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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #71 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 08:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Ummm nope. Sorry - I know you'd love to "get me" on this one but he would be paying no matter what. I'm starting threads about


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I'm starting threads about calculations and time so that I can make sure I am going about this correctly and informing myself along the way.


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  #72 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 08:38 PM
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Originally Posted by stripes View Post
Here's something, just food for thought:



Custody is not black and white: either Parent is a terrible parent and should get zero access, or Parent is a good parent and should get 50%. Lots of parents fall somewhere in between - they can't or don't want to cope with all the demands of equal parenting, but they don't totally suck either. Holding the line at 35% (or 20% or whatever) could be a reasonable compromise, depending on the situation. It's certainly possible for someone to be a good-enough parent at less-than-50%, but a not-so-good-enough parent when it comes to taking equal responsibility. I don't know if this is the case with the OP, but it might be.



(Also, not everything is about the magic 40% threshold. Unless there's a major income discrepancy between Mom and Dad, switching to offset might not have much impact on either household's finances).


Completely agree!!


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  #73 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 08:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Ummm nope. Sorry - I know you'd love to "get me" on this one but he would be paying no matter what. I'm starting threads about


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Get you? It's a thread about why parents deny other parents 50/50 relationships with their biological children....not traps or a game of tag.

If he came in with a stellar parenting plan, including great info on exchanges, activities, school, etc. What if he took a "Parenting After Separation Course" to better comprehend the complexities of parenting after separation? What if he tells you he just wants to be civil and co-parent in an amicable fashion and scrap the BS stuff?

All hypothetically-speaking ....he did all the leg work, desperately seeking more time with his kids...Would you still say "no"? What's your response?

(And please don't respond by saying he won't do any of this ... he sure as hell could .. its a hypothetical scenario)

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  #74 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 09:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Generally in those situations though the parents who "don't want to cope" will agree (without the need for the court to intervene) and an agreement can be struck. What the focus (I think) of this thread is when parents don't "agree".

Where one parent specifically disagrees and consent can not be reached is what is being discussed.



Can you provide some examples?



I am of the personal opinion that when conflict exists in a unbalanced split the best thing for the kids (if one or both parents are requesting 50-50 residency) is 50-50 residency in the model of parallel parenting.

Again I state: This is in a situation where an Application is before the court where one parent is requesting 50-50 residency and the other is requesting every-other-weekend. In this situation (different from the one you mention) the parents do not agree. Children are caught in the middle of this disagreement and the courts are involved.



Agreed. 40% is a silly schedule as well and I believe it has a negative impact on children. Accounting for the 10% difference is really silly to do.
Completely Agree!!
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  #75 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 10:00 PM
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Every year a child go to school its a change, different teacher, possible friends, classroom and at times schools; from elementary to High school..how can a few extra days with a parent be devastating! Reminder! we pick them to be a parent for those kids. Situations do change, divorce happens and we are no longer in the loop on that parents life, we only get a snip if that...so making a judgement on the little know is not right.

Those that mix access with money are putting a price on the kids. Kids need to be able to adapt to changes and positive ones are not going to devastate them.

Venting below!
I'm an adult should I be devastate that my manager is getting a promotion and moving on to another division OH NO A CHANGE I'm going to be scared for life! Just waiting to start seeing this generation of divorced kids in the work force who will need to be coddled because they cannot adapt!
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  #76 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2017, 12:43 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I hear what you guys are saying.

I also think that we need to give him the benefit of the doubt that he may actually want to be equally involved as his children's life.

Angie is saying he's all about money, but there are father's out there who actually want an equal relationship. There's a good chance he's one of them.

Angie's looking for ways to stop it in a very scattered fashion. Is he harming the kids like she says (even though she's allowed him to have 35% access for 8 years)?

(it's only an extra day or 2...geeze).

But no, for one reason or another there has to be a friggen war over a day or 2 extra/year. Boggles my mind.
You could also turn this around to apply to Dad - he wanted 35% in the first place, he's had this arrangement in place for eight years to suit his work schedule, why now does he decide to pick a friggin' war over only an extra day or two, just as his CS payments are set to increase? Why upset things now over just a few extra days? As you say, it's only a day or two extra per year. Why can't Dad just stick with what's worked for him for the last eight years and not cause all this commotion over a few days?

