Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Political Issues

Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 01:02 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 7
plonk is on a distinguished road
Default Probably naive solution...

I have a probably naive suggestion to change the way divorce works. I would be interested in being beaten down.

Essentially, I think there should be strictly enforced mandatory relatively simple prenups for couple that get married, file tax as common law, or have a child. These should deal with the big issues around custody / access and support / asset splitting. You could update it at any time.

You could have a lawyer advise you, but I think the majority of the issues could be set out clearly enough with straightforward options, and would work for most.

This would of course severely hurt the divorce industry that seems to thrive on conflict, but perhaps create some smaller opportunities in counseling before filing.

I feel that this could greatly reduce the majority of conflict and angst, except for cases where a party does not intend to take any responsibility regardless. I read so many stories where children become pawns and suffer because the parents (or one parent) gets caught up in trying to abuse the system, which while trying to be fair, has a a hard time doing so when it is enforcing policy that that most couples have not considered or agreed to in advance, and must negotiate during a very stressful period.

It's brilliant! Probably not.
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 02:06 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 992
representingself is on a distinguished road
Default

You really can't determine a parenting agreement before becoming a parent...
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 02:59 AM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,961
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Everything is relative good until a new girlfriend/boyfriend enters the picture. What two people could have rationally worked out becomes muddled in the bad feeling game. Greed, "he said she said" and all that wonderful stuff comes into play. With that in mind how would your thesis play out?
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 09:14 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 7
plonk is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
You really can't determine a parenting agreement before becoming a parent...
Maybe not exactly to the minute... but generally I think you could from a high enough level that would be useful.

It would give both parties a starting point that (most importantly) they have already agreed to and generally understand.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 09:31 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 7
plonk is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Everything is relative good until a new girlfriend/boyfriend enters the picture. What two people could have rationally worked out becomes muddled in the bad feeling game. Greed, "he said she said" and all that wonderful stuff comes into play. With that in mind how would your thesis play out?
Well, I think it that should be considered in advance as well.

For me, the infedilty was harder to get over than the new relationship, but there is no question in my mind that infidelity is more common than I thought it was. I am not advocating infedilty (I think it is one of the most hurtful and mean types of betrayal), but it happens a lot!

Regardless, I would have felt differently about separation had I known what was expected in advance. There still would have been a lot of hurt/pain, but it would have been easier to have a framework that we had both signed up to generally. The big flaw in the system IMO is that there IS a framework that neither party wants to think about or explore / understand before they need it, and then they are often in a precarious emotional space which can aggravate things. Perfect storm for stupidity / unreasonable actions.

But yeah, I think my proposal would certainly include a component around what should happen if either partner establishes a new serious relationship after separation.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 10:23 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 341
winterwolf7 is on a distinguished road
Default

This option is always available to people but it's generally considered "taboo" to discuss the failure and breakdown of ones marriage while happily and blissfully married as newlyweds.

Additionally, such agreements are breakable in court in many cases, and once the emotions of a relationship breakdown enter the fray it won't matter much what people agreed to beforehand.

I agree with the idea that people entering marriage need to understand the family law act and how it applies to their decisions.

For example, if I had known of the consequences I would never have accepted my former spouse leaving the work force to look after our child until he entered school. At the time it was an easy choice, we were OK financially, she didn't like her job or her boss and wasn't happy, and it would save the cost of daycare. So it made sense for her happiness to stay at home.

Knowing now that allowing that has basically ruined me financially I would never make the same choice again. Any partner would have to be financially able to support themselves.

I once falsely believed that 50/50 was the worst that I could expect. The fact is through manipulation, lies and simply promoting conflict if you're lucky 70/30 is what you get, if not worse.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 11:47 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,474
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default

I wonder what kind of enforcement could be done if you don't sign the agreement when you have a child ... auction at the maternity ward?
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 04:55 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kingston, ON
Posts: 968
ddol1 is on a distinguished road
Default

I believe in the Taboo for sure - I personally would be quite alarmed should my spouse or soon to be spouse was so concerned...... this notwithstanding persons who think in 10's and 100's of millions which would make true sense but in our case we started with nothing (or nearly so) - sorry this is a special thank-you to a very helpful member of this board who has issues with " "!!!

But I am far from being knowledged in all issues that is seperation and divorce but emotions have so much to do with people's final decisions as to what is important to them.... (ie. trade off the house for the pension) and finally my lawyer indicated if it were not for this crazy divorce system, how in the heck could he pay off the pound of flesh his ex still managed to get out of him because........ we guessed it; the expectations of future crazy income and his ex insisting on her "generous" cut!

The issue that I have been trying to figure out for myself, based on the experience of so many here, that why or how to avoid the new set of emotional dismay that can be thrust on an Ex's who otherwise have put the emotional part of the divorce and have moved happily on with thier lives to have it start all over again perhaps even exponentially greater than the first time...... when that new boy/girl friend, new wife/husband comes into the scene.

I will admit we are just starting and long, long before lawyers were brought into the picture, at least in my case, without much choice on my end, either the total void of emotion or the explosion of all that was held in......... Emotion. I do not think I could handle much more of what she is now capable of dishing out...... An agreement? Her lawyer hasn't helped one bit......
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 07-14-2012, 12:15 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: calgary
Posts: 190
pokeman has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by winterwolf7 View Post
I once falsely believed that 50/50 was the worst that I could expect. The fact is through manipulation, lies and simply promoting conflict if you're lucky 70/30 is what you get, if not worse.
yes - the 50/50 is just part of the Sales Brochure we wave to other countries so educated immigation and foreign investment continues, while Canada's 'dirty little secret' is executed in court rooms across the country every day.

interesting topic ...

in the short term i would like to see a high school session held like done with 'drinking and driving' and STD's , show the brutal truth of what might happen to you - like working for 25yrs paying on a home and then have to drive by it every day on the bus with not a dime in your pocket ...

let them have a chance to 'stay single'
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Joint Physical Custody: Smart Solution or Problematic Plan? WorkingDAD Parenting Issues 21 09-17-2012 07:38 AM
Solution for shared parenting vts Political Issues 4 06-22-2010 06:04 PM
What's the solution... Duped Political Issues 3 06-08-2007 11:54 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:48 PM.