Do you think that woman receive preferential treatment

[helplessDad]

Originally Posted by dadtotheend

It's your choice to do what YOU want to do. Don't blame it on previous generations or cultural traditions.

Forge a path dude.

easy there cowboy. I wasn't blaming the previous generations for what "I" do. I was referring to the corrupt family law that hasn't been really updated for ages, and as a result men are still expected to provide what (some, not all) certain kind of women can easily take advantage of. if it was up to me, I'd stay at home with my kid and send my wife to work. now that wouldn't work would it if she refused to work?

[helplessDad]

Originally Posted by Mess

*shrugs* It's called knowing who you are marrying. And in as much as we're all divorcing here, that's not so easy. But you should be able to tell if whoever you're dating has a commitment to her career. When you discuss pregnancy you should be discussing post natal plans. For all my ex's faults, we did discuss all that and neither of us had any desire or intention to be a stay-at-home and we had daycare planned and picked out before she was ever pregnant.

If you're ex mislead you, I have full sympathy. But if you just didn't think about it, that's keeping your head into the sand, and if you fell into the breadwinner role it's because you expected to.

our initial intention was, we'd stay financially equally responsible after the child birth, but suddenly she started to play the victim and refused to work. I don't know how it is for you and your hubby, but I couldn't abandon my wife with a baby and bring only 50% of what we needed to the table just because that's how we had discussed. things change, that includes the wife changing her mind.

I'd love to be a stay-at-home dad to be honest. but the commitment also requires me to work. lucky you, the one you married didn't break the promise. unfortunately it's not the case for everyone. obviously it worked for you. thanks for your quick judgement on my marriage.

[Mess]

She just up and refused to work so you caved in and became the wallet.

That's not my quick judgement on your marriage, it's your oversimplified description.

You're a born victim, with no control over your life, and it's all what she did to you and what the corrupt legal system did to you.

I'm just going by what you're giving me, pal.

[dadtotheend]

Blame the system provides a nice escape from hard work and responsibility. If I'd done that, I wouldn't have ended up with custody. Moreover, my kids would have been screwed.

[helplessDad]

Originally Posted by dadtotheend

Blame the system provides a nice escape from hard work and responsibility. If I'd done that, I wouldn't have ended up with custody. Moreover, my kids would have been screwed.

if I remember correctly, your ex had some kind of mental issues (maybe substance abuse or something), right? I'm not denying what you've accomplished, and I am very happy for you. sorry your marriage failed, but the reasons why it failed actually helped you in court. not all divorced dads were married to someone with serious mental issues that could pose danger to kids.

[helplessDad]

Originally Posted by Mess

No one is putting a gun to your head. If your wife says "I'm quitting work to stay at home with the kids" just say "Sounds great honey. I"ll do the same thing!"

I agree that too many men get locked into a role of breadwinner, leaving the caregiver role to the mother. But that's the man's choice as much as the woman's, and if you don't want that choice, then don't take it.

If the wife refuses, that's your marriage falling apart right there. Don't have kids until you have things worked out. Hell, don't marry someone who doesn't have an interest in a career, who's incapable of being self-supporting. If your spouse doesn't want to go back to work after mat leave, go to marriage councelling. And in the meantime quit work and go to art school.

Be clear when you're dating that you won't be a wallet. Don't let it start.

Originally Posted by Mess

She just up and refused to work so you caved in and became the wallet.

That's not my quick judgement on your marriage, it's your oversimplified description.

You're a born victim, with no control over your life, and it's all what she did to you and what the corrupt legal system did to you.

I'm just going by what you're giving me, pal.

alright then. I guess I'd better take your advice and quit job and go to art school. that's an excellent solution right there! thanks, pal. you are awesome!

[dadtotheend]

Your choice to do whatever you want.

You can have the career and the kids. Or you can quit on the kids. Your call.

[helplessDad]

Originally Posted by dadtotheend

Your choice to do whatever you want.

You can have the career and the kids. Or you can quit on the kids. Your call.

oh geez, no one is quiting on the kids here. take it easy. it's not always either fight to win the custody or quit on the kids.

again, I understand you got to keep your kids. I'm honestly and sincerely happy for you. many dads would be dying to be in your position. but again, you had a really great case working for you. the OP was asking is if women are treated favourably in family court in general, yes I think so. I just believe there are reasons for that. but let's agree to disagree. even if mom and dad love the kids equally and both work, I'd say the mom still has the advantage of being a mom whom our wonderful family law prefers to give custody to. I bet there are also hundreds of exceptions. and of course there are many moms who deserve to be granted the custody. I'm not arguing how it went for you and other dads who won the custody. and I hope there will be more cases like yours.

all I'm saying is, in the last few decades, the society has changed so much, economical power shifted from totally dominant men to more balanced relationship between men and women. and no, in some industries, women still make less than men. but it's changed enough to make a significant difference in the work place where people make money. yet the family law hasn't adopted the changes.

anyways, if you are just want to win this argument, I'm not interested in this quarrel.

again, I honestly envy you and am happy for you that you have your kids despite the reasons why you had to go through a divorce.

[dadtotheend]

Originally Posted by helplessDad

again, I understand you got to keep your kids. I'm honestly and sincerely happy for you. many dads would be dying to be in your position. but again, you had a really great case working for you. the OP was asking is if women are treated favourably in family court in general, yes I think so.

Thank you for being happy for me.

I have said it before and I'll say it yet again. While one would be foolish to think there is no gender bias, it's not nearly as bad as some people think.

Yes, I had a good case, but I worked my a** off to pull it off and I was extrememly child centred and prepared at every step of the way. I left no stone unturned, both in the courts and in my everday parenting of my kids, before, during and after our separation. I was successful far more because of my efforts than because of my good case.

It burns my ass when Dads (and I'm not saying this is you) give up or use gender bias as a crutch to excuse their own unwillingness to get down and do the work required to be successful at court.

[Lanfear]

Yes, it certainly exists - but as dadtotheend explained, it can't be used as an excuse. It is an obstacle, just means that dads have to work that much harder.