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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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Old 08-29-2009, 02:14 AM
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Default New Wives Love to Whine!

I cannot believe how many woman out there who bash their husband/boyfriends ex wives because of child and spousal support obligations. Comments like "2nd families are invisible" really burn my socks!

You damn well knew he had kids and an a previous family when you hooked up/married the guy.

Did you think that you were so special that your love would magically erase his obligations?

You knew how old his kids were when you decided to get pregnant.

Did you believe your new child was more important than his first child?

I can understand that it may not be an optimal financial situation when your hubby has to hand over a large portion of his paycheck to his ex...

If you new children are suffering, the law allows for his obligations to his other children be taken into consideration, so get a Lawyer and file a Motion to Vary.

But like I said, you knew the situation before you got involved. Don't act all shocked and angry now when you can't change it!!

Ohhh, and when he leaves you and your new children for his office assistant, don't you dare demand fairness when he tries to reduce YOUR support, so he can provide for his new wife/child!
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Old 08-29-2009, 10:20 AM
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Ha ha, thanks for the chuckle. ;-)

Actually, there are certain government in the world (such as Australian) who take into consideration all the children that a parent may have (from current and previous relationships) when determining child support, in order to ensure that all children are treated fairly and receive equal financial support from that parent. Unlike Canada, where only the children of separation or divorce are given this right. If ALL children were to be treated fairly, then the parent would need to have a separation agreement or divorce order for all.

Many things in life are unfair. I have no problem with my husband paying child support. But when he is paying more than legally obligated according to guidelines, and when the majority of his paycheque (and a portion of mine) is going to his ex leaving pennies to support himself or any children we may have together, it's not quite right, is it?

This isn't an issue of "second wives loving to whine" but rather and issue of injustice in the system. I invite you to read a report on the effects of child support: http://canadacourtwatch.com/Studies/...TheEffects.pdf

Perhaps it will shine some light.
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:27 AM
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There is NO reason why your Hubby should be paying more than the Guideline amount, plus his share of the section 7 costs.

I do feel for the "second children". It is NOT a perfect situation for them at all....

Like I said, it's the 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife that I have a problem with.

In your situation, you say that your husbands "ex" is draining you dry.

Realizing that, are you gonna rush to get pregnant right now??

And if you do, do you really think that his current son/daughter should have to go with less, because YOU decided to have another child??
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Old 08-31-2009, 05:08 PM
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I am hijacking a thread by the first and second wives to tell you that there is no fairness in family law. I am the ex first husband of my ex first wife. As per law I will always be her husband even after the divorce is final. Children of first marriages are only protected if they live with their mothers. They are wasted just like first husbands if god forbid they live with their fathers. At least that has been the case for my son. Because my ex quit her job after the final separation agreement, I am obligated to maintain her home first before mine where our son also lives. I was told by one judge in a case conference that I should think about selling the matrimonial home if I couldn't afford it after paying the spousal support. I was advised that I was spending too much in terms of his allowance ($1 per day) and toys (less than $1 per day) and perhaps that money could be better used if given to my ex. Also she told me I was buying too much food outside ($20 pizza ever other weekend) and buying too many clothes and accessories for him (<$50 per month). I shouldn't have cable tv nor a cell phone (which is the only emergency contact because my ex is never available). She also criticized my gasoline expense which I only incur for driving to and from work. To console me then, she said she didn't think my ex should have either custody or overnight access which really pleased me and made me forget about everything else. So my ex got the higher support amount but she still went ahead with motions to gain custody and OCL without any recourse to her but cost me several more thousand dollars. I am told that if I apply for child support I won't get a dime because she will use current recession as an excuse for not working and that my application for spousal support termination/reduction will be denied for the same reason. My best bet, as per my lawyer, is to negotiate with my ex. (I don't see why my ex needs to negotiate as there is no incentive for her there)

So yes only a foolish one would be willing to be my second wife now. She would be even more foolish to expect me raise her children when I can't even raise my first "invisible" child of my "first marriage" and from my life long "first wife".
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Old 08-31-2009, 05:31 PM
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Hey singledad....

When I hear stories like yours... I gotta say.. that is FREAKING UNBELIEVEABLE!!

You are telling me that YOU have sole custody of your son, with no CS or access to his mother, while SHE has the matrimonial home, assets, and sooo much Spousal Support that you can't afford to properly provide for your child???

Although I am tempted to call Bullsh*t, only because I myself possess some common sense and decency, I cannot, because I am all too aware at how biased and unjust our Family Law system is here in Canada.

If the tale you tell is true, my heart goes out to you and your son!

While I do understand your sentiment there at the end, I must say that I wasn't referring to the Dads out there who, after divorce, want to meet and love a new woman.
I wouldn't call your second wife foolish!

I do however, stand behind my words! Which unfortunately, were no directed to one in YOUR particular position

If a new lady comes into a divorced mans life, than that's wonderful.

If they have beautiful love babies, then that too is wonderful.

If she then goes on the ATTACK, and goes after the ex wife and her children, then that is just NOT OK.. no matter what!

It's Daddy's job to petition the courts for fair and equal distribution of his funds for ALL of HIS children.

You just don't get to erase your first family because you want a new one!!

Imagine if your ex got re-married, had a new child, and cut your son off then... how do you think you would feel?


Ohhhh, and you should really reconsider the competency of your Lawyer!!
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:39 AM
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The original post is quite illuminating. It seems the poster thinks it's quite OK to slam and belittle 2nd and 3rd wives and distort any posts I have ever read here or otherwise from 2nd wives.

Contrary to this post, I have never met any 2nd wife who wants their husband to stop child support payments. In fact, we respect our husbands for looking after their children. These children are our children's brothers and sisters and we want only the best for them!

