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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-03-2016, 09:41 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Welcome to Canada.

Good thing your wife broke away from her subservient role. So you enjoyed many years of having a slave and now you are paying for your wife's independence?
Haha.... yeah, right - a useless facebook posting slave with the IQ of a toe.

It's my freedom I am paying for, not hers. Let's not get confused here, the master doesn't need the slave.
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Old 08-03-2016, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Desperate_Dad View Post
So are you saying your ex doesn't take the children at all? No every other week? nothing? The reality is that at the bare minimum, usually (but not always) the non custodial parent sees the children at least every other week which makes 55% already too high.
My ex doesn't take her at all. Ever. Not since he was successful in achieving 50/50 custody and reduced child support (2012). Two weeks later, he dropped her off and hasn't seen her since. Since then I've received sole custody (he's left the country) and a change in child support. I've even offered the ex a free vacay to see his daughter. But, since I won't pay for his wife, it's a no go.
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Old 08-03-2016, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
almost all my friend's wives are sahm and all my family too - but i come from an ethnic background


Your circle of people, and therefore, your circle of experience is that women stay at home and live off the man. That isn't the experience of every Canadian woman - in fact, I'd estimate that it's a very small percentage of Canadian women these days.

You live in a biased culture, are friends with biased people and low and behold, you have bias. You can't see outside of your own experience to see that it isn't everyone's experience.

I honestly don't know any married women who doesn't work. None. I don't know any single moms who don't work. I don't know any divorced moms who don't work. I don't know any women at all who don't have jobs - except my mom and she's retired from her 40++ year career.

I do know a few married or divorced men who don't work though.

I'm a manager in Construction - small workforce of electricians and millwrights. Of the men that are divorced in this group - every single one of them is in a shared custody situation. Even with the crazy-ass hours of construction - they have their kids 50/50.

I don't see how someone can marry someone without a job and no career prospects, male or female.
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Old 08-03-2016, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
"the state" should not be paying for support when ex spouses can afford to pay.

I think the answer is to a) pay SAH spouse a basic salary with full benefits. That way they can pay into CPP and, b) purchase marriage/divorce insurance.
Neither the "state" NOR the ex should be paying for support when people are perfectly capable of working.
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Old 08-03-2016, 08:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Haha.... yeah, right - a useless facebook posting slave with the IQ of a toe.

It's my freedom I am paying for, not hers. Let's not get confused here, the master doesn't need the slave.
I'm really not understanding how you married a stay at home mom and expected her to come out a self-sufficient person after divorce?

You bought a house next to the tracks and you bitch and complain and blame everyone for the noise the train makes.
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Old 08-03-2016, 08:45 PM
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I'm really not understanding how you married a stay at home mom and expected her to come out a self-sufficient person after divorce?

You bought a house next to the tracks and you bitch and complain and blame everyone for the noise the train makes.
This is a very astute observation.
Perhaps people need to sign some sort of waiver when they marry people who are unemployed to acknowledge this.

I'm sure we'll hear lots of griping about how the SAHM was employed before they were married...She tricked them... her livelong dream was to lasso a man, any man, to marry and support her. The reality is that people get married for many different reasons. Some people don't want to play the dating game anymore and start thinking that 'two can live cheaper than one' or 'I don't want to pay for tail anymore' or 'she made me do it' and so on.

Years ago (before my time) women were accused of becoming nurses simply to meet and marry a doctor. It's the same thing, just a different generation.
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Old 08-03-2016, 09:03 PM
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The day when:

1. It gives you examples of divorcemate calculations on the civil marriage form.
2. By living with somebody for 2 years they do not automatically become your spouse and entitled to anything you worked for.

I'd be satisfied on SS front.

No reasonable normal person without at least second hand experience of divorce in north america could would ever imagine that if you divorce your SAHM ex-wife she still gets to be a SAHM ex-wife for up to the duration of the marriage and gets to take 50% of your take home pay. It's ridiculous and counteor intuitive. Is there anybody here that disagrees?

____________

Practically, speaking I had no problem paying my ex-wife some spousal support.

After I caught her cheating I very quickly terminated the marriage, precisely because the math was for every day I stayed in the shitty marriage with her I pay her expenses for 1.4 days (the day we are together and 40% after the seperation). I terminated it because I read how spousal support worked and did not want to be in that contractual agreeement where my spouse can choose to sit at home (and I can't do a damn thing about it) and I am forced to pay her expenses THEN and AFTER the divorce.

Personally I am actually very happy with the amount of support I paid in the circumstances. It will be 4 years on a 6 year marriage and I know that though she got more than she should have it was because of a math error and at the end it really didn't cost me anything. At the end of the day my ex-wife is getting her last spousal support check in 2 weeks after that I am going my real salary (- a bit for child support) and she is going to blow jobs in the corner. I am going to buy a Porsche and call it alimony.

I lament the other guys really, guys should litigate alimony more. It was only because I refused to give her alimony without a term that I got out of it so "quick".
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Old 08-03-2016, 09:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
This is a very astute observation.
Perhaps people need to sign some sort of waiver when they marry people who are unemployed to acknowledge this.

I'm sure we'll hear lots of griping about how the SAHM was employed before they were married...She tricked them... her livelong dream was to lasso a man, any man, to marry and support her. The reality is that people get married for many different reasons. Some people don't want to play the dating game anymore and start thinking that 'two can live cheaper than one' or 'I don't want to pay for tail anymore' or 'she made me do it' and so on.

Years ago (before my time) women were accused of becoming nurses simply to meet and marry a doctor. It's the same thing, just a different generation.
Accountability. Nobody tricks people into supporting them, people allow it to happen. Some even purposefully encourage spouses to be dependent, like some security blanket of desperate need that will make them cling. Others just enjoy being waited on, not having to grow up and take care of themselves. Some make it part of their family plan.

Families are all different and people choose different things for different reasons. Some of it comes back to bite them in the behind. Like the house by the train tracks.
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Old 08-03-2016, 09:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post

I lament the other guys really, guys should litigate alimony more. It was only because I refused to give her alimony without a term that I got out of it so "quick".

I have no comment on the divorcemate calcs or how it's calculated because it never even crossed my mind to request spousal support. Whether I was entitled to it or not, and not even knowing the numbers involved, I declined.

That's the difference between marrying a self-sufficient woman and one that wants to be a stay at home mom.

You can be encouraging to men without being disparaging to women. It isn't an us vs them issue anymore. Income gaps are closing (slowly) and women are much more likely to be the spousal support payer than they ever have before. Perhaps in your life, your culture the experience is different, I'm not sure. But your wife cheating on you and you having to pay spousal support is absolutely not a valid reason to call women in general whores.

Times are a changin'. I processed an ROE for an employee today. A tradesman taking parental leave because his wife makes more money.
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Old 08-04-2016, 09:45 PM
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I never said women were whores... It is just annoying to pay spousal support to whores (not implying women are whores)...

Self-sufficient or SAHM - it doesn't matter - only the cup size matters and I don't want to pay a penny when the relationship ends. Marriage should be like prostitution except you just pay a monthly fee not a per use fee, not like a bad cell phone plan - high monthly fees, underwhelming service and then when you cancel you have to pay balance anyways



(relax I am kidding)
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