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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #61 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2017, 10:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soiled View Post
Your really reaching with that one. The usual presumption when someone is speaking of sharing, is splitting equally. Tell two kids to share a cookie, and then split it between them 70/30 and see how that goes over.


Did you read the articles?? They specifically talk about kids faring better in parenting arrangements that "involve" both parents. One of the articles even suggests 35% is enough time to allow kids to foster a meaningful relationship with a parent. They go on to state that as long as there is joint custody and substantial enough time with both parents, kids will be better off than their counterparts with little or no access to one parent. Not one of those articles says it must be equal for optimum well-being of the kids. Correct me if I am wrong but that's not what I read in the above posted articles. In fact, for such a "50/50 denier" such as myself (some people on here would say), the articles made me feel pretty good. My ex sees the kids under 40% but according to these studies, my kids are going to turn out just fine after all.


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  #62 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2017, 10:35 PM
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I did read them yes, and it stated that it used 35% as the minimum time.

I'm not going to waste my time further arguing with you, as your outright determined to use this as a way to justify the lower amount of custody you permit in your own case.
  #63 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2017, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Soiled View Post
I did read them yes, and it stated that it used 35% as the minimum time.

I'm not going to waste my time further arguing with you, as your outright determined to use this as a way to justify the lower amount of custody you permit in your own case.


I'm not here to argue with you either. I just want to provide some balance because this thread turned into "it must be equal for the good of the kids" when that isn't even at all what the originally posted articles are saying. I'm just trying to keep it factual.



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  #64 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:12 AM
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I'm not here to argue with you either. I just want to provide some balance because this thread turned into "it must be equal for the good of the kids"
I'm not sure what you're arguing about?

Just because there is yet more research to add to the already abundant pile of research doesn't make anything we're saying irrelevant.

Again, "read our words". Nobody ever said "It must be equal for the good of the kids". Geez..word twisting much?

We're saying that children fare better when parents have an equal as possible relationship than children who don't. We are also saying that it isn't a one-shoe-fits-all approach and of course there will be some outliers.

Angie .. we all understand that you put your feelings for your ex before your children and come here just to complain. We know that you denied a 50/50 relationship with pages upon pages of posts outlining why he couldn't have an equal relationship (i.e - after what he's doing to me he doesn't deserve it..remember that? eww).

Please tell me what it is written in bold above that you disagree with? I dont get it.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 09-08-2017 at 08:15 AM.
  #65 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 10:22 AM
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The study says 35% of children faired better in an equal relationship with both parents that does not mean the other 65% did not do well. They could have done very well in unequal parental relationship.

Statistics can be presented in many ways. Glass half full or half empty.

It's just another study with generalized statements. Good for the discussion but not necessary a catalyst for extreme change.
  #66 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 10:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
The study says 35% of children faired better in an equal relationship with both parents that does not mean the other 65% did not do well. They could have done very well in unequal parental relationship.



Statistics can be presented in many ways. Glass half full or half empty.



It's just another study with generalized statements. Good for the discussion but not necessary a catalyst for extreme change.


Completely agree with this!
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Last edited by Ange71727; 09-08-2017 at 10:32 AM. Reason: adding on
  #67 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 10:55 AM
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Nope, the article certainly won't change the world. lol

But hopefully it provides more ammo for judges dealing with the access-deniers and abductors against good parents who have been in their kids lives and want to continue be more involved. That's where my frustrations lye the most in the system.
  #68 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 11:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I'm not sure what you're arguing about?

Just because there is yet more research to add to the already abundant pile of research doesn't make anything we're saying irrelevant.

Again, "read our words". Nobody ever said "It must be equal for the good of the kids". Geez..word twisting much?

We're saying that children fare better when parents have an equal as possible relationship than children who don't. We are also saying that it isn't a one-shoe-fits-all approach and of course there will be some outliers.

Angie .. we all understand that you put your feelings for your ex before your children and come here just to complain. We know that you denied a 50/50 relationship with pages upon pages of posts outlining why he couldn't have an equal relationship (i.e - after what he's doing to me he doesn't deserve it..remember that? eww).

Please tell me what it is written in bold above that you disagree with? I dont get it.
It's not that I disagree with you. I just don't understand the flak you give to people who don't have 50/50 arrangements because clearly it is possible for kids to be healthy and well-adjusted when dad is "involved" at 35%, 40% or 45%, etc. So these posted studies are not even really supporting your stance entirely because they actually suggest that kids can indeed flourish when parenting times are unequal. I'm not promoting unequal relationships. I've said a thousand times that if my husband and I split right now, there's no way he wouldn't ask for 50/50 and there's no way I would fight that.

I'm not sure that the collective "we" you speak of would actually agree with you that I denied my ex a 50/50 relationship with his kids. He is free to come request it right now - we are still negotiating and haven't put pen to paper on anything. Currently he is requesting to have his children for 35% time during the school year and 40% time during the summer. This is what my ex WANTS. And according to the studies, this is enough involvement for my kids to lead healthy lives.

