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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 11-28-2014, 06:28 PM
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Good post firstimer. What did you do to thwart your ex's attempts to "paint me as the bad guy in the eyes of our kids"? Sounds as though you have worked things out with your ex and I'm sure there are many on here who would benefit from your advice/tips.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 11-28-2014, 07:10 PM
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"Good post firstimer. What did you do to thwart your ex's attempts to "paint me as the bad guy in the eyes of our kids"? Sounds as though you have worked things out with your ex and I'm sure there are many on here who would benefit from your advice/tips."

I don't mimic her behavior. I ignore everything she says and/or does that is not about our kids. I don't bite on her passive aggressiveness towards me. In the end her actions and words speak louder to our kids than anything I could ever do or say and my relationship with them stays intact.

I was advised a long time ago that our kids will form their own opinions of each of us just by watching and listening to how we treat each other and them; they don't need any help seeing or hearing what is right in front of them.

I focus entirely on my time with our kids, on what is going in my home and in my kids' lives when they are with me. The week I have off I focus on my life with my wife.

I recently heard this and it hit home: "How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

Last edited by first timer; 11-28-2014 at 07:17 PM.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 11-28-2014, 08:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
50-50 as long as both parents reside in the same school district. If you want equal access, you should make the kids your first priority and live near their school. Distance would depend on the size of the school's catchment area.

If you want 50-50 to be sustainable after the kids are teenagers and prefer to be near to friends instead of parents, you'd better make sure the two homes are a bikeable or walkable distance apart too so that both are near the friends.

As long as we're dreaming of setting up an ideal system!
I agree with much of this - parents make sacrifices for their children, and sometimes those sacrifices mean staying within the same district to parent, attending the s7 tournaments, practices, etc. (notwithstanding they might happen not on your scheduled time, or are inconvenient for you), biting your tongue when it appears the ex is determined to cause conflict and simply putting the best interests of your kidlet ahead of your own. It is tough being a parent.

And on a note to the teenager reference above - as a parent (and in the BOTC), it should also behoove you to continue to push both parenting roles, when your kidlet understandably starts to wander off with their friends and spend more time away. Both my ex and I lost time when ours determined she was ready for some of her own time, had to work a weekend job, etc., but one parent can't be excluded and time has to be equalized as best it can, so schedules will have to change and you'll have to make compromises.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2014, 12:00 AM
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50-50 and teenagers? and being in their school catchment area.

I remember a 100 years ago what I thought was a good thing for my kids, which was buying a house 2 blocks from there "schools" (1 catholic one public teenagers switch schools a lot) and 2 blocks from the EX.

2 parents excellent incomes....joint custody....reason for move....teenagers to busy difficult gathering them up for time. this parent wanted as much time as he could buy with kid without structure.

Teens (4 of them) very excited as I.

EX wasn't and after 10 years of peace.....EX went bonkers....kids not allowed to walk there school route past my house....I was only allowed to stand on sidewalk in front of EX's when walking over to get whatever teens were around.

EX banned the younger teens from going to "my side of the block for Halloween...LOL.....she drove them across town. 18 year old came over of course had fun giving out candy.

Anyways a letter arrived by a lawyer EX had retained.....basically wanting a formalized joint schedule.....obviously what had worked 10 yeas prior wasn't good enough.

I retained a lawyer...the first question ....what's the problem

I said I moved 2 blocks from the EX.

The lawyer.....are you nuts no wonder her back is up.

my answer....but I did it to spend more time with kids, they were getting old wanted more time with them.

SO when I read the above post

biting your tongue when it appears the ex is determined to cause conflict and simply putting the best interests of your kidlet ahead of your own. It is tough being a parent

it brings back such fond memories

I think I learned a unexpected valuable lesson, for any parent with teenagers thinking of moving into a "catchment" area where another parent is established.

There was another important item.... I told the youngest teen I'd be at her first day of grade 8....trival...until EX found out....called me and said I wasn't welcomed and stay away.

Not being use to this, was never a problem before...I called the police......asked them ..can I go to my daughters first day of school.

THE cop said "we get this call from dads all the time at the start of the school year"...do you have a restraining order...no.....peace bond...no......then go...lmao

CRAZIER is over a call 5 years after....where EX is saying what a great idea it was moving closer to kids...LMAO
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2014, 12:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrToronto View Post
50-50 and teenagers? and being in their school catchment area.

I remember a 100 years ago what I thought was a good thing for my kids, which was buying a house 2 blocks from there "schools" (1 catholic one public teenagers switch schools a lot) and 2 blocks from the EX.

2 parents excellent incomes....joint custody....reason for move....teenagers to busy difficult gathering them up for time. this parent wanted as much time as he could buy with kid without structure.

Teens (4 of them) very excited as I.

