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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 04:12 PM
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I want to be able to own a vehicle. It would be nice to be able to own a house some day again. I like my job. I also love my son, but if I go to war I risk losing it all (probably including him).
While of little consolation at the time, a number of parents experience a boomerang effect: the children who are emotionally controlled, or alienated by, one parent end up coming back to the other parent later in their teens or twenties.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 04:20 PM
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Originally Posted by OrleansLawyer View Post
While of little consolation at the time, a number of parents experience a boomerang effect: the children who are emotionally controlled, or alienated by, one parent end up coming back to the other parent later in their teens or twenties.
Yes. I've seen it happen. That's a great point. And I would still tell her that "she's your mother .. you need to see her and respect her.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 04:26 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Yes. I've seen it happen. That's a great point. And I would still tell her that "she's your mother .. you need to see her and respect her.
I've struggled with that.

My ex had all three kids, and I had a "liberal access" policy. But she had some challenges with my son, and they seems to just butt heads, so in the end she threw him out, knowing I would take him.

I did insist that he maintain a relationship with his mom, but because he is over 18, I told him that as an adult, he had the tools to control what kind of relationship he had with her. Clearly that doesn't work with younger children, and because of their past, it doesn't truly work well for my son, but it should be the goal.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 04:34 PM
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I can't see Taykens post's...but I get the "gist" of peoples comments... It's typical "try to be above it all stuff" while getting kneed in the groin.

Some people just don't get it, no matter how hard it's explained,

Straittohell nailed it with the points. Parents that love there kids will cave on there rights to the child in the hopes "things will be better", but they usually never do get better.

It's also not "how much you pay for justice", although it is a factor, it's ignorance of the system and people lacking the time and skills to deal with it's complexity.

LF32 had better start moving towards casting doubts on his EX's parenting.

When a parent has NO problem involving a child and subjecting a child to "assessments" then there's a red flag. This is not "do and say anything to get rid of DAD".

PARENTS are supposed to think of there child and resolve matters without putting a child in the middle. (tug of war)

LF32 doesn't have to say much on the EX's actions to date, in order to show she's unfit and hostile.....and WILL BE for the next 18 years.

There's terms in Orders that "each party will not disparage the other and put the child first and resolve any disputes without Court"...blah blah blah.

As LF32 knows, see's and hears... the EX and the old goat will never stop "brainwashing" a child

It's tough proving Parental Alienation or Hostile Aggressive Parenting, but it does have to be brought up and factored into any agreement.

There is the "agency" report itself....starting from the allegation....(show's going for the throat instead of a simple phone call to LF32 on a concern)

too the "leading questions" not only from OCL...but prior from the EX trying to put something into a child's head that wasn't there.

Is LF32 taking the "low road" by pointing that out....and maybe just a little hesitant to not settle but go for a Trial for a STRICT ORDER

How about denial of access? or maintaining 3 hours of supervised....would a good parent stick with that? Nope.... only a Hostile parent would...LF32 doesn't have to point this item out very hard either to be on the low road.

Like Strait-to-hell pointed out the EX did LF32 a huge favour by slinging dirt..prior to a Order......LF32 can now see exactly where things where going to go in the future and plan for it.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Strait ..

I respect Tayken. I have zero issues. I get what he/she's saying. Like you I agree that he may not fully comprehend the "wrong's" I've been dealt.

I don't see you all as cheerleaders. I see you as intelligent individuals who may have been through something similar in the past and are offering your thoughts. You don't have pom poms .. you have empathy. You feel for my situation and are trying to help me. And I don't view that as negative.

At the same time Tayken, whether or not I agree on your advice does not matter. I like to see things from a multidimensional, holistic perspective. You help me accomplish this. Thank you.
I haven't been following this thread, but I do think Tayken has raised one very important point, LF - you've put so much of your material out in this very public forum that it could easily come back and bite you some day. What if your ex or her "associates" were to find this site? Nothing is even remotely protected here, no passwords, nothing. It would not be difficult at all to identify your posts and to learn what you're thinking, as well as what you've been saying about her. (Heck, for all you know, I am your ex using a pseudonym!) (no, I am not really your ex, in case you were wondering). If I were you, I would move discussions of strategy to private messages and out of the public eye.

Other members of this forum who succeeded in long and complex cases, like FB_ or WorkingDad, were pretty circumspect about what they posted while everything was going on (until, like WorkingDad, it became part of public record anyway). If I remember right, WD's ex turned up here a few times anyway.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 04:48 PM
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Stripes ..
Havent said anything about ex and the legal strategies have been haphazardly spread out in such a way that it would be very difficult to follow. This has been done on purpose. Good news? Everything's been the TRUTH.
I would even say that these threads may even help my case if admitted.

Also, who's to say Im not LF32's roommate/brother, sister/uncle/etc who knows his situation and is just getting info for him. What if he knows nothing of this site?

It is the internet you know.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 05:01 PM
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no, I am not really your ex, in case you were wondering
That's exactly what his ex would say and bears watching.

