Do you think that woman receive preferential treatment

[WorriedDad]

As to the question posed by the OP, yes unfortunately the courts have a sever gender bias, one I am all to painfully acquainted with. But since the law books officially do not have a gender bias it is possible to overcome it.

Originally Posted by Jupitor

Can someone recommend a good, well recommended lawyer in the central area of Ottawa. Being male, should I be looking for a male lawyer?

No, go for a female lawyer, preferably one that is a known feminist, get her on your side and you have a better chance.

[got2bkid]

I disagree about a man getting a female lawyer. My husband got one and he got severely screwed over! (ex moved with the kids, accross the country, he had to pay 100% of access costs (3600/year) untill "mom" got a job, which lasted 8 years of her being unemployed, 100% of extra-ordinary costs, 100% of medical dental, 100% of braces, etc.)

Now the ex has a job, he still pays 80% of everything, on-top of CS. She gets 1000/month in CS (and we pay another 600/month in extra costs) It is well over 50% of his income. She makes about 24,000K/year, gets 12,000 in CS, about 8000 in CCTB, about 3000/tax refund, so has an income (after tax) of 47,000, half of which is "given" to her.

My husband makes 60K - taxes(30%) = 42,000 - 12,000 (CS) - 7200 (extras) = 22,800. Not to mention the home we keep for the kids and what we spend when they stay here all summer.

Anybody who doesn't think men get screwed (cause most do not get custody unless they have $$$ to fight for it) needs to learn BASIC math, and the truth about custody and "visitation".

The female lawyer didn't help him at all, you'd think she was working for his ex.

[Banaschar]

Classic Rock CHEZ106 - Randall Moore Blog Archive Unfair Child Support Rules

[helplessDad]

the argument that men make more money or get promotions more often, that is in fact a BS these days. I don't know in what industry you work, I'd say easily close to 50% of director positions are taken by women. and yes, they are making pretty good money indeed. and yet, the society still imposes the old notion that men make more money.

many women love that tradition though. some wives choose to stay at home rather than splitting work and taking care of the kids with husbands, forcing the men out to work. men love to spend time with kids too! just because we don't get to play with them because we HAVE TO work, that does't mean we care any less about the kids.

in this day and age, men should also have a choice to be house dads. if men were given the equal opportunity, we could easily prove we are just as capable parents as women.

[Mess]

No one is putting a gun to your head. If your wife says "I'm quitting work to stay at home with the kids" just say "Sounds great honey. I"ll do the same thing!"

I agree that too many men get locked into a role of breadwinner, leaving the caregiver role to the mother. But that's the man's choice as much as the woman's, and if you don't want that choice, then don't take it.

If the wife refuses, that's your marriage falling apart right there. Don't have kids until you have things worked out. Hell, don't marry someone who doesn't have an interest in a career, who's incapable of being self-supporting. If your spouse doesn't want to go back to work after mat leave, go to marriage councelling. And in the meantime quit work and go to art school.

Be clear when you're dating that you won't be a wallet. Don't let it start.

[dinkyface]

Am facing this right now... In my current profession and experience level, many jobs entail significant international travel to india/asia/usa. Now that I have a young child, my time with her is precious, and I am not interested in forfeiting my midweek 22hour access (CP has made it very clear that she will tolerate no flexibility in our schedule... oh, except cancellations are fine). So, my job prospects are limited by 50% (resulting in longer job searches), and the average pay for those remaining prospects may be 75% of the others (just wild guesses here). But, a judge looking at my employment history would say I should be making $150K+. How successful do you think I would be in court to claim that my 1 day a week with daughter overrides mother's demand of another $3350/yr in CS? And you can start laughing now if I tried to reduce CS while looking for a job (as I currently am)!

Yet, I think that moms can much more easily make similar arrangements to spend time with their kids, and have no problems justifying their lower income.

I am the wallet, kookookachoo!

[helplessDad]

Originally Posted by Mess

No one is putting a gun to your head. If your wife says "I'm quitting work to stay at home with the kids" just say "Sounds great honey. I"ll do the same thing!"

I agree that too many men get locked into a role of breadwinner, leaving the caregiver role to the mother. But that's the man's choice as much as the woman's, and if you don't want that choice, then don't take it.

If the wife refuses, that's your marriage falling apart right there. Don't have kids until you have things worked out. Hell, don't marry someone who doesn't have an interest in a career, who's incapable of being self-supporting. If your spouse doesn't want to go back to work after mat leave, go to marriage councelling. And in the meantime quit work and go to art school.

Be clear when you're dating that you won't be a wallet. Don't let it start.

I agree with you, but a surprising number of women turn into wives who refuse to work when they became moms because they are "women" who are, according to them, supposed to take care of the children regardless of how much the dads also want to take that role instead of a bread-earner.

I'm not arguing that you are right or wrong, but simply stating many moms expect the dads to stay out the house, stuck in the office as long as possible just so that moms can spend more time with the kids.

either that or divorce! it doesn't require a gun to my head. either way, men are refused to spend enough time with the kids. of course most moms automatically become the primary care givers. but we are the men, we are always to blame because guys before the women's lib screwed up for us. way to go grandpas!

[dadtotheend]

It's your choice to do what YOU want to do. Don't blame it on previous generations or cultural traditions.

Forge a path dude.

[dinkyface]

Originally Posted by Mess

... And in the meantime quit work and go to art school..

Or maybe 'Fashion Technology' (my ex's career path)

LOL!

[Mess]

Originally Posted by helplessDad

I agree with you, but a surprising number of women turn into wives who refuse to work when they became moms because they are "women" who are, according to them, supposed to take care of the children regardless of how much the dads also want to take that role instead of a bread-earner.

I'm not arguing that you are right or wrong, but simply stating many moms expect the dads to stay out the house, stuck in the office as long as possible just so that moms can spend more time with the kids.

either that or divorce! it doesn't require a gun to my head. either way, men are refused to spend enough time with the kids. of course most moms automatically become the primary care givers. but we are the men, we are always to blame because guys before the women's lib screwed up for us. way to go grandpas!

*shrugs* It's called knowing who you are marrying. And in as much as we're all divorcing here, that's not so easy. But you should be able to tell if whoever you're dating has a commitment to her career. When you discuss pregnancy you should be discussing post natal plans. For all my ex's faults, we did discuss all that and neither of us had any desire or intention to be a stay-at-home and we had daycare planned and picked out before she was ever pregnant.

If you're ex mislead you, I have full sympathy. But if you just didn't think about it, that's keeping your head into the sand, and if you fell into the breadwinner role it's because you expected to.