Just please stick to the thread topic without getting into the nitty gritty of my case. I think most people, probably even your supporters, are tired of hearing your position on what is transpiring in my case.
  #69 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
It's not that I disagree with you. I just don't understand the flak you give to people who don't have 50/50 arrangements because clearly it is possible for kids to be healthy and well-adjusted when dad is "involved" at 35%, 40% or 45%, etc. So these posted studies are not even really supporting your stance entirely because they actually suggest that kids can indeed flourish when parenting times are unequal. I'm not promoting unequal relationships. I've said a thousand times that if my husband and I split right now, there's no way he wouldn't ask for 50/50 and there's no way I would fight that.

I'm not sure that the collective "we" you speak of would actually agree with you that I denied my ex a 50/50 relationship with his kids. He is free to come request it right now - we are still negotiating and haven't put pen to paper on anything. Currently he is requesting to have his children for 35% time during the school year and 40% time during the summer. This is what my ex WANTS. And according to the studies, this is enough involvement for my kids to lead healthy lives.

Just please stick to the thread topic without getting into the nitty gritty of my case. I think most people, probably even your supporters, are tired of hearing your position on what is transpiring in my case.
I give flak to parents who don't give other loving parents the chance they deserve to be in their children's life equally. Some parents just have this mentality where they honestly believe their ex's are cavemen and have no ability to parent.
Emotions are so high and subjectivity overcome all rationality and objectivity.
Warring ex's are NOT qualified to assess the parenting skills of their ex's. The court system require more mental health professionals for sure.
Quote:
So these posted studies are not even really supporting your stance entirely because they actually suggest that kids can indeed flourish when parenting times are unequal.
If you want I can repost all the caselaw literature, etc that illustrates how shared parenting (50/50) is the best way. I can also refer to Australia's amazing progress where 50/50 is mandatory.

Again. I never said kids couldn't' flourish in unequal relationships...you just keep repeating and rep[eating that stuff...ugh.

Quote:
I'm not sure that the collective "we" you speak of would actually agree with you that I denied my ex a 50/50 relationship with his kids
Ange .. I can repost all of your first thread if you'd like. He asked .. his lawyer asked .. you went on for pages about how you wouldn't give it to him.
You said "NO" flat out. Here, we call that denying a 50/50 relationship. If you said "Sure lets try it out" .. here we call that allowing an equal relationship.

What his decision was later I'm not even discussing. But you DID indeed say no to it. It's in writing on the world wide web for goodness sakes.

If I go to a store and ask for a candy bar .. I hope to god the guy wont say "Naa..you don't really want one" .. then later when I give up he'll say "Geez .. why wouldn't he just take the candy bar". He denied me the candy bar and I left .. that's it.

Quote:
Just please stick to the thread topic without getting into the nitty gritty of my case. I think most people, probably even your supporters, are tired of hearing your position on what is transpiring in my case.
Go though the thread. I wasn't getting in to your case. You barged on here talking about it .. lol. So I figured I'd talk also since you brought it up.
  #70 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 01:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I give flak to parents who don't give other loving parents the chance they deserve to be in their children's life equally. Some parents just have this mentality where they honestly believe their ex's are cavemen and have no ability to parent.
Emotions are so high and subjectivity overcome all rationality and objectivity.
Warring ex's are NOT qualified to assess the parenting skills of their ex's. The court system require more mental health professionals for sure.
If you want I can repost all the caselaw literature, etc that illustrates how shared parenting (50/50) is the best way. I can also refer to Australia's amazing progress where 50/50 is mandatory.

Again. I never said kids couldn't' flourish in unequal relationships...you just keep repeating and rep[eating that stuff...ugh.

Ange .. I can repost all of your first thread if you'd like. He asked .. his lawyer asked .. you went on for pages about how you wouldn't give it to him.
You said "NO" flat out. Here, we call that denying a 50/50 relationship. If you said "Sure lets try it out" .. here we call that allowing an equal relationship.

What his decision was later I'm not even discussing. But you DID indeed say no to it. It's in writing on the world wide web for goodness sakes.

If I go to a store and ask for a candy bar .. I hope to god the guy wont say "Naa..you don't really want one" .. then later when I give up he'll say "Geez .. why wouldn't he just take the candy bar". He denied me the candy bar and I left .. that's it.

Go though the thread. I wasn't getting in to your case. You barged on here talking about it .. lol. So I figured I'd talk also since you brought it up.

I think there is a group of people here who know that this isn't how it went down. Time to hit ignore again LF. I don't think you're ever going to stop talking about your perceived version of my case and I am going to bow out yet again so that people on here don't need to be hammered over the head with it. Have a great day!
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