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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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Old 07-20-2011, 06:40 PM
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Default You can't change your ex - but maybe together we can change the beast.

On behalf my partner, all of the shocking stories I've read here ,and because of the outrage I feel, I have just sent the following letter to EVERY MP in Canada. Should you want to follow suit and submit your own appeal to your MP or MPP I welcome the camaraderie in the movement towards an overhaul in family law.

Good afternoon Sir,

I am writing you this letter as a plea for you to please put on your agenda the many unconstitutional and unjust issues around Family Law in Canada. I have always been a proud Canadian citizen who has traveled the world like an ambassador sharing stories of the wonderful, just, and free country Canada is. Sadly, now after only a small taste of family court in Canada, I am actually ashamed of this nations injustice, inequality, and cruel law system set up to rob families of financial securities, create lasting abuse on to the next generation of children, and most specifically steal from men their very essence of their role - that of a provider.

I am in a partnership with a wonderful man. We like many are a blended family and have had our trials and tribulations to provide stability and love for our combined children. Nothing would have prepared us for the battle and blow out of his ex's vengeance wielding family court as her weapon. I want to point out that the reasons their marriage failed were because she had a year and a half long affair with her best friends husband. But, divorce is a no fault system which means she is cleared of her accountability and free to continue to behave as cruelly as she wishes with no repercussions.

Her quest to ruin this man continued long past the day he packed his bags and left. There was no financial disclosure. No fair equalization of assets. No legal counsel. Just one power hungry woman's kitchen table agreement he was forced sign for fear of losing his children. At this stage I will introduce the children. Two innocent victims caught in her web, like pawns to draw in and quench the never ending thirst for money. My partner loves his children (ages 6.5 and 8). He is a warm and playful man and is very active and involved in their lives. He teaches Sunday school and is not only a fine upstanding citizen but a Canadian veteran who served his time in the military.

Life continued for a while, her dictating, demanding, and denying anything she fancied. The kids suffered. He suffered. We all suffered. Wanting to put an end to the poorly written agreement and get one that protected his kids and himself he requested mediation so they could fix the conflicts and come up with workable solutions for all. DENIED.

He then tried to negotiate on behalf of the kids directly to get a schedule to reflect their best interest. Keep in mind, he was never asking for 50/50 or even 40% he was asking for a week at x mas and long weekends. Just something that everyone could be happy with - a routine. DENIED.

She wanted an additional $300,000 life insurance policy if he wanted to have access to his kids. Understandably concerned by this he said no.

He sought legal help. She threatened him with FRO to garnish his wages and retaliation began. I must note here he has always paid his high full table child support and additional section 7 for which he was never given a receipt. His decline into debt began the day he separated. And yes I fully, agree with you thinking "he should have gone to a lawyer earlier, but he wanted to believe that by some miracle they could be civil. Sadly, he was wrong.

Life became for all of us a constant barrage of emails, texts, threats, accusations, and stress. Everything suffered, most considerably the children. Parent alienation and games of cruelty were played on these two innocents who now suffer from emotional and behavioural problems. She refuses to let them see a child counsellor.

He asked asked for Parent Coordination - Denied!

He has asked for Arbitration - Denied!

He has asked for Parenting Classes post divorce - Denied!

Finally we end up in Case Conference as she decided that now she wanted SOLE custody and further limitations of access plus of course... MORE $$$. Case conference was like being hit with a dirty bomb.

She refused to complete her financial disclosure - ZERO repercussions.

She refused to submit up to date ROE or last pay stub of one of her 2 jobs. - ZERO repercussions

I can imagine if roles were reversed it wouldn't be too pretty a scene for my partner.

And then came the rulings that felt like they were coming down from monkey court. Full table on income plus a grossed up military pension (from before they were married) plus 70% of a daycare cost (with no receipts, no verification of costs, and no proof stating this needed to be payed regardless of whether or not the kids are there) equalling a grand total of $2100 per month. My partner is not a rich man. He is in the highest tax bracket for his income for his union job that has him traveling long distances to contracts (very high transportation costs) and we live in a average semi detached home. He has no other assets and has a substantial debt from the end of his marriage and continual legal fees. This judgement alone has her receiving almost half of his take home pay leaving him unable to provide sufficiently for himself.