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I can't see Taykens post's...but I get the "gist" of peoples comments... It's typical "try to be above it all stuff" while getting kneed in the groin.
The knee in the groin does not make the advice any less useful. It is notable that OP has stated that being "toughened up" now helps him to focus more on his children. Perhaps people becoming offended by comments on the internet is a litmus test to see who is realistic about their emotional reactions?
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Tayken

I've been calm, collected, amicable, child-focused and settlement-focused within my case. Vindictiveness doesn't apply to me here .. sorry.
Have you considered that you may be "divorce obsessed"? You seem to be posting in loops now. With well over hundreds of threads dedicated to your questions / concerns and anxieties one would hope you would find closure. But, you continue to seek assistance and reassurance.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Im not seeking negative advocates. People are expressing opinions. We discuss them. It's a forum. I respect ALL opinions, even if I don't agree with some.
Well, my opinion is that you over analyze your situation. Don't let your anxieties get the worst of you. Be cautious with what advice you take and from whom. That is all I am suggesting.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I do weed the good advice form the bad advice. I've taken yours on a few occasions.
I wouldn't take any advice from anyone on this forum. I would get an idea and clarify your position with a QUALIFIED BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR IN GOOD STANDING. That is all I am saying. There are a lot of bitter opinions on this forum that can get you in a lot of hot water. Very "Canada Court Watch" concerning stuff...

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I haven't seen D3 much so of course Im counter claiming with tests, etc to clear my name.
See, you don't have to "clear your name". Hasn't your lawyer explained the concept of the balance of probabilities and how a judge in a civil court makes a decision. You don't need to double down so hard with your "evidence". In fact, your behaviour is more important than your evidence. (RE: Justice Pazaratz's comment.)

Your behaviour is that of a very anxious person stuck in a difficult situation.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I do have reputable counsel.
Then be sure to rely upon their recommendations and professional opinion and less so on those contributing to your threads. Emotional venting is all good but, avoid the "extreme" position pushed by some on this forum. Especially in your threads.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I have taken a positive position.
Really? Re-reading your original thread and even the title of this thread... It doesn't read that "positive" to me.

Take a more hitchhikers approach... Don't panic and always carry a towel.

The less you try to shape your theory of the case the better it may actually be for you. A simple theory is always a better one to present to a justice on motion or at trial. Your material spans thousands of posts on this site as an example.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I've taken the high road this far.
I don't know if you have as I have not seen your materials filed in your proceedings. If you and your advocates haven't figured it out, I don't believe much (if anything) anyone posts to this forum.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I've put her in a positive light since the beginning in the courtroom/legal doc's, etc (as hard as it was).
What is positive in any of the posts that you have shared here? I truly don't have the time to read everything you and your advocates post on this forum.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I haven't batted an angry eyelash...even in the midst of the beatings and even the new false allegations.
Again, an allegation is just that. Hearsay. Hearsay doesn't weigh that heavy in the balance of probabilities. So, focus less on what others are saying about you in the proceedings and focus on resolution.

Contrary to popular belief by many on this forum... You don't need to respond to all the nonsense that is thrown. A legal strategy of throwing crap and seeing what sticks is quite common. Don't slip in the crap when you try to clean it all up. You can't clean it all up. Some times you just have to stand there, look at it and say... Yup that is crap.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Not sure what you're talking about. But Im not gong to clang swords with you. I'm cognizant of your stance with me.
I have no "stance" with you. I think you are struggling emotionally like many do in these situations and would be better served to seek professional help rather than random "opinions" from a bunch of lunatics. (I include myself in that collection of nutbars.)

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
The ex wants to move to QC and put D3 on school there.
Simply put forward an offer to settle that puts the child in their habitual residential location and look at that crap and say to your lawyer (not to the other side) look at that pile of crap.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
She is attempting to erase me from her life.
Don't you see that as an extreme and negative position to take. The other parent has taken a crap position in the matter and is acting in an ego centric manner but, it doesn't mean that their sole objective is to "earase you from the child's life".

Have you ever considered that the other parent is just getting horribly bad advice? That the other parent may be just as anxious as your are?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Im the only one sending offers Tayken. I AM the one trying to avoid trial. It's not working.
The problem you face is that now the OCL is involved everyone is going to wait for the "report". If your anxieties demonstrated to the OCL investigator like they do on this forum... The report may not be as "positive" as you would have liked.

Your lawyer should have hired you a custody and access coach to work with you 1 on 1 behind the scenes to get through the OCL assessment.

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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Anyhow .. thanks for the case law.
You are welcome. I am of the opinion that your matter is a simple one and similar to the case law I have provided. Hopefully your lawyer can position the appropriate argument and help you select *relevant* evidence to present to resolve this matter in a timely and cost effective manner.

It isn't about "winning" but, *resolving* the issues in a manner that doesn't aggravate the situation more for either parent but most importantly the child in question.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 05:03 PM
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I continue to have a strong regard for the Honourable Justice Pazaratz. He sees through the nonsense tactics of negative advocate solicitors and their high conflict clients. Making a claim in accordance with Rule 24.(3) and 24.(4) ("Violence and abuse") is not something that people should throw around easily.

Good Luck!
Tayken
Agreed!!!!
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2014, 05:03 PM
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You've said quite a bit about your ex - your interpretations of her mental health, the history of your marriage, her medical history, her relationship with her mother, her sex life with you, details about her family, etc. That's just what I recall seeing, and I haven't been following your threads closely. Just be careful with that putting all that stuff out on the internet. When it comes to personal details, especially details about another person, less is always better than more.
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