, the bills are in her name and last I checked I have paid near 80% plus of what i had income wise paying the bills and even though
    I have communicated this to her.


    Why am I actually posting???
    1. Paying the bills. financially i am just squeeking by.... ,and she tells the kids i pay nothiing - leaving everything for her to pay. If this months disability check comes in by the Visa due date then I think I shall have a whopping $75 left over! I started this post last night and I unknowingly hit send (again sorry for the confusion) but using Beebee's advice to think not morally right but legally obligated to the Divorce Act and the Child Support Guidelines (thank you beebee this really did help). I have tried, on my third try actually, to finally get an agreement on our financial obligations as we live under the same roof which would cover "whatever property regime this is" and to our verbal agreement regarding the kids which we, I believe rightfully, agreed to continue supporting the kids as we always have. Stbx wants out, that is ok - I have always worked at keeping things as status quo for the kids while we live under the same roof - what it will be once we are divorced I do not know. But today they shouldn't pay for their parent's divorce - they have their own lives to worry about.


    So before she said divorce we had a family with three children, a dog, a cat, two more dogs which are my eldest daughter's (she takes care of her own dogs) and although I disagreed in silience my stbx picked up a stray kitten in our backyard from the mom cat who had left it behind as she was moving her other babies. I look at it as added expenses at this time (in a little over two months it is near $300 with the vet bill last week). Oh and I must remember she is also the person who tried to stop our family dog's meds this spring - not sure about the next vet bill. The week before she cut long distance off the phone line because I used it to talk with my sisters to "save" $7!! I know issue there is the family dog, since i went on disabily some 8 years ago is basically attached to my hip - she is rarly not within a few feet of me day and night and goes bannanas when i have to leave her behind for an appointment!!

  • #2
    I'm not sure what to tell you other than to be thankful your kids' are the ages they are. While I understand they are still your children, they are for the most part adults (your not dealing with 6 & 8 yr olds).

    If you are still living in the same house, you need to get an Form 8: Application (General) going ... http://www.ontariocourtforms.on.ca/f...un1507_ODA.pdf

    read it over, fill it out and file it.

    When there is no negotiating (or response from your ex) you have to move forward or else you will end up driving yourself crazy & bankrupting yourself. You CAN do this ... you HAVE to do this. If it's over, prolonging the inevitable does no one any good.

    I know it doesn't seem like it right now but I imagine despite what your ex says, if your kids are 17, 21 & 22, they know the real scoop and if they don't and are falling for your ex's BS hook, line & sinker then your screwed and you need to do whatever you can to protect yourself.

    Best of luck )

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