Divorce Law are a Joke and Dads are the Punch Line

[#1StepMom]

Twice Bitten, your post brought a tear to my eye.

I cannot be more in agreement with you! As a soon-to-be-wife of a non-cp, I definitely feel the money crunch. And although I know this is not the best decision I've made, I find myself paying for a lot of my stepson's expenses, especially now that my fiancé is unemployed, yet FRO does not stop CS deductions until they have a new court order... which means we first have to go to court... and so FRO will most likely not receive a new order until at least 2 months AFTER my fiancé lost his job.

Your calculations are totally correct. I've calculated things much the same.

As much as we can wish things were like they are in Australia (althought their Family Laws are also flawed in ways and have their own loopholes) we live in Ontario and we must abide by Ontario's laws (and tables).

The way I get through the day is by convincing myself that my fiancé just makes 12% less money (when he does make money) than he actually does. And that's not counting the expenses on top of CS! But I treat my stepson as if he were my own, and I provide him with the necessities as well. It's a decision I've made based on the fact that this child did not choose to be born into the situation he was born into, and so he should not be punished for it.

*SIGH* I feel the tear coming back. That's enough of my 2 cents on the topic... for now!

[twice_bitten]

Thank you #1 StepMom! You are a star in the life of your future step-son, and you have just single handedly restored my faith in (wo)mankind! If it is any help at all, know that I wholeheartedly support your choices and your actions. Your fiancé is a lucky man indeed. Best of luck to the three of you!

[#1StepMom]

Thank you for the kind words, Twice Bitten.

Many (especially other stepmoms) laugh at my decisions to be an active 'parent' in my stepson's life... but I take it with a grain of salt. Perhaps the difference lies in the fact that I have been in a relationship with his dad since before his dad even knew he was going to be a father! We (my fiance and I) have been at this together from the start, since before the little one was born. (Granted, if he had committed his one-night-baby-making-drunken-romp after we had met, I probably wouldn't have stuck around, but I just happened to be 2 months too late meeting him, LOL!) I've had some difficult decisions to make... but I made my bed and must now lay in it. I've taken care of this child since we were first able to take him home, and have been there every moment as a "bonus mom." Heck, if you ask him, he'll tell you he has "two homes, two moms and one dad." ;-)

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

I wonder if all the responses against what Decent Dad says are from Women? If so maybe that is enough evidence in itself that maybe the courts are biased against the mother?

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

[quote=sasha1;3223]With regard to the complaints about the SOL for subsequent children being impacted by paying child support for the previous-born children... OF COURSE the standard of living is less for those subsequent children! You don't just wipe the slate clean when you start a new family! It's not like scrapping an old car, buying a new one, and still having to pay insurance for the old one.. The children from the 'old' relationship still exist! The fact that financial support is needed for those children is well within the scope of one's knowledge when they decide to create more children.

Funny thing is when the parent that has the children re-marries he or she does not have to worry about having more children because he/she has an extra income coming in every month. The support system is unfair to the non custodial parent. If the custodial parent is remarried why are they not able to keep a roof over their heads and support the children. I think that the support payed to the other parent should be drastically reduced when the custodial parent remarries and any support given should be put in a trust for the children to have when they turn 21. There is so much injustice in family court that it sickens me to death and so many Women (sorry to be biased) are gold diggers.

[got2bkid]

I agree with Ihave2kidsIcannotsee's last 2 posts!

I think if what is happening to men in family law was happening to women, they would be marching in the streets every day and we would hear about it in the media every day.

i.e.(kids get taken away, pay through the nose for them, don't get to deduct any expenses they spend on them on top of CS, no tax breaks, no credits for supporting kids, no way to start a decent life in many cases, no recourse if mom won't let dad visit, courts take moms "word" over dads "word" (and they even admit to this), no way to retrieve money spent on lawyers (like women have), new children get screwed if they start another family (moms yell that CS can't be reduced for 1st kids, yet when they have new kids they "take away" from the 1st kid by sharing with the whole family and no one says a thing) when man remarries they have two incomes minus 1/3 to 1/2 an income (cs and other payments) when woman remarries they get 2 incomes plus 1/3 to 1/2 another income (tax free)) when pay goes up, man has to pay up, when pay goes down, man has to plead in court that he isn't a bum doing it on purpose, men have very limited choices in life as payments are always coming out, women can go to school, do whatever, women has no accountability to how money is spent, man has to prove expenses are "real" if he is a contractor) etc. etc. etc.

