Access Costs Produce Grim Choices

[dovan]

Kimberly, I apologize if you feel that I offended you. It is true that there are those such as yourself that is why I stated there are many CP that use the money for other things not related to the children.

[Me_too]

Thanks Kimberly, you put into words exactly how I feel. Not all NCP are involved in their kids lives like they should be. Not all CP are greedy with money. That's why family law is so complex. If everybody had the best interest of the children in mind, there wouldn't be any heated discussions on money.

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

NO not all CP are after the money but most are.

[copper]

I agree that not all CP's are after the money but a great deal of them are. It would be interesting to see how many CP's would still want to remain as the CP if the CS and SS was not available. Doesn't sound too rosey now eh??

In addition to CS and SS the CP can offer the children all types of expensive activities embraced by Sec7 expenses because they will not be responsible for the costs.
In most cases, had the parents stayed together, these cost's would have been discussed and, if the activity was not affordable within the family budget the child would not get to do the activity......Simple as that.
However, in most cases these things are not discussed between the CP and NCP........The first the NCP hears about it is when they are presented with the bill!

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

My ex is always sending the kids away to summer camp regardless of whether it is feasible or not. I think she just wants the summer all to herself at my expense.

[got2bkid]

Kimberley,

You said "Not every CP is a greedy money-hungry heartless witch. My children have a human right to be provided for by both parents. We both agreed to having them to begin with, and being separated with his moving out doesn't relieve him of his duty to his children.
Trust me, I get the anger, the frustration, the stress, but remember when you are venting there are CPs on this forum who only want what is right for their children and are fighting for that when you comment and generalize CPs, NCPs, Exes, new spouses etc etc."

I agree with you and I realize that not every CP trys to get their ex to pay for everything. I feel for your situation where you are not getting any support at all.

Actually we are in very similar situations, your children are not getting the support they deserve, and my children are not getting the support they deserve.

In our case we do have a situation where the amount of CS, extras and access costs really are much too high. But I agree 100% with you when you say " My children have a human right to be provided for by both parents." So do mine and all kids.

The guidelines need to be amended so that parents who pay are only expected to contribute REASONABLE amounts, based on the cost of raising kids and shared between the parnets. And they need to take into consideration that the NCP has living expenses too.

I hope you realize that by sharing our stories, we are not trying to "take away" from the problems you are having. Your problems are very real, and most people are very familiar with the problems faced by single moms who do not recieve any support.

But I think this forum has room for our problems too, that family #2 is not acknowledged as existing when they assign money to family #1, and in many cases we have a real struggle just as you do.

I also think that it's very sad that his ex wife moved away, and now all the kids are suffering for it, their kids as they don't get to see their dad much, and our kids because paying 100% of the access costs leaves next to nothing for them.

There needs to be balance for both situations like yours and mine.

[Kimberley]

got2 - you're right, it should be fair. My comments were more of a run down of information to those that continue to respond generalizing a group of people (CP, NCP etc etc) without considering that not everyone is the same in life. That being said, I will be more direct after following posts across other sections of the forum; copper, let me repeat what I have already typed - I AM the CP, 100%, 4 kids, $2700 in CS over a 41 month period, NO SS as I don't want it, and I have not even requested extra expenses.. just child support.
I AM the CP and child support or not, I get to watch my children grow and learn each and every day. I get to have paybacks for suffering teen hormones by sneaking in a kiss with my 14 yr old son, forcing him to try to wash his cheek with soap & water for fear that Mommy kissy cooties may infect him and he'll die a slow agonizing death, I get to tuck them into bed, and have 'who can talk about the grossest thing at the supper table' contests (and win), and their father gets none of this of his own pathetic choices.
So CS or not, I got the best part of it all, and the financial burden is more than worth it.

[dovan]

I am completely sympathic to all CP parents as I was a CP parent as well mine now all grown up and out on their own. I too had to struggle with min CS and no SS. I remarried and the children have a great step father even though we are divorced now. Yes it is right that the CP gets all the trials and tribulations that come with raising children from very young to when they get older. I was there for their first day at school, when they lost their first tooth, when they won their first game in sports or scored their first goal, when they felt hurt because their best friend moved away, when they graduated school gr 8 and high school, I was there through the heartache of their first loves. Something the NP missed for whatever reason from being too busy or just not wanting too. All of those are memories a parent can not get back no matter if you are a CP or a NP. I only received 60 a week for two children on the old CS guildlines and never took him back to court. Yes I know I had to claim the money he gave me for the children but to me it was well worth it maybe it would be classified a stupid to most. That is one side of the coin... the other side is what I was attempting to say without offending anyone is that there are NP that do want to have their children in their lives and do pay both or one CS and SS, that do share in the upbringing of the children and are good parents and yet the CP still wants more or denies the NP any rights as an equal parent. All I feel is that if most people really put themselves in the other parents/persons shoes they may think differently about their own actions be it whether they are a CP or a NP, I am speaking about people in general acting this way. On a more humourous side of the this maybe they should make a reality show of it called parent swap please take my last comment as joking.