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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I recorded my children so that I had proof that his allegations are false. They didn't even know it was happening. I am terrified of what he could plan to use against me. This is why I did that. As I have learned through this forum, a judge will not take my recordings into consideration and will not look favourably upon them; therefore I will not be using them in court. I have other means by which I can expose some of his lies and I will have to rely on those (if this makes it to court).
The fact that it HAS happened for 8 years indicates that it's not just because he wants more time. That is new, within the last few months. There have been MANY lies and manipulations of the kids in that time.


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Angie, one thing you need to remember is that the onus is on your ex to prove something he says. You will then have the ability to refute it. Good judges (and there are many) see through the crap to what is right. By buying into the fear of what he could do, youre playing into his hands perfectly. Stay calm, continue to do what youre doing, try to be reasonable and you will be fine.
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I recorded my children so that I had proof that his allegations are false. They didn't even know it was happening. I am terrified of what he could plan to use against me. This is why I did that. As I have learned through this forum, a judge will not take my recordings into consideration and will not look favourably upon them; therefore I will not be using them in court. I have other means by which I can expose some of his lies and I will have to rely on those (if this makes it to court).
The fact that it HAS happened for 8 years indicates that it's not just because he wants more time. That is new, within the last few months. There have been MANY lies and manipulations of the kids in that time.


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If your ex is psychologically abusing and manipulating your children then you are a sorry excuse for a mother to even allow them to spend 35% of the time with him. You should have fought for not only primary custody but supervised visits.


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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 10:05 AM
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If your ex is psychologically abusing and manipulating your children then you are a sorry excuse for a mother to even allow them to spend 35% of the time with him. You should have fought for not only primary custody but supervised visits.


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Submitted too quickly... but your ex is good enough for 35% access right?! Get out of the middle of his relationship with the children and their father, they own that relationship independently of you. You had the choice when you conceived your children with him, beyond that you have no business interfering with a parent wanting their children 50/50. It's unkind and damaging to your children.


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  #44 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Angie, one thing you need to remember is that the onus is on your ex to prove something he says. You will then have the ability to refute it. Good judges (and there are many) see through the crap to what is right. By buying into the fear of what he could do, youre playing into his hands perfectly. Stay calm, continue to do what youre doing, try to be reasonable and you will be fine.


That is what I am trying to do. It's difficult though. I tell myself a judge will see it as well.


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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 10:22 AM
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That is what I am trying to do. It's difficult though. I tell myself a judge will see it as well.
Judges do... Especially the "common as teeth" ones.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...n-teeth-17253/
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 10:35 AM
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I didnt find the statements to be contradictory taken apart in the sense of punishment for a bad behaviour. LF32s ex was proven to be reasonable when she was "punished" for her behaviour. If she had continued to withhold and prevent access and lie and make false allegations then no they couldn't co-parent and they were not a good role model. And in that case he could have continued to say "mommy loves you very much and we are working together to make sure you are happy" or something along those lines.
The behaviour of the other parent in LF32's matter speaks more to trying to establish a false status quo more than anything really. It is unfortunate that these "common as teeth" patterns of bad legal behaviour persist. Courts need to do more to nip these at the start. It is happening way more these days as we saw in:

Coe v. Tope, 2014 ONSC 4002 (CanLII)
Date: 2014-07-03
Docket: 2839/14
Citation: Coe v. Tope, 2014 ONSC 4002 (CanLII)
http://canlii.ca/t/g7w9n

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36. One final comment:

37. I hope I didn’t offend the parties with my Breaking Bad Parents analogy. They’re not bad parents. Yet.

38. Mainly, I was trying to give both parties a sobering warning: Stop!

39. Stop being nasty.

40. Stop jockeying for position.

41. Stop playing hardball.

42. Stop acting like you hate your ex more than you love your children.

43. It didn’t have to be this way. These parties had a year between separation in July 2013 and the sale of the house in June 2014 to work out a comprehensive, sensitive parenting plan. They could have spent a lot less money on parenting professionals than they’re spending on lawyers. They could have negotiated a civilized final agreement by now. There was no need for crisis and brinksmanship.

