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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2014, 05:33 PM
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You've just given me an idea. I think that I will now simply mentally compartmentalize the year of separation as the "year of green garbage bags."
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Old 01-12-2014, 05:36 PM
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I think the whole display of one's dirty laundry in public to be extremely distasteful. I had always been embarrassed by my ex's inappropriate remarks and comments made to either friends or complete strangers. I should have heeded my parent's advice and looked to my ex's parents to see what I was in store for in the future. Ah hindsight....
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Old 01-12-2014, 05:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
I can only imagine that people arguing in public must want their audience to say "you're right" so that their counterpart will go "oh, of course, I'm wrong, didn't realize it till the audience said so, my bad."

Or it's a saving face thing. Now that people have witnessed the argument, no one wants to look weak or humiliated by backing down, so they have to escalate.
Or a form of control - the partner doing the arguing in public knows that the other is embarrassed and might back down. It's like a little kid who acts out in a toy store - the brat is certain that Mom or Dad won't do anything about it, at least not in public.

I also find it ignorant to rant and rave in public, same thing with over the top displays of affections .... get a room please!
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Old 01-12-2014, 06:15 PM
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Some people 'do' love drama
You can say that again...no kidding

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Even on TV, if there's a man getting physical or just yelling at a woman I have to turn if off - I'm probably traumatized ....
But when it's a woman yelling (Like I saw today at store xyz), and throwing things from the kitchen....what do you do?

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I don't think people love the drama. I know I certainly didn't.
Yet you shoved all his stuff in a green garbage bag and took it to his place of work...what were the intentions?????
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I think the whole display of one's dirty laundry in public to be extremely distasteful.
It's completely and utter crass

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I should have heeded my parent's advice and looked to my ex's parents to see what I was in store for in the future. Ah hindsight...
Bingo....I should have looked at how my ex mother-in-law acted (husband left her decades ago, and she has been alone since). So when ex looks in the mirror, she can see what to expect
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Or a form of control
You throw the word round a lot, you do realize it works both ways, some subliminal in nature. Am sure if one should ask your ex, he might feel some of that comes from you too, perhaps not in blatant way...(just saying)
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same thing with over the top displays of affections .... get a room please!
Definition of "over the top"...are we talking kissing, holding hands, xxxxxx on a park bench, or a smack on the bum (if it's there in the first place)...... Why are you even looking at these people i.e. acknowledging it? It's usually puppy love, someone after something that night or people newly dating.

We've all heard it and seen it....some people will always try to portray an image that their sex life is the best thing since slice bread. Just like "beauty", one person "best sex" is another person's rubbish sex i.e. 2min jobbies

There is an old saying learned somewhere during my travels...."if you haven't been to somebody else's farm, you are more likely to think your farm is the biggest"

Last edited by FWB; 01-12-2014 at 06:23 PM.
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Old 01-12-2014, 06:35 PM
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I'd appreciate it if you would respond to my post individually and not blend my remarks with someone else's. BTW - clothes left in green garbage bags did not constitute a scene in any way. In fact it eliminated one [a scene] as the location where I dropped the clothes was vacant (Sunday) and not a person in sight. I did what I did to avoid further "scenes" and altercations with the ex.
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Old 01-12-2014, 06:43 PM
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@Arabian.....

I FWB apologize dearly for lumping your words in a quote, with words from other (also in a quote)


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I'd appreciate it if you would respond to my post individually and not blend my remarks with someone else's.
Ironically...what were we just saying about drama?

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I did what I did to avoid further "scenes" and altercations with the ex.
Hmmmmmm...here is a suggested approach from an expert

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Is your goal to get the other person to do something? If so, focus on what you want the person to do – not on what he or she did wrong. For example, if a neighbor has been loud, request that the person try to keep it quiet during specific times that are important to you. Avoid focusing on comments about the person’s character, such as saying he or she is rude, insensitive, or stupid. These do not motivate high conflict people. Once you have identified your goal, I recommend writing a B.I.F.F. response: Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm.
....Bill Eddy<--------------

Sincerely

Last edited by FWB; 01-12-2014 at 06:45 PM.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2014, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I should have heeded my parent's advice and looked to my ex's parents to see what I was in store for in the future. Ah hindsight....
Maybe it helps, but it's not a guarantee. My ex's parents are among the most wonderful people I know, and just celebrated their 50th. I would have loved if that had been in store for my future too.
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Old 01-12-2014, 06:58 PM
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"control"You throw the word round a lot, you do realize it works both ways, some subliminal in nature. Am sure if one should ask your ex, he might feel some of that comes from you too, perhaps not in blatant way...(just saying)


But when it's a woman yelling (Like I saw today at store xyz), and throwing things from the kitchen....what do you do?

Must be something wrong here as every time I respond to your quotes or threads, I end up regretting it .... live and learn.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2014, 07:23 PM
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FWB - reason for my remark is I'm sure Janibel doesn't want to be mistaken for me (putting ex's clothes in garbage bags and dumping them off)!

Yeah I guess Easter Sunday, in an empty industrial area (not a person in sight) with 16 green garbage bags, would to be "dramatic" to some. I did what I felt necessary. He's lucky he got a call from me telling him where to pick his shit up. I could have just as easily created a scene and dropped them off at his g/f's parent's place where they were all sitting down to a family-style Easter dinner I suppose.

While I can laugh at the situation now, I can assure you that at the time I was a woman who was simply frightened. Removing his personal belongings removed his reason for re-entering the home.

Last edited by arabian; 01-12-2014 at 07:26 PM.
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2014, 07:44 PM
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Quote:
He's lucky he got a call from me telling him where to pick his shit up.
You see...that is what I was getting at. I don't condone hitting anybody, and I'll have intervened had I been in that store....but retaliation is never the best cause of action


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I could have just as easily created a scene and dropped them off at his g/f's parent's place where they were all sitting down to a family-style Easter dinner I suppose.
How did you know this, were you stalking him?
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