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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I have to say I pity the child who is caught up in this war. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be at one parent's place just so a parent can reach the 40% mark so a parent doesn't have to pay as much CS.

My daughter would tell you that it's hell.

If she knew about it, she would also confirm that it was about a reduction in CS and not about wanting time with his daughter, because he clearly didn't really want time with her as he only stuck to the agreement for a couple of weeks before dumping her altogether.
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:22 AM
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50% default sounds good on the surface if you have two parents who genuinely want to parent their children.

What happens if I have a child and my partner up and leaves the country? By default he would have joint custody of a child he never intends to see?

Excellent question and my exact spot. Solutions??
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by FightingForFamily View Post
Agreed, it's also fairly disgusting how many justices order 35%-39% parenting time just to guarantee maximum pain to the payor.

Or how many parents spend thousands on legal fees to get 41% access time so their child support goes down.
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:28 AM
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So your ex is off making big money, drags you through court to get 50-50, then doesn't see his child?

Maybe there should be a "default" where if an absentee parent doesn't exercise access the 50-50 is automatically nullified?
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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:36 AM
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So your ex is off making big money, drags you through court to get 50-50, then doesn't see his child?

Maybe there should be a "default" where if an absentee parent doesn't exercise access the 50-50 is automatically nullified?

Pretty much it. Not only that, but he agrees to all sorts of financial obligations that he has no intention of adhering to. I know that when he agrees and signs the dotted line.

We were together 7 years and have been apart for over 7, so I know exactly who and what he is.

The unlimited bucket of money supplied to dad by his parents forces mom's hand to settle on something that mom knows full well won't ever be realized. Leaving mom to the mercy of dad, again.

Then within a few weeks of the agreement he decides he doesn't want to see the child, 2 years later, he leaves the country - sneakily - to avoid being served.

But, I'm a Malicious Mother because I expect an agreement to be honoured and adhered to and I expect a father to act in the best interests of his children, not the best interests of his new wife. I also expect the new wife to keep her freaking nose out of my business, and encourage her husband to behave in a way that she would appreciate if he were her ex. But, nope, that won't happen any time soon.
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:40 AM
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So your ex is off making big money, drags you through court to get 50-50, then doesn't see his child?

Maybe there should be a "default" where if an absentee parent doesn't exercise access the 50-50 is automatically nullified?

If we could bring contempt motions for not using access - then that would be a remedy. But, apparently you can't force a parent to be a parent even if they already agreed to be a parent.

If we could bring contempt motions for not honouring the financial aspects of the agreements, that might be a remedy. But, I believe that can't be done either.

So, from a legal point of view, I could do NOTHING until he moved out of the country and established a definitive material change. Doesn't stop him from appearing - by phone - to contest my quest for sole custody.
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:42 AM
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The court system's are not gender bias. The reason the things are the way they are is because of historic household roles not court bias.

Again a system that encourages fighting is the problem. The system needs to be fixed but not because of gender bias. It's because it is significantly out of date with current roles and current economic realities. There is almost no reason that 50/50 shouldn't be ordered in MOST cases. I agree abuse and other problems are issues but most of the cases can be solves quickly without fighting using common sense. A system that demands 50/50 as a starting point would be a good place to start.

People also have to take responsibility for where they are in their lives. Decisions they have made and the affects that it has on them, their children and their finances.
Okay, so lets assume we use a 50/50 starting point. Now given all the different dynamics there are, of course, there are going to be different outcomes. That is expected and perfectly acceptable.

What is not acceptable is the behaviour afterwards of both genders! Nor is it acceptable that we have a system that not only supports the bad behaviour but often encourages it.

How do we fix this? God only knows!

Maybe we need a system with no lawyers, no judges, just a mediator who sits down the parties either together if they can face each other or in separate rooms. You have 5 sessions. Sort it out or have a standard agreement which has 50/50 custody, both incomes added up and split 50/50 and a ban on having anymore children or relationships for 5 years. And once an agreement has either been agreed or imposed you cannot change it for 5 years and immediate criminal charges for anyone who does not abide 100% by the terms of the agreement. Because it is criminal for any parent to use a child as a pawn in their personal hate agenda for an ex partner.

I doubt that the above would work though. We have fundamental freedoms and rights to screw up our own, and everyone involved with us, lives and we would need a complete support system funded and managed by the government which of course will never happen. Children don't vote.

So we need to take tiny steps to fix some problems and hope we can move forward to a better system. Maybe we all need to take a step back and look at our own situations and see how we could do better and hope our move towards a better relationship with ex's will pay foreword. Maybe we can kill our Ex's with kindness,!!!

Last edited by Beachnana; 02-21-2014 at 11:51 AM. Reason: Missed the word kill lol
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:49 AM
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Ship all the parents off to an isolated location - no one leaves until issues are resolved. You have one crack at it so if you don't bring your financials tough luck. Kids are off having fun in a camp somewhere.
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:55 AM
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Ship all the parents off to an isolated location - no one leaves until issues are resolved. You have one crack at it so if you don't bring your financials tough luck. Kids are off having fun in a camp somewhere.
Ha Ha. Reminds me of a sign I saw outside a "posh" English Pub. " parents of children found to be disruptive will be asked to take their children outside" someone had added " where the useless parents will be shot and the children given away to more deserving people"

We are all our own worst enemies for sure!
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:56 AM
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This is the whole point, it's way more complicated than a simple set of standards will ever be able to handle.

The best interests of the children allows for that.

Again the problem is the ability to fight for money. The default should be 50/50 with set-off CS. It's then up to the parents to step up and make sure they do what they have to do to maintain it. Lets face it people are going to fight, no law is going to stop that. The problem is it's setup backwards. The onus is currently on a parent to prove 50/50 is in their best interest. It should be the burden to prove that it's not in the best interest.

Again the current system is setup that when a parent moves out he/she loses rights. Having two parents in a fight living in the same house is NOT in the best interest of the children. You should have 50/50 until it can be proven otherwise.

In cases where one parent moves current laws should apply in regard to access/custody. If a parent really wants to be an equal the actions will speak for themselves. Deadbeat parents aren't going to change... Again there is no law to fix these people because they just don't care.
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