44. Now that things have stabilized (albeit, by court order) both parties have a chance to rethink their strategies and start over.

45. They can waste time, money and energy on more case conferences, motions, settlement conferences, trial management conferences, questioning, and a long trial.

46. Or, they can declare a truce; focus on their children; call in some therapeutic help (like social workers or mediators); make a few compromises; work out a plan everyone can live with – and take the kids on annual vacations to Disney World with the money they save.
More education has to be done with Lawyers about this all. Some judges are providing it in case law but, not many lawyers keep current on case law it seems... Especially the very very sneaky ones.

Good Luck!
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 11:05 AM
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That is what I am trying to do. It's difficult though. I tell myself a judge will see it as well.


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A common phrase I use with my partner is this: you cannot control the behaviour of others, you can only control your reaction.
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 11:31 AM
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Angie, we got off on the wrong foot. I hope you know we're just trying to a)understand ; b)give sound advice.

What other posters and I are saying is:

[QUOTE]
Quote:
Originally Posted by len14 View Post
but your ex is good enough for 35% access right?! Get out of the middle of his relationship with the children and their father, they own that relationship independently of you. You had the choice when you conceived your children with him, beyond that you have no business interfering with a parent wanting their children 50/50. It's unkind and damaging to your children.
and
Quote:
If your ex is psychologically abusing and manipulating your children then you are a sorry excuse for a mother to even allow them to spend 35% of the time with him. You should have fought for not only primary custody but supervised visits.
We just don't get it .. that's all.

How is he good enough for 35% access but not equal parenting? If he's a monster with the children and they're better off without him you wouldn't have agreed to so much access already.

#2: You're panicking over anticipated false allegations for no reason. As many posters agree here, the onus is on him to PROVE his allegations. Just as you have to of you're alleging anything.

The fact that you're "very" worried (to the point of recording your child) kind of tells us he actually may have something with teeth. By the way, parents can get kids to say anything on tape). Very dirty tactic.

Listen to Rockscan. Be calm and give a blanket statement that they are false. That's it. He wants to paint you as a drama queen...don't give it to him in a gift basket.
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 12:59 PM
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[QUOTE=LovingFather32;216013]Angie, we got off on the wrong foot. I hope you know we're just trying to a)understand ; b)give sound advice.

What other posters and I are saying is:

Quote:
and


We just don't get it .. that's all.

How is he good enough for 35% access but not equal parenting? If he's a monster with the children and they're better off without him you wouldn't have agreed to so much access already.

#2: You're panicking over anticipated false allegations for no reason. As many posters agree here, the onus is on him to PROVE his allegations. Just as you have to of you're alleging anything.

The fact that you're "very" worried (to the point of recording your child) kind of tells us he actually may have something with teeth. By the way, parents can get kids to say anything on tape). Very dirty tactic.

Listen to Rockscan. Be calm and give a blanket statement that they are false. That's it. He wants to paint you as a drama queen...don't give it to him in a gift basket.


He doesn't have anything on me. It just disturbs me, as a moral person who wouldn't do these things, to see my name written down as having participated in or said things that are not true. I do have proof that some of them occurred, not all. I am hoping that the ones I am able to prove false will ruin his credibility.



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  #50 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2017, 01:04 PM
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He doesn't have anything on me. It just disturbs me, as a moral person who wouldn't do these things, to see my name written down as having participated in or said things that are not true. I do have proof that some of them occurred, not all. I am hoping that the ones I am able to prove false will ruin his credibility.
Courts make determinations on LAWS and not MORALS. You need to separate the two. Courts are there to ensure that the rule of law is not only upheld but applied to all, even if that law may conflict with your popular concepts of morality.
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