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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2017, 03:55 PM
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Long time lurker and first time poster! I am a mother that firmly and unequivocally believes in shared parenting - I am in a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement with my children's father. My current partner is also in a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement, which he had to fight tooth and nail for, despite his active involvement in his children's lives prior to the breakdown in marriage. My perspective is not popular amongst most women but my thoughts are firmly rooted in common sense, equality and being completely child-centric. Any willing parent should have 50/50 access to their children, without a doubt. False allegations of abuse - primarily in a courtroom should carry the same consequences as perjury which is an indictable offence. Losing their children would be the least of their concerns.
Secondly, I believe that an adult is responsible for supporting themselves fully and the children they bring into this world. I do not believe in child support unless a parent is unwilling to be a parent and be present.
I do not take a penny from my ex, he works hard for his household and takes care of our children 50/50 and my children enjoy what comes from his efforts. My partner shares 50/50, works in a very demanding job - 16 hour days and weekends when his children aren't with us and he still pays $700 and 70% of all expenses. Our system does not allow for the ambitious to prosper. The sad part of our situation is that if my partner wasn't the higher earner and didn't have to pay a king's ransom to see his children 50% of the time, his ex would have NEVER EVER agreed to 50/50. If she didn't collect child support she would have filed for primary custody. Shared only entered the equation when a mediator explained that she would get CS and 70% of all expenses in return and have the kids half the time.


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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2017, 04:09 PM
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Hi LF:

Not sure what I said in the above quote that goes against 50/50 presumed?

In case I wasn't clear, I am for it unless there is strong evidence against it or if one parent actually doesn't want it or is unable to have it for a legitimate reason.

If it seemed I wasn't supporting presumed 50/50 as a starting point, I apologize for not being more clear in my writing.

Guess it is not directly above anymore lol. See your post where you quoted me.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2017, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by PeacefulMoments View Post
Hi LF:

Not sure what I said in the above quote that goes against 50/50 presumed?

In case I wasn't clear, I am for it unless there is strong evidence against it or if one parent actually doesn't want it or is unable to have it for a legitimate reason.

If it seemed I wasn't supporting presumed 50/50 as a starting point, I apologize for not being more clear in my writing.

Guess it is not directly above anymore lol. See your post where you quoted me.
I totally understood your post Peaceful...and agree with it. I was just elaborating.

I also agree that sometimes there is actual abuse that doesn't always have evidence to back it up .. which makes things more complex.

When that's the case, I believe that judges should look at "PATTERNS". Patterns should be studied and investigated thoroughly.

Lately there have been parents stopping by saying "I don't want to give the OP 50/50 because he's a jerk to me..or he has a g/f my kid called mom once...or he's in it for money". They have the audacity to come on these forums, proclaim they're the better parent and that they will not "allow" an equal relationship to the other parent.

If a judge sees a clean police record, no CAS involvement, clean drug tests, and no documented evidence of abuse/power or control whatsoever, no significant disruptions in the child's routine ....... why are these parents still blocking an equal relationship? Why not give it a chance in the very least? These parents are doing their homework and stepping up to the plate. The kids are lucky to have parents who fight so hard. They deserve to have parents like that in their life.

The recent poster "Angie" really boggled my mind. Her ex had 35% access for 5-8 years or something. Dad's in court, spending money and fighting for an equal relationship and mom's saying no. Over a measley 15% increase in time.

Her reasoning is that the kids are being harmed and dad doesn't really want them.

So they won't be harmed at 35% access..but they will at 40%-50%? Does that make sense to anyone else? Anyhow .. that's just an example.

And she says dad's motivated by money ...but he's throwing thousands of dollars in court just to have an equal relationship? If he was that money motivated he wouldn't be putting his lawyers and judges kids through college....he would keep it.

I see this nonsense all the time on these forums and it's gut wrenching. So I took McDreamy's advice and started my own thread in the political forum so she couldn't shut it down.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-09-2017 at 04:36 PM.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2017, 04:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by len14 View Post
Long time lurker and first time poster! I am a mother that firmly and unequivocally believes in shared parenting - I am in a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement with my children's father. My current partner is also in a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement, which he had to fight tooth and nail for, despite his active involvement in his children's lives prior to the breakdown in marriage. My perspective is not popular amongst most women but my thoughts are firmly rooted in common sense, equality and being completely child-centric. Any willing parent should have 50/50 access to their children, without a doubt. False allegations of abuse - primarily in a courtroom should carry the same consequences as perjury which is an indictable offence. Losing their children would be the least of their concerns.
Secondly, I believe that an adult is responsible for supporting themselves fully and the children they bring into this world. I do not believe in child support unless a parent is unwilling to be a parent and be present.
I do not take a penny from my ex, he works hard for his household and takes care of our children 50/50 and my children enjoy what comes from his efforts. My partner shares 50/50, works in a very demanding job - 16 hour days and weekends when his children aren't with us and he still pays $700 and 70% of all expenses. Our system does not allow for the ambitious to prosper. The sad part of our situation is that if my partner wasn't the higher earner and didn't have to pay a king's ransom to see his children 50% of the time, his ex would have NEVER EVER agreed to 50/50. If she didn't collect child support she would have filed for primary custody. Shared only entered the equation when a mediator explained that she would get CS and 70% of all expenses in return and have the kids half the time.


