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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 04-20-2006, 05:00 AM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 39
Springheeled Jack is on a distinguished road
Red face My wife secretly taped an argument

my wife provoked an arguement between us and secretly taped it.
My father had just died, I have been trying to sort out my greiving mum, Dad worked in asbestos and died from inhaling it, when he came home we may have inhaled it as kids tooand to cap it all I was trying to get through a trial perios a work because I was being redeployed. I was in fear of losing my job. Ive now lost my job.

My ex wife to be accused me of having ain incestuous relationship with my mum! Yes, I lost it and said a lot of nasty things back.

I found out about the recording two days later. She even reported me to the police!

They havent been round or seen me and I thought they would. So I think she was lying.

Can she use the recording of our argument in court against me?? As it was done with out my knowledge surely it is inadmissable?

springheeled Jack
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 04-20-2006, 09:44 AM
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 34
sherif28 is on a distinguished road

Sorry to hear about your losses,

This is legal as long as one party in the conversation is aware of it being taped and it is amissable in court. Sorry , probably not what you wanted to hear.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 04-20-2006, 01:44 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 225
Jenny is on a distinguished road

It seems weird that she would start a fight with these accusations in the recorded conversation. I always thought that the purpose of recording the calls would be to show what a nice and wonderful person you the person recording the call are and what a jerk the other person was.

I often wondered if it was that useful in situations because as the person recording the call and aware there was a record of it wouldn't it be kind of just showing one side of the story. Who knows what you are saying when you aren't recording and then just recording the aftermath.

Anyway it is legal as long as one person is aware of the recording. Did you threaten her? is that why the police are involved( as uttering threats is a crime)
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 04-20-2006, 05:04 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point

I haven't googled on this, but there must be something in the CCoC or Law about entrapment or abetting.

I agree with Sherif28, usually you are trying to show what a reasonable person you are and what a unreasonable person the other person is, or some other damaging evidence. I can't imagine provoking someone into an agreument would hold much water. I am not an lawyer. Perhaps Jeff can answer this... although this might be against the rules.

This might be my cynical side talking, but you might want to watch out that you are not being set up for a restraining order or something.

BTW, are you two divorcing? If so, it doesn't sound like this is getting off on the right note. Get ready for years of (legal) hell.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 04-20-2006, 05:32 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 203
jlalex is on a distinguished road

Just a thought here..but turn about is fair play as they say..why not record your own conversation with her admitting that she set you up..she seems pretty free with the information...

It may seem petty but if you did do this it pretty much cancels out whatever you said on the tape since it was provoked..and she admitted to provoking you.

Good luck
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 04-20-2006, 06:16 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 860
Grace has a spectacular aura aboutGrace has a spectacular aura about

Springheeled Jack,

This is an Ontario Canada based site. And the majority of members are posting based on their experience with Canadian law. I believe from one of your earlier posts you stated that you are from the UK. You should definitely seek advise from a British lawyer, or perhaps check out Family Law sites in the UK.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2006, 05:01 AM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 39
Springheeled Jack is on a distinguished road

Thanks Grace I will.

As to threatening her, no I didnt. When she said that I had an incestuous relationship with my mum, I got annoyed, she had lost my dad and wasnt coping so I was being a good son.

My Ex wife to be threatened to force me to sell the house. So in frustration as I could beleive the filth that was coming out of her mouth I shot back "Well, if you want to strip the house of all the contents, go right a head, Ill start again. If you go near a brick of this house, Ill torch the house, or make it unsaleable so you wont get a penny"

A stupid thing to say, but it was said in the heat of the momment, I wonts be so stupid as to do anything like that. When I cooled off I apologised for my out burst. In a second conversation, (which I wish I had a tape) She said that she had given a copy of the tape to the kids drugdealing, drug using father, and two of her brothers. For "insurance".

She has been telling her family that she is scared of me. However she is still living in the house for two or three nights. The rest of the time she stays with her mother. Well if she was so scared why been in the house at all?

Ive been logging when she stays in the house.

I get up early and Im out of the house by 545am, and I come back late to avoid them. When my wife is in the house with the kids I go straight to the bedroom.

