Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Political Issues

Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 06-30-2006, 01:51 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

DadofTwoGirls,

<rant>

I hear yah man. I have my child 50% of the time and pay full CS. I am going to court to attempt to lower it. Now, our useless MP's cannot legislate a simple change to the CSG when you have 50-50. And our completely-out-of-touch SCC (thanks Contino!) said everyone, um, please work it out for themselves. I am now going into court like 10,000 people before me to create, yet again, a CS formula for shared parenting. I can't wait to piss away another 5K on this. So I could end up with 100% CS. Full Offset. Offset plus top off. Offset plus 50%. More than the table amount. Have my income imputed. Oh... I can't wait. Bring popcorn.

AND, my ex had decided not work this fall... just as we go to court. Even in divorce I am completely responsible for her and her actions. She works. I pay her. Don't work.. I pay her more (if I am lucky enought to get offset). I could only imagine the lynching party at my door if I decided not to work.

If I had known the cost of 50-50 I would have caught a boat the Bahamas and paid my CS and said screw it all. For the luxury of constant abuse by the ex, I pay 50% of the child's day-to-day (food, bathes, etc), a complete parallel infrastructure, all section 7, and pay for everything twice (clothes, books) and about 300km in milage (gas) since my ex is too lazy to help with pick-ups and drop offs. Even a friggin stuffed animal that the child sleeps with I had to purchase since nothing, NOTHING, is allowed to leave her house. Oh, unless the child sneaks it out.

I have estimated that shared custody costs me almost $1000 per month.

Gee... what a slime ball I am for asking for a break on my support payments.

Could they not use the simple offset formula, have the damn thing on the 'net, plug in some numbers and off yah go. Would that just way too easy.

I need a drink.

</rant>
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 07-11-2006, 04:58 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 88
DadofTwoGirls is on a distinguished road
Default

Well said.

I like watching the ex drive around in her A4 when she made <$10k last year. Well, that's not including all the free money from the Gov't and me.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 07-11-2006, 10:40 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 7
scrapmom is on a distinguished road
Default shared parenting

I am new to all of this and right now my children are with me their dad sees them about twice a week. I feel the comment Sean made about shared parenting not happening in the marriage so why should it happen in the divorce is very accurate for me. One of the reasons my marriage failed is due to the fact that the majority of the responsibility for the children and the house fell to me. Even now when I have tried to set up a reasonable schedule with my ex he wants a schedule for what suits him not the kids. He is very selfish because it can't interfere with his sleep and because he lost his lisence he can't drive and he has been staying with his family. His excuses are difficulty picking them up and no where for them to sleep or that his parents won't him. I have just been accepting what ever he feels he can do. I know he is important to my children and I try to encourage as much interaction as possible as long as it is positive.
I know he would never want shared parenting due to the cost and how difficult it was for him when we were married. Congratulations to all the dads that put the needs of their children over their own.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 07-14-2006, 09:35 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Calgary
Posts: 281
Divorcemanagement has a spectacular aura aboutDivorcemanagement has a spectacular aura about
Default

It's very hard to make shared parenting work in the most ideal of circumstances - it can be done, but it's really hard work. I think that there is a strong argument for breaking down a parenting arrangement to the functions of child-care as opposed to "who gets the kids on what day" and this helps you develop a comprehensive parenting plan. My experience is that in cases where a parent just wants shared parenting for some "equality" reason, when you talk about the functions of child care and put the time share arrangement on the side, it can help the party who wants shared parenting for equality to see that it might not necessarily work for the time being. Cheers...
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 07-14-2006, 10:58 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DadofTwoGirls
Well said.

I like watching the ex drive around in her A4 when she made <$10k last year. Well, that's not including all the free money from the Gov't and me.
My ex just put in an inground swimming pool. The mind boggles.
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 07-14-2006, 11:22 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wellesley, Ontario
Posts: 109
Denisem is on a distinguished road
Default I wanted shared

When I first separated from my ex I asked for shared. When I received the first communication from ex's lawyer it stated my ex was willing to give me sole. I was confused.....so my lawyer sent off a letter asking why sole? My ex called me and explained it would be cheaper for him if I had sole....I was so mad at first and then realized it is a lot cheaper for him now. I wish I told tell my kids his money came before them...I will never tell them that...I could never hurt them that way. I wish they had a father who wanted shared.

