Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Political Issues

Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #21 (permalink)  
Old 02-05-2016, 02:15 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 228
PeacefulMoments is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soiled View Post
In my own experience, when people find out my custody situation (50%, week on week off with the kids) the majority of the time, man or woman, their response is "Oh thats so nice of your ex-wife to allow that!". Its absolutely maddening to confront that attitude, as I had to fight tooth and nail for months before she gave up her plans of getting full custody and moving clear across the country with our kids. In comparison to many of the stories here, my situation was 'easy'.
When my D agreed to 50/50, responses were like " oh, well, I guess if she doesn't really want to be a full time mom that's ok" and that sort of thing. The bias is there for sure and I think maybe some women feel like they will be looked down on if they don't have majority custody.
Reply With Quote
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 02-05-2016, 02:22 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
Hopefully you include a section on the importance of not abusing your spouse... in front of your kid... on tape.
I guess you missed it. I'll catch you up. Tapes were edited, analyzed and laughed at. Then my ex admitted that there was no abuse....after she was told that if she didn't settle Id most likely achieve sole. We all caught up? Awesome!
(I had to deal with false accusations for so long. The most traumatic thing a parent can go through. All found false, Im moving on, allegations thrown out ... and I STILL have abusive personalities here slinging accusations. Boggles my mind.

Was your ex and child okay after the abuse they endured from you? That's what your ex reported right? Am I to conclude it's true just because she said?

Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
I urge you to keep talking. It's quite amusing, especially to anyone whose been through it.
I know .. The most painful times of my entire life has made you and your sidekick S&T happy and amused. (Kind of scary actually). Guess everybody has to get their kicks somehow.

Just focus on positive things and practice concentrating on other's strengths .. not their weaknesses. Things will get better for you ONDaddy .. I promise.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-05-2016 at 02:25 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 02-05-2016, 02:39 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Not about genders .. its about information

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soiled View Post
While public perception on it is changing, if extremely slowly, the reality is, when faced with the prospect of divorce, spousal support, child support, and child custody, men believe,they have an uphill battle when it comes to these things, and that they don't have much of a chance. Resulting in many not even trying to fight it, though that is just a personal observation.
Pretty much nailed it. We have prescribed gender roles from birth and many gender rules til this day are archaic and primitive.

One example .. I now get 50% of all child tax benefits, etc. I called CRA and spoke with a nice lady. I was surprised to learn that if I had a common law partner that she's AUTOMATICALLY considered the nurturer of the kids and home and my check CANNOT go to me ... has to be deposited in to her account, when D4 is not even her daughter and I cover all expenses for her etc. This is just one example. Even the lady on the phone said the laws need to change.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soiled View Post
If men weren't convinced that they were going to lose, or get less than they should/deserve, before the process even begins, then I believe there would be a lot less kids growing up seeing their fathers a few days a month.
Correct .. and we do feel beaten down, financially drained, etc. Especially if we're up against a team of Legal Aid, counselors, etc. and working a FT job. Men need to be rid of the perception that we won't gain any custodial ground because we're male.
Quote:
I don't personally believe that many women need to be shown they can get at least a fair outcome from the divorce system, but not showing a female perspective risks your message getting derailed by 'gender wars' which is exactly what's happening here.
I agree. I don't see any protests by males on threads like "How to get help for domestic violence for women". And why would we?

I've noticed that the same posters that scream "Conspiracy" are the ones that start it. I can say that I'm unhappy about not having a say for shelter counseling and 3 or 4 posters will translate that in to I hate all women's shelters and they should be shut down.

This shouldn't be a gender war. I think it's because Links has a cut throat way of speaking .. and he's got a few other threads about guys like Ganesh (or whatever his name is) who may or may not have abused women.

In the end .. a documentary to help fathers would be no less beneficial than a documentary for women on how to escape domestic violence and build a case to prove it.

This is not a gender thing IMO .. but a service that could actually help some ppl out.
Reply With Quote
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 02-05-2016, 02:45 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PeacefulMoments View Post
When my D agreed to 50/50, responses were like " oh, well, I guess if she doesn't really want to be a full time mom that's ok" and that sort of thing. The bias is there for sure and I think maybe some women feel like they will be looked down on if they don't have majority custody.
SMART post!!!

PM has a great point here. (Grandma rocks!!)

Again with the prescribed gender roles. Do females feel like less of a mother/parent when they give up 50% of their time and custody? Even if they do .. can we blame them? I don't think we can. Mother's carry the kids in their belly, breastfeed and historically have been the primary everything for the kids.