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I love you. LMAO. Seriously though. What a great, well-versed personal take on the topic. Thank you. I think you understand that I'm not a "Fathers Rights" guy. Hate that stuff. It's all about the kids, equality and proper justice.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2017, 06:18 PM
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I think there have been cases in which the parents are not abusive but are so high-conflict that they can't begin to communicate adequately for 50/50, so the judge orders sole custody to one parent, to keep the kid from being pulled back and forth forever. It's a last-ditch remedy and both parents should really be slapped upside the head, but it happens. However, I think that most people, even people who really REALLY can't stand their exes, can contain their hostility for long enough to organize a schedule.

I'd like to see a lot more use of graduated parenting schedules, for situations in which one parent has been the primary caregiver leading up to the divorce and the other has worked outside the home, to allow a new equal division of care to be established over time. I think for some newly divorced parents the idea of being solely responsible for Kid half the time is terrifying, so they agree to a reduced role in Kid's life. If they had the chance to gradually get used to everything that goes on day to day in raising a child (and to readjust their own work and social lives), they might stay more involved.
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Old 01-09-2017, 07:57 PM
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Give me a break. No one uses daycare "to feed their own selfish needs". I used daycare (and after-school care) because I need to be at work in order to earn money to pay my mortgage. And there are NOT tons of options for high-quality care. You clearly haven't had to think seriously about caring for a child, whether at home (anyone who thinks getting kids out the door is a simple matter of "not being lazy" needs a reality check) or out of the home (sure, just take them to the gym when you need someone to look after them ...). If you wish, you can put your child in care for two or three days a week, but you will pay for all five days because the child care centre can't bring in another child on the days that your kid doesn't attend.

This board is full of parents who have grappled with the realities of caring for children while a single parent. You are obviously not one of them.
You do realize that not everyone works full time and not everyone needs full time care right? I know tons of parents who put their kids in daycare only 2-3 days a week. I would not even agree to a daycare provider that is so inflexible and fixated on money. You can never trust strangers. Look here

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.thes...ndroid-samsung

If your childs father was available after school everyday, would you give him the opportunity to have that extra time with his child?

I have a very close and loving relationship with my child. Tons of trust between us and I have the patience and adequate parenting skills to take good care of her. Never have any problem getting her out the door on time for anything. Get as much ready the night before as possible and getup and give yourself time in the morning. I understand children can some times act out when caught in middle of access and daycare disoutes but if you have a good relationship with your child they will trust you and cooperate with you. Trust me, the mom and the daycare provider have tried cutting my access by calling CAS. CAS always closed their complaints and confirmed I was a great loving parent.

Last edited by trinton; 01-09-2017 at 08:01 PM.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2017, 08:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
Give me a break. No one uses daycare "to feed their own selfish needs". I used daycare (and after-school care) because I need to be at work in order to earn money to pay my mortgage. And there are NOT tons of options for high-quality care. You clearly haven't had to think seriously about caring for a child, whether at home (anyone who thinks getting kids out the door is a simple matter of "not being lazy" needs a reality check) or out of the home (sure, just take them to the gym when you need someone to look after them ...). If you wish, you can put your child in care for two or three days a week, but you will pay for all five days because the child care centre can't bring in another child on the days that your kid doesn't attend.

This board is full of parents who have grappled with the realities of caring for children while a single parent. You are obviously not one of them.
You do realize that not everyone works full time and not everyone needs full time care right? I know tons of parents who put their kids in daycare only 2-3 days a week. I would not even agree to a daycare provider that is so inflexible and fixated on money. You can never trust strangers. Look here

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.thes...ndroid-samsung

If your childs father was available after school everyday, would you give him the opportunity to have that extra time with his child?

