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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-03-2006, 12:10 PM
BMD BMD is offline
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I find this discussion about support interesting. When I left mt first husband after 21 years of marriage beacuse he was sleeping with other women on almost a daily bases, I received no spousal support because I had recently started working. I had been a stay at home mom until my youngest was 9 years old. I was the sole caregiver because my ex was away trucking and he also did not concider child care a father's resposibility. He quit work as soon as he received notice to pay child support. His life went downhill and eventually he committed suicide.
I have been married to a wonderful man for 10 years. His ex wife worked as a nurse through the marriage and he took care of the children at least half the time. He pays child support based on what he earned at a much higher paying job than he has now. He also has been paying spousal support. Even though he was married less than 10 years, he has been paying support for close to 12 years because his ex quit work as they were separating and claimed she had been totally dependent on him and was sole caregiver of the children. They settled out of court with a mediator because he was told if he went to court he would be worse off. The spousal support was to last for one year but somehow that has been made indeffinite. He is hoping to get out of that sometime but who knows how the court will respond.
I am just writing to let people know that the law can work both ways but both my husband and I have been on the loosing end of it. IT needs to be fair and both spouses need to be responsible for themselves.
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 09-06-2006, 11:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by workingthruit
WOW - I could not disagree more.

As an analogy - I work for an employer (outside my home) - I decide, by my own free will, to leave this job - should my employer continue to pay me? I QUIT. They didn't ask me to leave ... I left of my own free will. So, if I leave my marriage, again, of my own free will, why in the name of all that is just and fair should my spouse be forced to support me??
That's an oversimplified analogy.

Perhaps your employer didn't ask you to leave. Perhaps they made you work in an unsafe environment; or your manager was making advances at you and your HR department didn't respond - or maybe they were giving you crap work to do all the time in hopes that you would quit. In the employment scenario, these equate to passive dismissal. That is your employer didn't fire you, but they made the situation impossible to live in and therefore you had to leave. It's against the law and if proven your employer would pay you a severance.

Marriage is much the same. Just because one person is the "leaver" doesn't mean that person is solely responsible for the breakdown of the marriage.

That said - I do not believe in long term spousal support. I do believe that those who find themselves in need of spousal support should take immediate steps to become self-sufficient. I find it offensive that I work my butt off to support myself and my kids while other women/men cry that they cannot possibly work and raise children at the same time. Being able to stay at home is a nice privilege to have but it is hardly a reality for most of us.
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 10-08-2006, 04:35 AM
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Adultery is wrong no matter how you look at it. Unfortunatly it doesn't matter. After 11 years of marriage & no kids, my ex is going for the house, none of the debts, half my pension (which she is legally entitled to I know), & $1400-1500/mth spousal support. While we both did our part to destroy our marriage, me with a gambling problem(which I'm told could be used against me in court, how fair is that), & her with affairs numerous times. At the end when I was struggling to overcome my gambling addiction, she's telling me I'm a good man, & she sees us together in the future while she's out having an affair. Then has the nerve to say she thought I knew when I found out.

Once she realized she wasn't getting me back, it only took a year & a half to sink in, she hasn't worked a day since, after working all through the marriage.

Sorry for rambling been a bad day & adultery just got me stirred up.

In my opinion Adultery is wrong & has nothing to do with religion & yeah I think it should at the very least should be considered in family law. I got married not an economic partnership when I said my vows.
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 09-24-2008, 11:02 PM
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Jenny,

You sound like you are in favor of adultery, and if so I do not agree with that, sorry.

Yes my ex wife hired childcare while the children were home the first 5 years. She quit her job shortly after meeting me, and never worked since. Yes I stayed at home to care for the children as much as I could, which was causing tension at my office because my boss (who didn’t have kids yet at the time) threatened to revoke my working from home privileges unless I only did company work from 9 to 5 while at home.

It took me 8 years to leave because I was trying to hold my family together for the sake of my children; until everyone including my ex’s shrink said I was not doing my children any favors by staying married.

I didn't do anything to drive my ex wife to have affairs. That is actually a very insulting accusation, Jenny. If a woman wrote in that they were raped, would you reply to her that the assaulter could claim she drove him to it?

Our society has divorce as the moral way to cancel the "married for life" contract, and is the fair way to begin a relationship with another person. Cheating while married not only breaks the "married for life contract", but is immoral and is a sin. I feel very sorry for you if you do not see that adultery is a very hurtful and wrong thing to do.
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