I think both genders are struggling with the new social construct of parenting after divorce/separation. It's tough times for both genders for sure! Good post PM.
Reply With Quote
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 02-05-2016, 03:17 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,842
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

There are many issues for women as well. When I started on my divorce journey I encountered some pretty ridiculous situations. My ex and I were equal partners in an incorporated business (trucking - large semis). My ex, upon his declaring personal bankruptcy, was no longer legally eligible to be a director in any incorporated company including ours. (This is part of the Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act). To my absolute horror and despair I was unable to dispose of equipment and pay company debt even though I was the last remaining director (President) of the company. I had to wait 6 months before a judge made an Order. Even with that Order I encountered plenty of difficulty. My ex managed to hoodwink a Crown Prosecutor, after he was charged by police for theft over 5000.00, and I was unable to prevent ex from disposing some equipment. Crown Prosecutor's response to me was: this is a matter for family court! My lesson to any woman contemplating going into business with her husband is simple: don't do it. I seriously doubt that a man who found himself in my situation would have the same problem. When 'shit hits the fan' even the law will not help you. In order to recoup something I had to hire someone to take the equipment to auction as I certainly don't know how to drive anything other than a car. This, in itself, was quite a feat as my ex was well known. I ended up finding someone who agreed to do it if they could be in disguise. Seriously. When arranging for equipment to be auctioned off I encountered rudeness and derision from the auction place because it was "perceived" that I was a gold-digging ex.

I still encounter a perverse attitude from people today who assume that, because I receive Spousal Support, that I am a leach. I lost EVERYTHING. SS will NEVER come close to paying me what I lost. I invested more into our business (5 times over) than my ex ever did.

I am older than most of you and I do remember a time when a woman couldn't get her own credit card if she was married, without her husband's permission. I encountered some difficulties immediately after separation. Having been married for 30 years we had our vehicle insurance at one place and it was always under my husband's name. The insurance people KNEW I was a partner in the business. When it came time to change I had difficulty with this FROM THE WOMEN in the office. As soon as I spoke with the owner things were quickly resolved.

Regarding the whole ugly part of domestic violence... I think there is most definitely a need for a men's legal help hotline or something. Women have the government Status of Women and I don't see why something isn't out there for men. Men do need a voice to ensure that there are progressive changes to ensure their parenting rights.

http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/index-en.html

Last edited by arabian; 02-05-2016 at 03:21 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 02-05-2016, 07:46 PM
Hand of Justice
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 3,139
Links17 is on a distinguished road
Default

There are already documentaries about the divorce industry - I didn't watch it but somebody mentioned one here already....

I don't care about women's challenges in divorce - the entire system is basically built around catering the needs of women. All you have to do is file for divorce and the system take's care of you, no education needed.

Practically speaking, men are simply the input - women and children are victors.

The goal is to teach men that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and show the stories of men that succeeded even in the face of overwhelming odds and systemic injustice...

At the end you can have your family, your money and gotten rid of the trash - the sooner the better so you can go on reaching higher.
Reply With Quote
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 02-06-2016, 04:07 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 47
Gooddadbadbreak is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
There are already documentaries about the divorce industry - I didn't watch it but somebody mentioned one here already....

I don't care about women's challenges in divorce - the entire system is basically built around catering the needs of women. All you have to do is file for divorce and the system take's care of you, no education needed.

Practically speaking, men are simply the input - women and children are victors.

The goal is to teach men that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and show the stories of men that succeeded even in the face of overwhelming odds and systemic injustice...

At the end you can have your family, your money and gotten rid of the trash - the sooner the better so you can go on reaching higher.

I agree with you Links17

My ex put on an award winning performance in front of the judge!
Then brainwashed my kid.

Sucks to be a man in the legal system
Reply With Quote
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 02-06-2016, 06:07 PM
Hand of Justice
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 3,139
Links17 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gooddadbadbreak View Post
I agree with you Links17

My ex put on an award winning performance in front of the judge!
Then brainwashed my kid.

Sucks to be a man in the legal system
That's why you need and assessment done.
Reply With Quote
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 02-06-2016, 08:42 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 363
Headwaters1 is on a distinguished road
Default

Rather than a documentary I'd rather see a Class Action Suit against legal aid.

Specifically to change their ability to side step any liability associated with any case they pursue. They help fund absolutely ludicurious cases through to trial forcing respondents to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars. Then when the cases fail, the judge looks over at the applicant and says "hmmm this woman can't afford to pay these costs". But legal aid is off the hook as well.

Let's sue.
Reply With Quote
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2016, 07:41 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 308
FaithandMorals is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I sort of have an idea for a few fathers here who successfully slew the family law monster be interviewed for a documentary to give other fathers tips about how there is hope of they play ball and play smart....

LF32, PlainNamed, WorkingDad and myself... It has to be people I think who were in conflictual situations and came up on top.... I wonder if we need "victories" where the moms were not crazy though... hmmm

Are there any guys who litigated but the mothers were NOT crazy and won shared custody?

I wonder if the act of fighting against shared custody in itself is an act of lunacy?
I think it is great that you compare your conflict with WorkingDad.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Divorce Industry Documentary ensorcelled General Chat 1 08-22-2015 09:28 AM
"Flying Solo" Documentary caranna General Chat 9 10-28-2013 10:33 AM
The Last Hurdle Pursuinghappiness Financial Issues 26 05-31-2013 09:08 PM
Documentary on the male experience in separation and divorce SteveB General Chat 101 11-01-2012 08:57 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:30 AM.