I have a very close and loving relationship with my child. Tons of trust between us and I have the patience and adequate parenting skills to take good care of her. Never have any problem getting her out the door on time for anything. Get as much ready the night before as possible and getup and give yourself time in the morning. I understand children can some times act out when caught in middle of access and daycare disoutes but if you have a good relationship with your child they will trust you and cooperate with you. Trust me, the mom and the daycare provider have tried cutting my access by calling CAS. CAS always closed their complaints and confirmed I was a great loving parent.
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Old 01-09-2017, 08:11 PM
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Originally Posted by stripes View Post
Give me a break. No one uses daycare "to feed their own selfish needs". I used daycare (and after-school care) because I need to be at work in order to earn money to pay my mortgage. And there are NOT tons of options for high-quality care. You clearly haven't had to think seriously about caring for a child, whether at home (anyone who thinks getting kids out the door is a simple matter of "not being lazy" needs a reality check) or out of the home (sure, just take them to the gym when you need someone to look after them ...). If you wish, you can put your child in care for two or three days a week, but you will pay for all five days because the child care centre can't bring in another child on the days that your kid doesn't attend.

This board is full of parents who have grappled with the realities of caring for children while a single parent. You are obviously not one of them.

You do realize that not everyone works full time and not everyone needs full time care right? I know tons of parents who put their kids in daycare only 2-3 days a week. I would not even agree to a daycare provider that is so inflexible and fixated on money. You can never trust strangers. Look here

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.thes...ndroid-samsung

If your childs father was available after school everyday, would you give him the opportunity to have that extra time with his child?

I have a very close and loving relationship with my child. Tons of trust between us and I have the patience and adequate parenting skills to take good care of her. Never have any problem getting her out the door on time for anything. Get as much ready the night before as possible and getup and give yourself time in the morning. I understand children can some times act out when caught in middle of access and daycare disoutes but if you have a good relationship with your child they will trust you and cooperate with you. Trust me, the mom and the daycare provider have tried cutting my access by calling CAS. CAS always closed their complaints and confirmed I was a great loving parent.
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Old 01-09-2017, 08:17 PM
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Originally Posted by trinton View Post
You do realize that not everyone works full time and not everyone needs full time care right? I know tons of parents who put their kids in daycare only 2-3 days a week. I would not even agree to a daycare provider that is so inflexible and fixated on money. You can never trust strangers. Look here

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.thes...ndroid-samsung

If your childs father was available after school everyday, would you give him the opportunity to have that extra time with his child?

I have a very close and loving relationship with my child. Tons of trust between us and I have the patience and adequate parenting skills to take good care of her. Never have any problem getting her out the door on time for anything. Get as much ready the night before as possible and getup and give yourself time in the morning. I understand children can some times act out when caught in middle of access and daycare disoutes but if you have a good relationship with your child they will trust you and cooperate with you. Trust me, the mom and the daycare provider have tried cutting my access by calling CAS. CAS always closed their complaints and confirmed I was a great loving parent.
It's not a matter of being "inflexible and fixated on money". I have served on the boards of non-profit child care, and it's very clear that what we offer parents is an available space, and they can use it how they choose - every day, only alternate Wednesdays, etc. Operating any other way would be nice but impossible. Think about it: if you have a summer cottage, do you pay the mortgage only during the months that you're staying there? No, because the cottage belongs to you all year round and you use it as you see fit. Same with daycare. Believe me, no one goes into child care to make money.

I'm glad you're a great loving parent. But you're also a harshly judgmental one. If my kid's father was available every day after school during my weeks and wanted to pick up Kid from child care until I was done work, I'd say sure. But that would be my choice, not my obligation.
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Old 01-09-2017, 08:22 PM
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This post is about ROFR, and, has been pointed out by more seasoned posters (with case law and evaluations, no less), it doesn't work well. Any other thoughts on the original question re: ROFR or researched disagreements with the seasoned posters, or should I move all future posts from you on this thread to the political forum for you?

Would you like to start another thread re daycare?
I posted a disagreement but you keep moving it. But you seem to be keeping others opinionated and subjected disagreements regarding daycare and not rofr. You're being difficukt and picky for no good reason. If you're going to move my post about 50-50 then move all posts re 50-50 in this thread.

Daycare and rofr are relevant. Very relevant. If youre going to remove my posts about daycate then move all of them.

Fact: not all single parents work 5 days a week.

Fact: not all single parents put child in daycare 5 days a week.

Access parent should hVe right to enjoy extra time when they are available. To argue that the other parent wants rofr just to get 50-50 in unreasonable. That argument is a 2 way street. Im not the one that made that argument here. You may consider moving that post out of this thread.
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