I am curious how anyone is supposed to live on that? He literally can no longer afford to go to work. As he can not afford to pay for diesel for his car. Talk about a catch 22. My partner is now forced to look for work locally which will be a cut in pay and then how is he still supposed to honour all his obligations? If he sells the house to take care of the debts as he can no longer afford the debt payments, then where does he live? In a higher rent situation? He needs to be able to provide a home for his children or he will no longer get access. I will add, that since he is under the magic 40% cut off for adjustment in Child support he has to pay twice for everything because after he pays her to take care of the kids needs at her house, he has to provide them with a wardrobe full of clothes, bicycles, activities and food here. She certainly doesn't provide anything in this home for them.

Now lets take a look at her life style. She lives in the large 3 bedroom marital home in a well off area worth between $100,000 and $200,000 more than his. Has 2 jobs, one possibly paid under the table as she is involved now with the boss. Plus has untouched, undisclosed RRSP’s of upwards of $50,000 in low estimation. Takes 5 holidays a year and enjoys a past times of down hill skiing, flying lessons, and Golf.

Standard of livings couldn't be further from a mid point or equalized living.

Now before you say to me he should file for Undue Hardship - Let me tell you the word is he wouldn't have slivers chance of proving this and this would require close to another $100,000 in legal fees. We sadly don't have a money tree in our back garden.


We now are stuck on the conveyor belt that is the beast that is family court and it is slowly eating us alive. We wait as we pay out more money for a private Custody and Access assessment. The kids desperate for more equality in access to their parents and less torture of manipulation. My partner desperate to retain his rights as a father, for which there is no just cost to strip him of. I have spent countless nights documenting his story, researching and learning the laws, talking to other dads caught in the system. The more I learn, the more shocked and ashamed I get. Canada should know better. This is an issue with long reaching consequences.

How is financially ruining our hardworking honest men helping this fine nation?
How is emotional abusing children who are far more likely to become delinquents, addicts, etc that tax community resources as opposed to contributing to society at large helping build our country?



I am begging you please to put these issues on to a TOP PRIORITY pile. The Guidelines need to be scrapped or at the very least reflective of actual net income or proportionate to amount of access time. The onus as well as expense of claims for Sole Custody should fall on the person bringing forth the claim. Why should one pay in attempts to defend what is rightfully theirs - the right to be a parent? The Family Laws need a overhaul because this isn't a family issue any more this is a community and Country issue that not one tax payor will be free from the rippling effects.

Thank you very much for your time,




Note: While I may not be a constituent in your region, I am a citizen of this country and as already mentioned I believe these issues to be of Federal concern. I speak on behalf of all the silent fathers who have been forced in to bankruptcy, made homeless, had their freedoms of owning a license, done jail time, lost access to their children, and even committed suicide across ALL of Canada.

I also speak for the thousand of Children that have been programed with disorders through PAS, now struggling with emotional and behavioural dysfunctions, and suffer abuse at the hands of Family Law that currently reside in your community.

I wish for you to seriously consider the ramifications for the country should these unconstitutional practices be allowed to continue unaddressed.
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Old 07-20-2011, 07:57 PM
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Well done ! I am ending up close to the same situation as your partner and it's my ex-husband who is benefiting beyond understanding and I'm falling short every month supporting him.
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Old 07-20-2011, 08:14 PM
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Yes MayMay, I agree and I'm sorry to hear...I've heard horror stories from both men and women dealing with family court.

Its definitely not related to gender. Women are no better off in family court than men. If you have the wrong lawyer or the wrong judge...you're screwed because the other side won't be held accountable.

The children are the ones who really end up suffering. This isn't a gender issue at all despite the crap I hear on this forum sometimes.
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Old 07-20-2011, 08:21 PM
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Agreed-Sorry-my comment wasn't to imply that only men get the 'worst' of it...but I do have to say their numbers are higher than the women who are 'screwed'.
The system needs a complete overhaul from my short experience with my own situation.
Your partner is a very lucky man. I need a male version of yourself ! ha
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Old 07-20-2011, 09:09 PM
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I think the real issue is that the court doesn't seem to punish people who break the rules.

People that are dishonest or incomplete with financial disclosures, deny access, alienate children, etc.

