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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2006, 02:51 PM
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A marriage where both parents love each other and are supportive of each other.
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Old 05-17-2006, 03:13 PM
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but that isn't the case or I wouldn't be on this forum. That was my hope for a marriage and it wasn't and therefore not during this time. If I honestly felt and I'm using his past behaviour that things could work without it messing her up - great - but if I do one thing, he has a problem with it, if I reverse positions, he'll have a problem with that and my child suffers the most.
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Old 05-17-2006, 03:18 PM
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My point is that while your relationship with your ex is broken, is it possible to try and address the parenting concerns in the same way that parents would in a functional marriage?

So, for example, in a functional marriage if there is parental conflict - often one parent will offer methods of resolving the conflict. Do this in a way that can be brought up in court now that you are divorced. Offer to see a psychologist to discuss parenting issues. Offer a parenting coordinator if the communication simply isn't there. Offer to mediate the issues - but do it in a way that can be brought up in court.

If your former spouse refuses them all, it will be hard for him to blame you for being the source of conflict.
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Old 05-24-2006, 11:19 AM
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he'll blame me regardless - he's number one no one else - in fact he's stated that he doesn't make the visition schedule via my daughter but then he turns around and does it again - in fact this time writing that I should ask my daughter what she wants in regards to the schedule - it's a mess
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Old 10-12-2006, 07:42 PM
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My ex offered me a substancial lower amount in child support and a bigger cut of the house (for him) or else he would take me court for shared custody so that he wouldn't have to pay any support. He has never been a full time dad, never takes them or calls them consistantly. I have always been the one to do everything for my girls and I think the kids would suffer from being in his care for a week or months at a time. He doesn't do homework or attend meetings, do doctors appointments. He works long hours and mentioned getting a nanny to care for them.. All to avoid child support.
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Old 11-27-2006, 08:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logicalvelocity
With my own first hand experience;

I have a shared 50-50 custody regime in place for a number of years. "Our" child is thriving having BOTH parents equally involved in their life in a meaningful way.LV
Hi LV.
I have a question for you about your custody arrangement. Does your child move back and forth between residences weekly, or do one of you have "primary" residence? And you get "access" often.
My current arrangement (until we sell the custodial home) is to have the kids in the home and my ex and I move in and out each week. I would like to maintain something like that after the home is sold and we both get our own places but can see that this would be difficult for the children, essentially they would not have a home.
Thank you
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Old 11-27-2006, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goingthruit
Hi LV.
I have a question for you about your custody arrangement. Does your child move back and forth between residences weekly, or do one of you have "primary" residence? And you get "access" often.
My current arrangement (until we sell the custodial home) is to have the kids in the home and my ex and I move in and out each week. I would like to maintain something like that after the home is sold and we both get our own places but can see that this would be difficult for the children, essentially they would not have a home.
Thank you
Hi going,

that is a good question you have. Our child spends for the most part a split week schedule between the homes 4/3 days and 3/4 days and travels between the homes. We have a joint custodial regime in place for our child. Either parent can make decisions in regards to the child as we worked out the significant decisions such as school in advance. IE: if wither parent moves away from the school jurisdiction, regardless the child would still go to the same school. If both parent's moved away then we would cross that bridge when it occurred. We agreed to this arrangement as we wanted stability for our child. It is somewhat irrelevant now as our changed schools by default this year due to the grade advancement.

We are and were able to accommodate this regime with success as we live relatively close to one another. Communication is abundant.

As far as primary residence that is a good question also and would depend on the week that our child is spending more time. We look at it as our child has two homes.

Your plan is sometimes referred as "nesting" where the parent's move in and out. Once your matrimonial home is sold, you can still be successful if the children rotate each parent's home as long as both parent's co-operate, communicate and are on the same page. In my own situation, my sons mother and I communicate often so nothing falls through the cracks such as homework assignments etc.

Neither one of us are power struggling for control; it does not matter what parent brings our child to the Dr., Dentist, etc as long as our child gets there.

When my sons mother makes a decision on the fly , she keeps me informed and usually explains the ration behind same.

I guess I can only say that if you want a joint regime to work, both parents have to be child focused and put their differences aside. There are benefits to this arrangement as it is less stress for all.

lv
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 11-27-2006, 03:14 PM
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Default More questions for LV

LV

Thank you for the response, great information.

I would like to maintain the 50:50 but to be honest am nervous of the outcome of passing the children (ages 6 and 7) back and forth on a weekly basis. I think it would work well the same as it does not. My ex has stated that she thinks they would begin to dislike us for doing it to them over time. I think some of what she says comes from her "doctor" who is assisting her with another issue that led us down this path in the first place.
Have you found any behavioural issues with your child? Any backlash as a result of the living arrangements? Is your child of an age that they understand?
Experts claim that kids are resilient, but everyone has their breaking point. I know that given any situation the child/ren will eventually tell the parents when they want to stop and whom they would rather stay with, as long as everything is kept positive and open they will not be afraid to express their emotions.
We have tried to keep everything positive all the way along to ensure that they know that no matter what mommy and daddy love them and will never stop. They will spend lots of time with both of us. We spend every special occassion (birthdays etc) together as a family (for the kids sake). These were things we told them when we separated and as long as we follow through with our promises, all should be ok.
Sorry for the long winded message. In short, my concern is how the kids will fare at the end of day, and if you have seen or know first hand of negative results of child/ren moving back and forth.

Cheers
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 11-27-2006, 04:46 PM
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going,

Quote:
Have you found any behavioural issues with your child? Any backlash as a result of the living arrangements? Is your child of an age that they understand?
With me the regime has been going on for over 6 years. I seem to recall that it took about a month for adjustment, ie: new schedule and lots of communication between mom and dad and our child. I never noticed any behavioral issues and historically never really had any problems.

Quote:
We have tried to keep everything positive all the way along to ensure that they know that no matter what mommy and daddy love them and will never stop. They will spend lots of time with both of us. We spend every special occasion (birthdays etc) together as a family (for the kids sake). These were things we told them when we separated and as long as we follow through with our promises, all should be ok.
I think that is a fantastic idea and I have practiced the same for our child's birthdays and recently grade 8 graduation.

Quote:
Sorry for the long winded message. In short, my concern is how the kids will fare at the end of day, and if you have seen or know first hand of negative results of child/ren moving back and forth.
I can speak of nothing negative about the arrangement that I have. The only thing a few times our son hit both parents up for an allowance at same time - so we communicate on this as well.

One thing we realized that we are not out to compete against one another as parents. If I purchase anything for our child on my own, I will usually advise his mother so that both parents don't go out and buy same.

I believe the pros outweigh the cons in this arrangement, as our child has had the same benefit as intact families - having both parents that desired to be involved in their life.

The cons are would your child be happy only seeing one parent perhaps 4 - days a month.

lv
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 05-12-2007, 10:50 AM
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I believe that shared custody works, how could it be detrimental to the child if both parents are actually looking out for the best interests of the children.
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