Spousal Support - Why It Matters

[alreadydid3]

This is an actual wall sized oil painting that our daughter did at 14 years of age. She is very talented. She had already been losing a lot of credit at school due to not being able to obtain funds for the gallery showings and events but once her father pulled her funds completely there was nothing else to do but leave school. It had been too late for that term to have OSAP help and we really can't afford another payment but she had even tried to get a loan on her own but the bank told her she had no collateral nor co-signer so they couldn't help.

[hubby]

Holy talent, that's truly amazing!

Hubby

[sasha1]

Alreadydid3, that is a beautiful painting! You're right; your daughter is exceptionally talented!

I thank you for posting your story, and I completely think you are entitled to support! I don't know where you live, but can Maintenance Enforcement or the FRO help you to track your ex and force the support? Sounds like it was court ordered, and you are entitled to and need it.

As for Social Services, I hope they can help you and there is no shame in applying; that's what it's there for. You've helped others when they've needed it, and now you need it. Let them help if they can.

Take care of yourself and let others help, too. You've been very strong to make it through everything you're dealing with, and maybe your story will help those opposed to spousal support to see that it's not so black and white.

[lukas]

I feel that if one spouse has sacrificed a career, or education opportunities, that spouse is entitled to support for a duration long enough to get that person back on track and supporting themselves.

My problem with the system is that I don't feel it is always based on NEED. When i met my ex, she was working part time at a crappy job. During our 2 years of marriage, she acquired a full time decent paying job, got her license, got a car, etc etc. She is quite capable of supporting herself.

BUT, because I make double what she makes, she will probably get spousal support when we divorce. She has threatened to claim that she can no longer go on vacations 3 times/year and therefore, her standard of living is going down. I'm sorry, but I dont feel vacations are a "NEED".

[wilki]

Originally Posted by 2ndpartner

I am a very new person so I am not sure if I can comment here. But I like what the moderator said.

In a long marriage where the wife didn't get or have the chance to work and earn income for herself it's really hard to go out and work and support yourself after.

But the moderator also talks about short marriages I do not understand how those ones work.

I know a woman who is trained in a job that pays well, was only working part time for the last year before her marriage ended and fulltime before that. And now just because her almost exhusband makes a lot more then she does she thinks she should get alimony and not have to work until her kids are grown up (high school) I do not think that is very fair at all. She is young and can work but she just will not. I think women like her make it harder for people who really need or deserve support to get it.

you know that these laws are not applyed to only women. Men are now using these laws that are suppose to protect women in order to gain free money from there spouses based on these laws. CS is necessary and obligation is diffenently there. But a male that hasn't stayed at home worked full time spent the better part of his days sitting in a bar leaving the children home alone while the wife was at work. She was aware of this because the children would call her at work to find out what is was they would be eating for supper. He would come home five minutes before her so it would look as if her were there all night. Confronted he would blame her for working. Now 3years before retiring and no children at home they separate, and the husband retired on a small pension quits his part time job and says he shouldn't have to work anymore because the wife makes enough money that he shouldn't have to work at all. This is not opligation and or descentcy this his just manipulation of our laws to protect mother and child

[tombiosis]

Each claim for SS should be examined on its own merits...but I know one thing; My absolute hardest/worst day at work is way easier to pull off than one day at home with a baby!
Any husband who says a stay at home mom doesn't "work" has never tried staying at home.
It is difficult, stressful, and hard but incredibly rewarding, amazing and wonderful all at the same time! You cannot put a pricetag on the rewards to both parent and child in such a situation...

[sufferer]

I am/was a stay home mom of two very young kids( 4 yrs and 3 yrs).During our relationship if ever I used to mention about my wish to work I had to hear from my ex "stop being money-minded and take care of the kids".Then whenever we used to have an argument I had to hear " you are a BA****D eating for free.Finally before my younger one turned 1 year old I came toknow that he is cheating on me.The lady was a meeting room coordinator who suddenly became sales manager followed by the GM when he quit his job.Now He is bugging me to work and needs proof of the efforts that I am putting in to search a job BUT now I refuse.Now I really want to collect those SS checks till the time I can stretch.Thats my only way of revenge for all the abuses,isolation and cheating that I suffered.

[Mooview]

Am I the only mother who doesn't have her kids or access or any knowledge of their lives...I am 45 years old with a B.A. ...hhahaha... a lot of good it's done me...I was home with my children, 2 for their formative years...both teens now, 19 & 16, girls, ugh!! They hate me, so they're living with the great one...sorry sarcasm is my defence mechanism...married 19 years together 2 1/2 .....separated 2 yrs., haven't seen or spoken to my kids...I tried...it's killing me....no agreement in place and he's paying $600 in SS and I'm paying $425 in CS. I made $21,000 gross and he made $87,000.... this year I've been laid off since October 2009 and my EI is $444 every two weeks....rent is $540 for a bedroom and living area, can't have company, family over(no kitchen no laundry have to go out for that)...I do have a car. So you do the math....he was never home and when he was he was "busy"...lol...Do I deserve SS, hell yes I say....he couldn't have afforded a maid/sex slave/mother/wife/laundress/psychologist/doctor/caretaker of animals and so on and gotten to the position he's now in if I hadn't stayed home (Mr. Executive now) and I'm beneath him don't you know.....lol and he has the house, the kids, the animals and I'm scaping dung off my shoes because I'm in debt up to my eye balls cause I didn't want to hurt my children and as my mother says I'm too nice for my own good. I couldn't do all the nasty things I've heard other women have done or men. Sometimes wish I could, because he's had no problem calling the police and threatening me but as usual no one is around to hear, no proof.

You all have valid points I think....it's a very slimy slope this seperating and divorce crap....I bet none of us thought we'd be in the positions we are in nor did we ever think we'd react to things the way we have. Scary isn't it !!

[jon2525]

I don't object to spousal support for long term marriages/stay at home caregivers. In my case my ex always worked, but earned less than myself. Fair enough. My marriage lasted 11 years. I paid spousal and child (from her first marriage) dutifully. I was laid off from my long term job, and had to sell my home to continue to make the support payments. When my stepdaughter had completed 4 years of university I asked the ex about termination of child support. She refused, and by the time I got her to court I had paid for 5 years university and 2 degrees (Judge said child support should have ended after 4 years, however, I digress). She agreed to end the motion I brought to court by signing a financial release absolving me of all spousal support. When she was laid off she went to school for two years and got a teaching degree. 6 years later she decides to reactivate the spousal support order with the FRO - and claim arears for the past 6 years (a big surprise bill for me, as you can imagine) So, my point is there should be some point of termination of spousal support for medium term marriages where both worked full time, and a financial release should be binding - if she didn't need spousal support for 6 years why would she be entitled to support now, least of all arears as well? Because she could.

[Mess]

jon, she doesn't have anything that would hold up, at least according to your story.

Ideally when she signed the release, you should have had the court order for support changed to relflect that. Hindsight, I know, but if you didn't cross the ts and dot the eyes, the system isn't the one that made the mistake.

Reactivating the FRO without reason after signing the release to end the support is fraudulent. Why aren't you suing her? Is there other information that would give her a stronger case?