EX wasn't and after 10 years of peace.....EX went bonkers....kids not allowed to walk there school route past my house....I was only allowed to stand on sidewalk in front of EX's when walking over to get whatever teens were around.

EX banned the younger teens from going to "my side of the block for Halloween...LOL.....she drove them across town. 18 year old came over of course had fun giving out candy.

Anyways a letter arrived by a lawyer EX had retained.....basically wanting a formalized joint schedule.....obviously what had worked 10 yeas prior wasn't good enough.

I retained a lawyer...the first question ....what's the problem

I said I moved 2 blocks from the EX.

The lawyer.....are you nuts no wonder her back is up.

my answer....but I did it to spend more time with kids, they were getting old wanted more time with them.

SO when I read the above post

biting your tongue when it appears the ex is determined to cause conflict and simply putting the best interests of your kidlet ahead of your own. It is tough being a parent

it brings back such fond memories

I think I learned a unexpected valuable lesson, for any parent with teenagers thinking of moving into a "catchment" area where another parent is established.

There was another important item.... I told the youngest teen I'd be at her first day of grade 8....trival...until EX found out....called me and said I wasn't welcomed and stay away.

Not being use to this, was never a problem before...I called the police......asked them ..can I go to my daughters first day of school.

THE cop said "we get this call from dads all the time at the start of the school year"...do you have a restraining order...no.....peace bond...no......then go...lmao

CRAZIER is over a call 5 years after....where EX is saying what a great idea it was moving closer to kids...LMAO
Very close to.peeing myself laughing. Excellent post. More personal experiences should surface on these forums.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2014, 12:38 AM
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What? You tried to buy a kid without structure?.. you moved when your teens were in school to your ex' area, or she moved to yours, to attempt a custody change? ..you moved back into area because your kids were growing older? Were you not in the area when they were younger? and police were called?

I don't understand much of what you've posted. Can you please make an effort to compose a complete sentence? I'm going to take a guess at what you are trying to articulate, and respond with:

Our teenager didn't switch schools a lot... actually, kidlet never switched secondary schools. No switches in primary either - parents never moved; we made a choice a long time ago to stay within the same catchment area. Of course, when you plan your parenting that way, and remain focused on the kidlet(s) from the get-go, I think the kidlets tend to stick around with both households.

And now, in university, as a young adult, kidlet with driver licence, honda accord and winter tires, continues to feel comfortable moving between both households freely. Over there the last 2 nights, I think here tomorrow night. If not, kidlet will check in for Sunday dinner.

eta - by the way,MR. T -- if you were the one to move closer to your kidlets when they were in their teens, kudo's to you. There is no doubt in my mind, whatsoever, that all of us here are loving parents, trying to do the best for our kids. As I said, parenting is tough.

Last edited by mcdreamy; 11-29-2014 at 01:06 AM. Reason: eta : -- Mr. T-
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2014, 12:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Looks like McDreamy's up trying to belittle people again.
I know. It's really got to bite for an argument, when the ex and I can get along, have a bivo on the back deck, I don't accept table cs nor s7, and we parent the kid well together, doesn't it.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2014, 01:16 AM
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Our teenager didn't switch schools a lot... actually, kidlet never switched secondary schools.

LMAO...which is it

I don't care about your parenting plan with 1 kid McDreamy it's irrelevant, but it's good to know where you "experience lies".

There's a reason why .....kids at 13 can state...determine who they want to see or live with.

I'm a firm believer in this

Lots of misguided helicopter parents think it's all about them not the child and of course micro manage.

Both my ex and I lost time when ours determined she was ready for some of her own time, had to work a weekend job, etc.,

It's agreed young adults should work, builds character, and should never be a issue between parents.

The point to 50 50 access with kids...be it teens or children isn't a game... if your interested in there general well being moving forward into adult hood

Originally Posted by LovingFather32
Looks like McDreamy's up trying to belittle people again.
I know. It's really got to bite for an argument, when the ex and I can get along, have a bivo on the back deck, I don't accept table cs nor s7, and we parent the kid well together, doesn't it


I don't see WHY McDreamy added/inserted the above useless bit, it's personal against LF32 meant to hurt him

Last edited by MrToronto; 11-29-2014 at 02:03 AM.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2014, 01:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcdreamy View Post
I know. It's really got to bite for an argument, when the ex and I can get along, have a bivo on the back deck, I don't accept table cs nor s7, and we parent the kid well together, doesn't it.
How are you able to quote a post that no one else can see?
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2014, 02:19 AM
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That's what flagged me S to H.

Just pulled out and inserted.

I'm very upset

Not fair fight when a MOD posts stuff...nobody has any idea about... then posting bits of censored crap.....HORRIBLE.

taking advantage of "a posting" delay for LF32

incredible
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