But what we hear about are the "deadbeat" dads, the ones who don't help AT ALL, and now there are lots of ways to go after them.

But what no-one hears about are the men who DO pay, try to do the right thing and try to follow the "laws" and end up broke and disheartened by a system that takes full advantage of them.

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

It is nice to know at least someone agrees with me, it is so hard to stand in front of a judge and plead your case to only get told oh we don't want to hear about that. No one wants to hear the side of the non-custodial parent its all about the parent that has the children and the non-custodial parent might as well just sit down and take whatever is thrown at him because no one cares anyways especially the judges. When I went to court last I told the judge that my Son apparently (Stated in ex's wives affidavit) said that he would kill his father if the court made him see his father. I then asked the judge if I could allow a psychologist to become involved to see if Parental alienation syndrome was a possibility as statements like this from my son are alarming and need to be looked into for my son's own mental welfare. The judge replied with oh we don't want to hear about that sir." What kind of an answer is that? I am so frustrated wish there was something I can do but it seems as if I have no options open the court has shut the door in my face and laughed at me more or less. So you women out there that say just go to court and have your support lowered, I say if judge will not even deal with statements apparently said by children that are disturbing do you think he/she is going to care about lowering my support I don't think so! Don't speak about what you have no knowledge of there are thousands of fathers that are denied access to their children because the mother has alienated them from their father and the court does nothing about it. I am out of words nothing more to say as talking never helped me in the past and sure ain't going to help me now. I think my mistake was marrying the *&*%* that was my wife.

[jojoy]

I just finished my first interaction with the canadian law system. I was accused of all the the dead beat B.S most lawyer tell their paying customers to say. Im the male and i fell out of love with my wife of 20 years. I walked out and payed her $200 per month to keep food and a roof over her and my 17 year old sons head. She works, making the same money as me. she got talking to lawyers and they told her i should be taken to court and brought to 'justice'
As i left work one day about 18 months ago, a man in a black suit and sun-glasses served me the papers[laywer show buissness]. At first i was shocked, this was my first exposure to the law buisness. 'Then it hit me like a thunder bolt' the whole system is to line the pockets of the so-called educated lawyers, at the expence of the poor un educated folk liKe me. I refused to get a lawyer to 'act for me'. It was hard because they have designed a system that is not 'poor people freindly'. I pushed on however. All i had to do was remind myself that i did nothing wrong, and that lawyers ARE ONLY AN OPTION. AND ARE ONLY RECOMENDED IF YOU ARE INDEED GUILTY. All i had to do is provide a paper trail to prove i was not a dead beat and the judge would see my situation. You dont need a laywer to gather up your paper trail to prove your ex is lier. And it dosent matter how nice, typed-up and lawyeried it looks...it still lies and the judge will see through it. So, if you are a dead beat get a lawyer, if your just someone doing his best [His honest best] dont waste your hard earned cash to a lawyer.
Oh yeah, about my case. Well apart from wasteing a days hoilday, and having to look my ex and her 'acting laywers in the eye. Me and the judge resumed controle of the canadian law system. if only in a moment in his little court house. i dont know how much my ex has to pay her 'spokes person' but i bet its gunna hurt! As for all the allegations of been a dead beat dad, my son loves me even more, for been truthfull
'you dont need a lawyer unless you are guilty, someone else is paying for 'it' {the lawyer] or you have been brain washed into beliveing you have to have one.

[FreeNow]

Good for you JoJoy

FN

[sufferer]

When the two parties are in front of JUDGE for a motion/case conference,its not about the gender.The Judge will not listen to the aligations from both the parties(unless a trial is going on).Its just like his words against her or vice versa.My ex used the F*** word in front of the children but Judge scolded me when I mentioned the incident.My ex took my 3 year old and put her into some unknown daycare.I got my daughter after I filed the emergency motion.But during the motion JUdge refused to recall the incidence.HE sided my ex that may be the dad was stressed out thats why he did it and I shouldn't repeat whatever he did in past(only 6 months ago).
Frankly I don't find the FL system bad.I keep on reading howthe ex wives denied access or used the children against dads.I think any educated woman will not do it or may be there percentage is very low just as that of deadbeats