Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Political Issues

Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #411 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 09:52 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 228
PeacefulMoments is on a distinguished road
Default

My situation is not one where the father would have wanted or attempted shared custody. He also believed our D would have had her best interests served by residing primarily with me. This was in fact a discussion we had had since his lifestyle led to many disagreements and the potential for us to break up. It doesn't make him an evil person for understanding that and doesn't make me a "gatekeeper" either. Although I didn't end up leaving him and instead stuck it out and supported him to the very end, I still say that 50/50 would not have been a good solution for our family at that time, even with the benefit of hindsight. My husband was in fact an alcoholic, although I did not want to believe it for many years and in fact I lost him slowly and painfully to cirrhosis last year.

To say I don't really support 50/50 at all based on the fact it would not have been a good choice for our family does not mean I don't support it.

Last edited by PeacefulMoments; 01-31-2017 at 09:56 AM. Reason: fixed error
Reply With Quote
  #412 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 10:25 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,486
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

This thread has reached this status:

Reply With Quote
  #413 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 10:29 AM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

When I use the term “gatekeeper”…which isn’t that often, I use it to refer to parents are denying access (FOR NO GOOD REASON). Saying you don’t like the OP’s attitude = not good enough. Saying you “think” he’s talking negative about you = Not a good enough reason. I’m just seeing a ton of parents denying access and my personal opinion is that most of their reasoning stinks and wouldn’t hold up in court.

Are you evil or a gatekeeper if the dad doesn’t want 50/50 and feels the child would be better off with mom? No, not at all. That’s an entirely different situation.

Quote:
To say I don't really support 50/50 at all based on the fact it would not have been a good choice for our family does not mean I don't support it.
See? Your ex was an alcoholic (ADDICTION) which affects his ability to parent. Your ex didn't want 50/50 .. so that obviously changes the situation also. Cases like that I'm 100% against 50/50.
Reply With Quote
  #414 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 10:30 AM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Tayken:

Actually, I think we're midst of a pretty good, mature little discussion right now Tayken.....no need to google broken trains and post them here....you interrupted a nice little convo.
Reply With Quote
  #415 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 11:26 AM
trinton's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,558
trinton has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PeacefulMoments View Post
I would say the wellbeing of my child makes it my business.
And that's exactly how I initially felt about that. But it has been communicated to me what the other parent does with their life is not any of my business.

Hope you know it's nothing personal, but rather me re-iterating to you what has been iterated to me, for the similar positions as yourself that I took on some similar issues.

I guess what I am trying to get at, is how do you prove what the other parent is doing is directly effecting your child?
Reply With Quote
  #416 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 11:29 AM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

I think that father's need to recognize that they are just as good of parents as mothers ... even in the early years. When this starts happening, fathers will stop acquiescing a status quo of EOW.

Both parents need to realize that "Gender" does not correlate at all with "better parenting skills". Unfortunately, dad's who make the early mistakes of not being there have a very tough time achieving 50/50, unless they worked there way up to an almost 50/50 regime over the years.

Quote:
[47] In coming to the foregoing conclusion, I have also been guided by For The Sake of The Children - Report of the Special Joint Committee on Child Custody and Access -December 1998 at p. 9 where it is concluded that “evidence does not support that one sex had innately superior parenting abilities.

http://www.canlii.org/en/nl/nlsctd/d...&resultIndex=3
I didn't have maternity leave....I didn't breastfeed. But I was there every second I could be. My ex slept most the time I was home and I took over all duties....literally for half the time....and I was good at it.
I didn't complain of lack of sleep when my daughter woke up in the night ... I loved the warmth, the drool on my shoulder and singing until she fell back asleep. I got up in the night much more than my ex.

Once males start realizing that they're just as good of a parent as a mother .. and start challenging the old. primitive prescribed gender roles....we will see more 50/50.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-31-2017 at 11:34 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #417 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 11:38 AM
trinton's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,558
trinton has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Free Speech:

Shared Custody

A) I support shared custody
B) I support shared custody, unless one parent is shown to be unfit
C) I support shared custody, as long as both parents can prove that they are fit.

The parents should never have to prove they are fit for 50/50. 50/50 should be the default starting point. The onus should be on the opposing parent or the courts to prove a parent unfit for 50 % exposure.

Last edited by trinton; 01-31-2017 at 11:43 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #418 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 11:43 AM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
The parents should never have to prove they are fit for 50/50. 50/50 should be the default starting point. The onus should be on the opposing parent or the courts to prove a parent unfit for 50 % access.
It's what I've been saying from the beginning ... they need to have great evidence to disallow an equal relationship.

Unfortunately many posters just hear this... "LF32 thinks 50/50 is for every case". That seems to just get repeated over and over here and I've never said anything close to that.

Isn't calling another parent "Unfit to Parent" an allegation? Isn't the onus on the parent making the allegation to be able to prove that with solid evidence. So let's chat about it. What "evidence" would stop a 50/50 relationship?

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-31-2017 at 11:51 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #419 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 11:52 AM
trinton's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,558
trinton has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
It's what I've been saying from the beginning ... they need to have great evidence to disallow an equal relationship.

Unfortunately many posters just hear this... "LF32 thinks 50/50 is for every case". That seems to just get repeated over and over here and I've never said anything close to that.

Isn't calling another parent "Unfit to Parent" an allegation? Isn't the onus on the parent making the allegation to be able to prove that with solid evidence?
Absolutely.

And I'm not here to bash those posters. It's a debate. Feel free to make arguments and hear counter arguments back.

The only times that I would agree with them is

1. if a father was presented 50/50 but turned it down for every other weekend access, due to work or whatever, and was aware that he could put child in daycare while he is at work, but still have the child over in the evenings and at night.

2. the father is far from the mom and is not able to move any closer, and cannot be granted sole custody to, and mom can't move closer to dad.

3. the father turned down 50/50 due to new family and kids, at which point I would say access should be cut off.

Last edited by trinton; 01-31-2017 at 12:00 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #420 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 11:55 AM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
Absolutely.

And I'm not here to bash them. It's a debate. Politicians yell and scream at each other all the time.

The only times that I would agree with them is

1. if a father was presented 50/50 but turned it down for every other weekend access, due to work or whatever, and was aware that he could put child in daycare while he is at work, but still have the child over at night.

2. the father is far from the mom and is not able to move any closer, and cannot be granted sole custody to, and mom can't move closer to dad.

3. the father turned down 50/50 due to new family and kids, at which point I would say access should be cut off.
I agree with all those situations where 50/50 wouldn't work. Also past abuse and addictions, extreme mental health conditions, etc.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Faulty to assume Shared Parenting: here's why SilverLining Divorce & Family Law 44 06-29-2014 01:41 PM
Velacott's new Bill C-560 (equal parenting) SingingDad Political Issues 16 06-13-2014 03:04 PM
Equal Shared Parenting Mother Divorce & Family Law 56 02-21-2014 04:43 PM
Equal parenting Bill tabled in house of commons SingingDad Divorce & Family Law 1 12-17-2013 08:43 AM
Vellacott celebrates National Child Day with announcement of Equal Parenting bill logicalvelocity Political Issues 7 11-24-2008 06:22 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:23 PM.