Way to go for all the Dads who put the kids before money. I now have child support and he has visits whenever he wants...if the kids will go...sometimes they don't feel like going. He also asks me to send money along with the visits so he can take them places. I do send $20.00 each when they visit him just so they don't have to sit at his place with nothing to do all weekend.
So $60.00 that I send he uses for movies, pizza and video games. The kids know I send the money. They still love their Dad and I am grateful that they do.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 07-14-2006, 11:26 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Divorcemanagement
It's very hard to make shared parenting work in the most ideal of circumstances - it can be done, but it's really hard work. I think that there is a strong argument for breaking down a parenting arrangement to the functions of child-care as opposed to "who gets the kids on what day" and this helps you develop a comprehensive parenting plan. My experience is that in cases where a parent just wants shared parenting for some "equality" reason, when you talk about the functions of child care and put the time share arrangement on the side, it can help the party who wants shared parenting for equality to see that it might not necessarily work for the time being. Cheers...
Shared parenting works when people are amicable. And if you are amicable you probably had a "good" divorce (i.e. no court, and for that matter, no mediation) and most likely not on these groups, forums, lists, etc. And there is a lot more give and take, helping each other.

And legislated shared parenting also works when it is a total divorce from hell. Why? Because it is then black and white. The exact same routines happen as above, except unfiortunately there is no give and take. No helping. The target parent suffers more. And if the parent gives up that right, either willingly or by neglect, that is their responsibility.

If you are out for punishment, revenge and are selfish and greedy (i.e. divorce from hell)... no parenting scheme is going to prevent the destruction of your child(ren) and the parents along with it. IMO, these kinds of people should lose their custody and perhaps their access - but they rarely do.

So, when in the divorce from hell, what would be the incentive to create any routine that is best for the children (i.e your solution of a "function of child-care") when the person is most likely placing their greedy, selfish, punishing and revengeful attitude's first?
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 07-15-2006, 12:09 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 88
DadofTwoGirls is on a distinguished road
Default

DD,

I had a good laugh about the pool.

In my case there has been no court. But I wouldn't say it is "amicable" either. However, it is working on a tenuously functional level. Every time there is disagreement on any issue, volleys of verbal attacks are launched via e-mail. I soak up the volleys and move on. It can get kind of nuts and it stresses me and my girlfriend for a day or two each time. It's a stable period right now - so everyone is happy.

Time to crack a beer!
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 07-17-2006, 12:20 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

mm... beer.

I've been in court for 4 years (and counting). My liver died some time back in Fall 2004.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2006, 12:35 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 88
DadofTwoGirls is on a distinguished road
Default

Decent Dad,

The liver is a 5-lobed organ of happiness for a reason. Mine let's me know it's there as well.

The original question or focus of this thread was about the global merits of shared parenting and forced shared parenting.

In my experience, there are alot of dads who love their kids but don't accept the responsibility of spending time with them to influence their lives in a meaningful way. There are lots of dads ignoring their kids and crying themselves to sleep. Boo hoo.

I chose a different route. Actually, it wasn't much of a choice - it's just the way I am. Losing my kids and becoming a candy floss and fair-ride dad was not acceptable to me. From deep inside me, I needed to be a major part of their lives.

I have that; my kids are with me 50%. I have the job that supports them - and it also takes time to make that money with associated business travel. Every second week is like being a "single Dad". The job is still there with it's responsibilities.

I've lost my normal career progression because of this - all by choice. In my job, I should have moved this summer for progression and development in my company. I chose to stay here for my kids. I have no regrets and they have no idea about this.

I won't achieve the goals I had and the company had for me. But, don't pitty me, it's all for the best reason in the world - to be with my kids and give them the foundations of ethics, morality and empathy that will allow then to reach their full potential in their lives. Hopefully that will mitigate the ongoing damage by the ex whose examples are, by any observer, juvenile and wrong. It might sound like a slam from a bitter x but it's just the way it is.

I don't question the ex's love for the kids but, as a narcissist, her toolbox for parenting contains nothing but adjustable wrenches, an old set of vice grips, and a stripped #2 robertson screwdriver that she uses to open hot chocolate tins.

Anyways, I think I turned this into a rant. My point is that there are so many variables that it's hard to make a sound statement like "shared parenting is always better".

It depends on the complex set of circumstances. I personally don't think anyone should be forced into such a regime. Dads who want it will go to any lenghths for their kids. Dads who don't will go to any lengths to get out of it or manipulate it to their advantage and not their kids.

We need to remember that at the end of the day - it's about the kids. But, as parents, we still have God given rights.

Cheers!
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Interesting Article on Joint Custody Grace Political Issues 23 03-20-2012 10:35 AM
Co-parenting ----post divorce bearall Parenting Issues 14 05-25-2010 11:14 AM
Custody Disputed Decent Dad Political Issues 2 06-26-2006 09:05 AM
new here and looking for some answers flustered_unenlightened Divorce & Family Law 22 06-16-2006 08:42 PM
How to proceed CatvsLion Divorce & Family Law 9 04-25-2006 10:10 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:49 PM.