My point is that we really don't know about the motives of the people involved, so we conjecture and read into the situation all sorts of things which might or might not be true, such as:

Maybe Dad has decided to be Superdad and now wants to be an equal parent to his kids eight years after divorce.

Or

Maybe Dad is completely motivated by the thought that he would have to pay table child support to Mom once their current agreement expires and he doesn't want to give her a single penny more, so he wants 50% now.

We just don't know.
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  #77 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2017, 12:54 AM
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You could also turn this around to apply to Dad - he wanted 35% in the first place
That's the past. People make mistakes. This is now. If he just walked in to their life perhaps 50/50 wouldn't work. But he's "already there" ..it's ONLY A FEW DAYS. Why turn anything around on dad...or mom? Why not just add the few days?

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Why upset things now over just a few extra days?
I don't know why Ange is?!?

If it were a mother who had been there almost 50% for 8 years and simply wanted to add a few days to spend more time with her children and be more involved ... would you agree she should have it?

Quote:
Why can't Dad just stick with what's worked for him for the last eight years and not cause all this commotion over a few days?
Obviously it's "not" working for him. He can't stick with it because he wants to be more involved and see his kids more. Why is "she" causing the commotion over a few days?

Quote:
Maybe Dad has decided to be Superdad and now wants to be an equal parent to his kids eight years after divorce.
And perhaps Supermom, who records her own kids, isn't as super as she appears and more time with dad would greatly benefit the kids. You're right .. we just don't know.

One thing we do know is that there's no abuse, an established relationship and he would like to be an equal parent .. which unfortunately he has to fight for.
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  #78 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2017, 07:51 AM
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This thread is supposed to be about 50/50 overall. Not one parents situation already discussed ad nauseam in another thread. Can we just...
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  #79 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2017, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by stripes View Post
You could also turn this around to apply to Dad - he wanted 35% in the first place, he's had this arrangement in place for eight years to suit his work schedule, why now does he decide to pick a friggin' war over only an extra day or two, just as his CS payments are set to increase? Why upset things now over just a few extra days? As you say, it's only a day or two extra per year. Why can't Dad just stick with what's worked for him for the last eight years and not cause all this commotion over a few days?

My point is that we really don't know about the motives of the people involved, so we conjecture and read into the situation all sorts of things which might or might not be true, such as:

Maybe Dad has decided to be Superdad and now wants to be an equal parent to his kids eight years after divorce.

Or

Maybe Dad is completely motivated by the thought that he would have to pay table child support to Mom once their current agreement expires and he doesn't want to give her a single penny more, so he wants 50% now.

We just don't know.
^I'd lay a wager that, in this situation, this more closely reflects reality of the situation. 8 years later.... CS arrears and impending increase in CS. Father certainly has not broached the topic in a low-conflict, consensus-building manner. Father treats the mother with total contempt and disparages the mother to the children. This is not conducive to effectively convincing the mother of his sincerity that he is considering the 'best interests of the children' is it?

IF the father wants equal parenting, 8 years later, I'd let him convince the court.... provide a parenting plan... get current on CS (note father has had same job, same shift for 8 years). Mother can sit back and watch father come up with a viable excuse for his behavior to date.
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  #80 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2017, 08:26 AM
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I think at times the lesser schedule is agreed to due to age of the child and with wording that all the parent with the lesser time has to is ask.

My husband agreement with his ex was that when child was to start school, that it would move to 50/50 which was adding in 2 days a month. The other side refused and off to lawyers and court. it took a year and a half to get this in place and its was dad that kept on with the offers to settle and made it happen.

My big issue with all 50/50 argument.....when parents go on vacation and child is out of routine and does not see the other parent, how can gradually moving to extra time be so devastating.

This whole thing of keeping the child in a bubble is craziness and an excuse to not allow a parent to be a parent.

How can a person that we saw fit to bring a life into the world with now does not cut it. ( yes I know there are cases)

Last edited by good_mom; 01-11-2017 at 08:29 AM.
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