I give no cause for any alarm. I wish I could take those words I said back, but being told that I had an incestuous relationship with my 68 year old greving mum just because I was being a good son by helping her with her greeif at loosing Dad? That was a disgusting thing of her to say. So I shot back with what I said. I hind side I should have just walked off into a nother room and said nothing.
I know that this is a Canadian based web sight but I was hoping for an inkling, or an idea or what to expect.
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2006, 09:53 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Calgary
Posts: 281
Divorcemanagement has a spectacular aura aboutDivorcemanagement has a spectacular aura about
Default ahhh tape tape and more tape

The whole issue of tape recording telephone calls is troubling because, in my view, it represents how a person's entire life has been poisoned by the divorce or divorce related conflict. My experience is that a lot of judges aren't terribly keen on tape recorded evidence and I have actually seen a couple of judges roll their eyes and shake their heads when one litigant wants to introduce it as evidence as well.

Courts like paper - paper, paper, paper and more paper. A judge can touch, feel, smell and read the information in front of him or her. Facts on paper don't lie (mind you Affidavits are often a work of immense fiction).

If your former spouse is taping a call, end the discussion - follow it up with a letter offering to address their concerns in family mediation. Look at it this way, if the darned issue was so important that they felt a need to tape record a call, why then wouldn't they want to consider a solution you have offered to their concern.

In short, they don't care to look at your solutions - they want to get the dirt on you. Fine... let them try. You be the judge: what is more credible - 10 letters offering solutions or a scratchy and garbled tape recording? Which person is more credible - the one offering the solutions or the one who is fixated on getting the dirt - you choose!
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2006, 10:36 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 225
Jenny is on a distinguished road

what you said was wrong( which you know) and would be considered in Canada to be uttering threats - "to burn, destroy or damage real or personal property" and that would be why she would have brought the police in. I actually don't think giving the tape tape to a third party wouldn't be that unreasonable. Having proof that someone threatened to burn the house down before giving me what I was entitled to would be a good thing in my mind should you follow through.
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2006, 11:17 AM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 39
Springheeled Jack is on a distinguished road

It weas stupid thing to say, and I have no intention of EVER carrying it thorugh. I want to keep the house. To which the law will say other wise.
I reckon the 50 50 split will be about £20 000 each give or take.

However being told that I was having an “incestuous” relationship with my 68 year old mum who is greiving very badly at eh death of my Dad, was disgusting.
I was being provoked, I wish I had walked off into a nother room, I wish I had said nothing. At one point she followed me!!! So after hearing what I heard I bit back. Okay it was stupid, I know that. Yes I said what I did but it wqas only after being provoked.
She is telling her family she is scared of me, so what is she spending time in the house, I mean no woman worth her salt would be any where near the house.
When they are they I avoid her like the plague. I go to my bedroom and shut the door. 4 nights ago she opens my bedroom door and tells me the marriage is over, she is sorry I losing my job etc etc then gives me a piece of her sons birthday cake!!
Yesterday she asks me to fix her computer? Not exactly the actions of a woman fearing for her life are they.
She and the kids spend 2 to 3 days at the house before staying with her mother. I know where she lives but Im not so stupid as to go and visit her. She wants me to visit her on Tuesday so I can a. fix her PC and then b. Talk in front of her mother.
Im in two minds to go as I don’t knoow if I am again being “set up” or that the conversation is being taped. I told her that I will come but if I see a tape recorder, or her brother or the kid bio father are with her, Im walking in the oppostie direction. She did say that her drig dealing exboyfriend and her brother would "sort me out", is that a threat?
Ive kept my own counsel, keep my self to myself. Ive not approached her in the house, I let her approach me.
If she is so scared why is she anywhere near the house?

However, is there any way I can protect my self when she is in the house apart from what I am doing already ie leave the house early and come back late to avoid them, go straight to the bedroom etc

She left a scrawled note on my bed ordering me to stay of her way and she will stay out of mine!

Ill be so glad when she leaves. The packing boxes that are there cant be filled quick enough.
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