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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2006, 10:23 PM
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OJ did kill his wife, we all know that to be true, he got off cause he's a celebrity. Murderers aren't good parents or role models no matter what and you have serious problems if you think otherwise.

I didn't influence my child in either direction. She's met this man twice in her life before this all came to pass and has no interest in the man. He is a stranger, it's that simple. There's nothing else to it. It's not right.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2006, 11:25 PM
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Frankly, I can't imagine a child being raised by a parent that murdered the other parent and then have a meaningful relationship with that parent. God bless OJ's children. Too bad someone didnt step up to the plate to protect them from this. It sickens me. How the laws allow this is beyond me. Gives new meaning to "the best interest of the children". Who truly is watching out for them??? Not the "system" obviously.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2006, 11:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace
How the laws allow this is beyond me. Gives new meaning to "the best interest of the children". Who truly is watching out for them??? Not the "system" obviously.

THAT is exactly my point. Thank you.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2006, 08:24 AM
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Default The System

Everyone is quick to point the finger of blame at "the system" without having a feasible alternative system to offer up. With this in mind, here are some inescapable facts about divorce, custody battles, and "the system".

1) The system is imperfect because it was set up by people and the last time I looked, people were also imperfect.

2) Divorce can make you nuts, custody battles can make you nuts to the power of a jillion.

3) It is easier to find fault with what a former spouse is doing and much harder to examine your own role in the conflict.

4) When the kids don't want to see the other parent (or any other objection that you might come up with relating to the children - take your pick) unless there is some risk factor associated with their contact with the other parent that you can actually prove... you need to ask yourself, "what would I do if the kids didn't want to see me"?

5) You need to approach a custody dispute in the same manner that you would in a functional marriage - in other words, rather than advocate NOT to fix something, work on fixing it. If the children didn't want to spend time with you, you would want to fix it - right?

6) It may not be fixable, but if it's not, there is still value in making the attempt to repair the conflict rather than actively engaging in it.

7) Sometimes you have to raise children with an idiot.

8) Sometimes married people never get divorced and they still have to raise children with an idiot.

9) If you are not "working the problem" then you are part of the problem.

10) Court is the LAST place you should be looking for resolution to your dispute because nobody ever gets 100% of what they want when they go to court.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2006, 12:50 PM
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Well said Divorcemanagement!
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 04-24-2006, 06:35 AM
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Default Divorce Can Make You Nuts

Thanks

There's law and there's life - that's a motto we teach our clients in our divorce education workshops. The law is blunt instrument - akin to splitting a human hair with an axe - you ain't gonna find a perfect solution when the two people mired in a custody battle (or any divorce related conflict) are less than perfect.

Nobody in a dispute comes to the table with clean hands in spite of how individuals feel about their particular conflict. We bring our own demons to a conflict, we would rather cut the problem out - like a cancer, than work the problem. But what if both parties are a source of conflict? How does one determine who is right and who is wrong - and to what end?

Quite frankly, we talk a good talk about "the best interests of the children". Everyone assumes they are right because of their experience during divorce as opposed to simply viewing the divorce conflict through the eyes of their own children.

Rebuilding is hard work. Parenting children in a functional marriage is hard work that takes huge sacrifices... when divorce happens, the only thing that has changed is the structure of the family - the same hard work remains - only the dynamics of the parents relationship with each other has changed.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 04-24-2006, 05:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Divorcemanagement
5) You need to approach a custody dispute in the same manner that you would in a functional marriage - in other words, rather than advocate NOT to fix something, work on fixing it. If the children didn't want to spend time with you, you would want to fix it - right?

7) Sometimes you have to raise children with an idiot.

9) If you are not "working the problem" then you are part of the problem.

10) Court is the LAST place you should be looking for resolution to your dispute because nobody ever gets 100% of what they want when they go to court.
Ok, alot of what you said is just ridiculous but i want to adress these things.

If my child did not want to see me i'd examine why this was so. And if i though about it and realized that i'm a worthless member of society and i never spent any time with my children or wanted my children then i'd step down, or better myself.

You DO NOT under and circumstances have to raise your child with an idiot. I don't even know how you could say that and look at yourself in the morning. The rest of society is idiotic enough that exposing them to one on purpose is just wrong. That makes about as much sence as teaching your child to bike ride on a major highway with no training wheels.

I am "working on the problem" and part of the problem, cause frankly the whole word is part of the problem.

I don't expect to get 100% of what i want. I expect what's honestly right for my child. And i didn't start the court route. Thanks fo ryour wisdom.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 04-24-2006, 05:28 PM
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Quote:
Ok, alot of what you said is just ridiculous but i want to adress these things.

If my child did not want to see me i'd examine why this was so. And if i though about it and realized that i'm a worthless member of society and i never spent any time with my children or wanted my children then i'd step down, or better myself.
I'm sorry that you feel what I posted is ridiculous, but what is your alternative - continue going to court or working the problem? If you view that your former spouse is a worthless member of society, that's your opinion - you're entitled to it.

Quote:
You DO NOT under and circumstances have to raise your child with an idiot. I don't even know how you could say that and look at yourself in the morning. The rest of society is idiotic enough that exposing them to one on purpose is just wrong. That makes about as much sence as teaching your child to bike ride on a major highway with no training wheels.
Well, yeah you do. That's the thing about kids - they have a right to be raised by both their parents, even if one (or both) are complete idiots. Again, emphasis has to be placed on working the problem as opposed to becoming part of the problem. Your logic would seem to suggest that if one parent doesn't agree with the parenting style of the other parent, then that parent should access the courts to reduce the child's time with the other parent. (I could be wrong, but that's my interpretation of what you are presenting.)

Working the problem is infinitely more sensible that engaging in the conflict. The reason for this is because if you withdraw from the conflict and work the problem, that's one less conflicted parent that the child has to be exposed to

Quote:
I am "working on the problem" and part of the problem, cause frankly the whole word is part of the problem.
Engaging in conflict for 18 years is kind of crappy - wouldn't you agree?

Quote:
I don't expect to get 100% of what i want. I expect what's honestly right for my child. And i didn't start the court route.
What is the middle ground? What is slightly less that what you would like to have happen if you were going to court? Can you live with slightly less that what you might expect should you go to court... that was my point.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 04-24-2006, 06:48 PM
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You choose to have a child with this "idiot" and yeah you will have to raise it with this person.

There are a lot of idiots in the world and lots of them are parents. They have the right to the child unless they are a threat to the child.

So what are you going to do if the courts say as they most likely will - is that the father has a right to access are you going to ignore it? run away and hide? Or do you plan on raising your child with his bio father?
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 04-24-2006, 08:30 PM
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w/ohope, are we talking "idiot' parenting or "child abuse". You can't stop an idiot from being a parent but if you suspect yours or any other child is being abused by a parent then there are laws in the "system" to protect them as well as agencies such as CAS and the Office of the Children's Lawyer. The access centre's are full of abusive parents having their access supervised and the courts can if the allegation are substantiated issue a "no contact" order, if they feel the child's best interest are not being served.
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