We love our husbands kids, spend time with them, go on hoidays and vacations with them and watch as the relationships with their brothers and sisters (the so-called "second" children) develop. In our case the only person who isn't involved and experiencing this bonding is the ex-wife, who has no interest in our children (her children's half-siblings!) and has never once asked about them (other than to say she doesn't care if we and our kids live on the street).

2nd wives are as far from money grubbing and greedy as you can get, otherwise we never would have married a divorced man. Like I said I have never heard one single 2nd wife advocate for no CS. What we don't like are ex-wives who have zero consideration for ALL the children affected by the divorce.

We don't like ex-wives who purposely butt into our lives and try to make them worse by being greedy, lazy and selfish.

My husbands ex wife moved away with the kids accross the country but REFUSED to help pay for flights - cost to our family ON TOP of CS - over 24K in 6years. She QUIT a perfectly good job and made us pay 100% for daycare, and now that the kids are older - braces. She got a free lawyer after us because she "thought" we were hiding money. It was baseless, but cost our family thousands (and years of stress) to prove her allegations were baseless. In the summer, when we fly his kids out, we still pay her child support for those months. Yeah - I KNOW the guidelines say it's for "upkeep of the home" but it is really petty and makes no sense. A decent person would say "don't worry about the CS while the kids are there". She doesn't have to send us any money, we don't care, but at least don't take the CS and go vacationing all summer. As well, anybody who has taken a serious look at the guidelines as they have evolved, knows they have become out of whack, with too many add-ons and no regards to the basic life expenses the payor (and 2nd children).

In our case the amount we pay has doubled since we had kids, due to her lack of responsibility and CHOOSING not to work for 8 years.

So no, we don't want CS to stop, we just want some controls and fairness when other children are involved. When we see our husbands giving the ex-wife 50% of their net income, we just want a little fairness.

We give your kids love, time, attention and money. 2nd wives have no problem with their husbands paying reasonable CS, but when it gets out of control, it's the EX-WIFE who is not even willing to give up one red penny for the sake of ALL the children being affected. So who really is the selfish one?
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
...

Like I said, it's the 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife that I have a problem with.

In your situation, you say that your husbands "ex" is draining you dry.

Realizing that, are you gonna rush to get pregnant right now??

And if you do, do you really think that his current son/daughter should have to go with less, because YOU decided to have another child??
Duh representingself, I have 3 kids, all from my first marriage, and EVERY time I had another child in that marriage, the previous one(s) had to go with less -- so why if I have more children in a subsequent relationship should that be any different and my previous children must not be effected???? You make no sense. Why should my children from my first marriage be treated any differently than my children from my second marriage? Seriously, why?
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Old 09-01-2009, 07:40 AM
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I guess this is like everything else. There are good and bad first/second/third spouses out there. It is the bad ones that seem to stand out more. Just remember not to paint all with the same brush.
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:44 PM
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Hey BillM...

I have read many of your previous posts, I get it..
You a loving, devoted and extraordinary father, who was burned by his evil, money hungry, greedy, lazy, useless succubus of an ex....

But you can't be so obtuse to believe that every father is as perfect and blameless as you are.

Apparently, I am not being CLEAR enough with my words. I didn't even come close to insinuating what you claim I said. Please, go back and re-read my initial post.

"the law allows for his obligations to his other children be taken into consideration" ....
And the children do deserve equity and fairness... I never said that they didn't. DUH BILLM lol

However, you can't deny what I say is true. Maybe not in every single case, but it is the truth.

There are some men out there who completely abandon their children, then go on to have new families and dismiss their first children.

There are some 2nd wives who despise the 1st wife, because she is getting support. Whether it be child or spousal. It takes away from her standard of living.

And these particular 2nd wives KNOW what they are getting into when they begin dating a divorced man....

As a Father of 3.... would you go out and make 3 more babies, knowing damn well that ALL of them will suffer for YOUR decisons???
And I guess you NEVER allow your new wife to bash your 1st wife... do ya Billy???
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
Hey BillM...
I have read many of your previous posts, I get it..
You a loving, devoted and extraordinary father,
Thanks, I try.

Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
who was burned by his evil, money hungry, greedy, lazy, useless succubus of an ex....
Funny thing to say representingself, but in fact she is a loving and devoted mother and works hard to provide for our kids in an independent self respecting way - we don't get along at all, but I respect her for being a great mother and for working hard.

Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
Apparently, I am not being CLEAR enough with my words. I didn't even come close to insinuating what you claim I said.
I QUOTED what you said and made a comment about that quote, so I don't understand what you are talking about here. You said in a previous post:

Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself
And if you did [have more kids in a subsequent relationship], do you really think that your current son/daughter should have to go with less, because YOU decided to have another child??
This quote of yours is what my post was talking about and that is all. And the answer is YES, I do think that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
As a Father of 3.... would you go out and make 3 more babies, knowing damn well that ALL of them will suffer for YOUR decisons???
Yes, if I wanted 3 more babies, or 1, or 2. This was my point. During my first marriage I made more babies which caused the existing ones to 'suffer' because there was less money to go around. If I wanted more kids I would have them according to my means and ability, and not avoid it because I felt I had to financially maintain the exact same status for my children from a previous marriage - why should they be treated different than my other children and not be effected by me having more children? I can have as many babies as I want, being divorced does not change that!

FYI, my baby making days are over, I am not trying to defend having more kids for myself as I don't want anymore, but if I did, I would have less to give to all of my other children as I would treat them all equally and that is the way it should be. So I don't agree with your quoted statement and I don't understand why you do...
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