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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 09-28-2011, 11:02 PM
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Wow, your story Karmaseeker is so similar to mine - and it's scary!

I wrote a summary of my story then decided it wasn't appropriate to steal your thunder.. I will join you in writing some politicians.

Do you think emails also work or letters are better?

Last edited by baldclub; 09-28-2011 at 11:24 PM. Reason: To make sense
  #32 (permalink)  
Old 09-28-2011, 11:08 PM
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Originally Posted by baldclub View Post
Wow, your story Karmaseeker is so similar to mine - and it's scary!

I wrote a summary then decided it wasn't appropriate to steal your thunder.. I will join you in writing some politicians.

Do you think emails also work or letters are better?

No thunder to steal ... share away helps people know they are not alone.

Emails are good! A lot of MP's even take the time to read them and a few will write back. The more people write the more likely change will happen.
  #33 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2011, 03:17 PM
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Not neccesarily on the same topic, but does anyone know of anyone writing to politicians with regards to the laws of marriage? I think that many people waste so much time, consideration and money when ending marriages, and very little time, consideration and money (well, sometimes the party costs a lot) to actually enter into a marriage.

I have wondered since the beginning of my separation, why there are not more procedures surrounding the process of marriage to prevent the heartbreak (especially to children involved), destruction, and financial stresses that surround divorce. For example, why does a couple have to live appart for one year (in most cases) to be able to apply for divorce, yet there is no limit on how long a couple is engaged before they are able to apply for a marriage application? I think that if there was more thought/information/education/procedures for couples PRIOR to marriage, it might actually have an affect on the divorce rate. Similar to religions that require pre-marital courses, but without the religion part of it, and of course that are actually effective.

I realize my thoughts are very raw and I recognize that this does not include people that enter into common-law relationships, but I think many couples would not be in the situation a lot of us on this forum are in, if they knew more about what to expect of marriage, and knew more about the person they were marrying and how compatible they were with regards to the issues that come up in marriages.

Just something I've wondered...
  #34 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2011, 04:30 PM
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I totally agree with you my friend ! The govt is mandating "education" courses only when divorce is already underway; common sense would indicate having to take a course BEFORE a marriage license is granted makes much more sense.

I'm sure many will say I'm way off base, BUT in my opinion, I honestly think the govt does NOT want folks to realize BEFORE getting married what a financial screw job "one" of them (and we know , at the risk of being politically incorrect, that the bulk of the time its guys) will be getting when 50% of marriages go up in flames.

WHY ? I've heard the divorce "industry" generates BILLIONS of dollars in "revenue" for lawyers, judges, govt fees, etc. Given that the bulk of the politicians are lawyers, there is way too much "profit" in divorce for the govt to truly wish to help minimize it. Just think about it, for those of us that are getting financially raped by the "system"; IF you truly knew what you were in for, would you have gotton married ?

If I could find a working Delorean from "back to the future" and go back in time to warn my younger self, I would do it in a heart beat and STAY SINGLE and DO NOT live common law either. However, of course the various lawyers and govt fees would be the poorer for it.

I truly think if people REALLY understood how unfair the Family Law system is in this country that no one in their right mind would ever get married/common law especially given a 50% probability it could happen to you.

People say "I don't want to be old and alone". Well guess what, you're still going to be old and alone if you get married (or at least a 50% likelihood), why not at least keep your hard earned cash lol !

Just my 2 cents; I look forward to the rebuttals I'll get lol....
  #35 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2011, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by shellshocked22 View Post
IF you truly knew what you were in for, would you have gotton married ?
Well, no, I wouldn't have gotten married if I knew what I knew now, but I don't think knowing about divorce laws would've stopped me. It would've been knowing more about the kind of person my husband is/turned out to be. And yes, I'm sure he'd say the same thing about me, but this is what my point is about. I don't think it's about scare tactics. I don't think waving nasty divorce scenarios or financial numbers pertaining to divorce in front of lovebirds looking to get married is the answer, even though it might work. I think processes that force couples to actually think ahead about if they are really sure they know what they are getting into and how they intend to make their marriage work would be more of a benefit.

I get that it was right around the time I started noticing that my husband was a compulsive liar, that I became a crazy bitch. Marriage counselling doesn't work, especially when the other partner refuses to go. As a woman that had it all together and was stable and secure financially PRIOR to marriage, I am the one that is in the worst spot coming out of this marriage as compared to before we met, even though he will now be paying support to me. I don't know of one person that actually knows what their marriage contract said when they signed it. You can't put the pieces of the puzzle back together after marriage, so to me it makes sense to look at prevention.

It certainly makes sense, the points you make about the government realizing the kind of revenue divorce generates. Similarly, I think the downfall of marriage started when the government realized if they allowed women into the workforce they could double tax households. That is when the necessity of the institution of marriage failed to exist. And being the disposable society we have become, we just throw out our marriages as well.

This past weekend my brother got married. My sister asked me why I was being so crabby with regards to the events that led up to it, and I explained that I guess I'm just synical when it comes to marriage now (she separated from her husband also just last year). Her response was, "Let them have their wedding before they have their divorce. We both got to."

I'll admit, I'm undecided on whether I'd get married/live with someone again. There is no better feeling in the world than being in love. I like to believe that someone would make me a believer again, and that I would know better how to approach the relationship to avoid failure, because I do recognize what my faults were in my marriage. It's daunting going through dating and being in a relationship afterwards when everyone is synical and nobody can trust anymore. It makes one wonder how much effort is anyone ever going to put into a relationship/marriage if they figure there is no point in the end?

Children seem to be the one good thing that comes from marriage, and I don't understand why for some people they aren't important enough to fight to keep it together. The government will set up education and health programs for the benefit of children, wouldn't this type of program be just as beneficial to them? And it must save the government on some level. Together, our combined income made us ineligible for any kind of government assistance. We didn't need it. Now after separation, I am eligible for many forms of government assistance that I wasn't previously receiving, so logically it would be cost effective in the end, would it not be?

Gawd. I just used the word "logically" while referring to the government in a divorce forum thread.
  #36 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2011, 03:58 PM
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Hey Forwardfromhere; very sorry to learn of your situation. One more couple to "feed" the divorce industry unfortunately.

I hope your time through this system goes quickly but I have my doubts if anyone gets out of here alive lol; at least financially.

Unfortunately you're correct in being cynical about marriage.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you can't trust anyone, but the divorce laws do their best to seduce the recipient to destroy financially the payor. It takes a lot of willpower for the recipient to resist it and be fair to the other partner.

I have no doubt if couples about to marry were forced to read a clearly explained summary of how they will be destroyed financially in their likely divorce that many (at least the ones who have assets and/or are willing work hard) would walk away from this evil family law system designed to reward govt and lawyers.

The concept that one should look after himself/herself is totally thrown out the window ! Just sit back and sue the person you "professed" to care for at one time. Let's use "hidden" spousal support and call it child support. Don't worry, you can blow the cash however you like, the govt does not really expect you to use it for child support, if they did they would have basic requirements that the child actually receives it.

IF you are insane enough to consider marriage, make sure you only consider it with someone who earns the same as you. IF he/she suffers an impending loss of income, divorce them immediately so you won't be there financial slave forever.

Really, all this romantic crap about marriage is just that. there is NO commitment required, you can get divorced for no reason at all !
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