If there were harsher penalties for anyone not following the rules in family court, they'd take the process a lot more seriously. When you actually benefit from breaking the rules, regardless of gender, why the hell would anything change?

I've been waiting for a proper financial disclosure from my stbx for 7 months now. My lawyer has sent letters back and forth to his attorney which are costing me almost $2k...and I'm curious as to why I have to pay for that? I sent all my documents in as soon as I was asked. I have maintained the household bills to ensure that my children have a home to live in in the future. I have abided by all of the instructions and agreements at the case conference. I continue on a daily basis to communicate politely with him and make sure that I never say anything negative about him in front of my children despite the fact that when he has them he calls me revolting names.

He wants to stall our divorce to keep me away from my new partner and under his thumb..and of course, is enjoying bankrupting me. Despite the fact that I have a vagina...I'm still dealing with the stall tactics, slow moving court system, and crippling costs. Rule breakers, whichever gender, get away with murder.

It makes me laugh to think it cost me about 30 bucks and less than 10 minutes to get married.
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Old 07-20-2011, 09:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I've been waiting for a proper financial disclosure from my stbx for 7 months now. My lawyer has sent letters back and forth to his attorney which are costing me almost $2k...and I'm curious as to why I have to pay for that?
That's what lawyers do. And they will continue to do this until they have squeezed approximately 50% of your total net worth out of you.

Every letter, fax, phonecall, email, etc., means billable hours. At, say $200/hr, and billed 0.2 of an hour for the aforementioned services, they charge you $40 every time they lift a finger in your name.

The letters will continue until you are broke or you say "stop."

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 07-20-2011, 09:58 PM
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Well said, KARMASEEKER. Similar situation myself. In year 7 since the separation and the latest issue is my husband having NOT seen his two daughters since December. They didn't show for their Christmas week. Briefly stated it was abitrarily decided it wasn't in their best interest by his Ex wife. Think were @ about $3000 whilst still awating a court date for my husband to defend the charge of....ahhhh...unable to see his children?...not worthy of being a parent?.....ahhhh...Wife no longer wanted him so children should never see him either?......well, not SURE what he's done wrong but he better get his ass to court again because you can get an access order printed up for a mere few thousand but prepare to spend thousands more to force access when an Ex partner's favourite game is parental alienation tactical squad leader!!

Oh, and all that other financial ruin stuff ~~ AGREED!!
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Old 07-20-2011, 11:53 PM
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Default Sad but True

An overhaul is needed yes, better yet, a system that does not allow lawyers to gauge people at the expense of the children. Mandatory arbitration is a must and although this may piss some people off, yes access should be looked at when a parent is breaking an order. The biggest problem is not the orders themselves, it is getting someone or some process to have consequences if not followed. Maybe most woman fair better, but I am the woman has not. No consequences, no costs ever awarded and yet my ex has NEVER disclosed his income, never filed his income tax, has twice refused to return my children after access and NADA.,,,, Nothing done. Unless I have another 50, ooo for yet another assessment and legal fees, there is not a damn thing I can do.
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Old 07-21-2011, 12:07 AM
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Then I urge you to all tell your stories to the policy makers and breakers too.

Members of Parliament

Legislative Assembly of Ontario | Members (MPPs) | Current MPPs

Find all the email links you need on here. Only squeaky wheels get the grease.
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Old 07-21-2011, 12:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karmaseeker View Post
Then I urge you to all tell your stories to the policy makers and breakers too.

Members of Parliament

Legislative Assembly of Ontario | Members (MPPs) | Current MPPs

Find all the email links you need on here. Get your sisters, brothers, grown children to write. Only squeaky wheels get the grease.
Yes, but who has time when we are bogged down in writing affidavits, tracking all the details of the alienation, filing motion after motion for unpaid child support, asking for help and documenting every detail to the OCL and CAS etc etc Seriously, I was speaking to my lawyers assistant and she said it best, that by the time this system eats you up and chews you out, most are too burnt out to be squeaky wheels, I have been IN COURT for 13 years. I am exhausted, broke both emotionally and financially and there is no justice. Maybe when I retire after paying off all my debt, and my children's university, and their braces and all their needs, when I reach the freedom 95 plan, maybe then I can find time in between the three jobs I hold to actually write a letter.
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