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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #121 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2017, 11:35 PM
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Youre saying your not exposing child to adukt conflict but You're recording your child. You've exposed him/her to the conflict already. What is a child supposed to think when they are recorded for court purposes. Judges frown on that behaviour. Please stop exposing your child to the adult conflict. The notes can be used against you to show that you discuss those things with your child.

So what thats how it was for the last 8 years? How old was the child. How old is the child now. Is the OCL involved? What would the children say to an independent child social worker ?

Youre saying your in favour of shared custody 50/50 but you're not agreeing to it. I'm sorry but you are pushing and pulling at the same time.

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  #122 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 12:56 AM
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Triton I think you're getting a tad whipped up here about nothing. The mother stated that she had recorded her children. She got feedback from people on the forum, including myself, that should the matter end up in court many judges do not favor this sort of approach. I believe someone posted some relevant case law to this effect. She isn't doing the tape recording on an ongoing basis. Don't try to make this more than what it is.

Secondly she states that she supports the concept for 50/50 in some circumstances. Her situation, and personal experiences, set her apart from those who seek 50/50 immediately after separation. Her situation is different as the father is considering 50/50 8 years later. This request correlates with his CS arrears and refusal to adjust/increase CS as is required by law. Nothing more.

She has clearly stated that her children are doing well academically and socially at the present time under the current 70/30 split. The poster has not indicated any involvement of CAS or OCL. The current state of affairs is simply that her lawyer is communicating (by letter) with his lawyer. Nothing more.

The mother has retained all of the children's notebooks. This is not unusual for a mother (or father to do). I still have school notebooks from my adult son's days in school. I think what she was trying to say that the children's notebooks show her involvement in the children's schoolwork and show little to no involvement on the part of the father. Nothing more, nothing less.

The mother is not exposing her children to adult conflict. She is keeping her children from adult conflict. She is trying to deal with a very rude ex who makes derogatory comments about her to the children - a problem that many adults go through.

She simply wants some advice on how to handle her current situation.



The mother simply started her threads asking us for feedback on her concerns/fears going forward and requested ideas on how to best handle her ex's demand for change of custody. This is the first he has indicated he wants a change in 8 years (since their current agreement on consent was drawn up).
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  #123 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 01:55 AM
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trinton has a little shameless behaviour in the past
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and as we've said, agree to 50/50 and settle it. You take the advice or you go to court for the next couple of years and wait in line for a trial to prove your case to collect that child support.

Somewhere along the way the OCL may get involved and hear what the children have to say. They may very well wish to spend more time with dad.

It just doesn't make any sense why she supports 50/50 but does not agree to it. These are all her words. Not mine. Her own written posts.

Status quo is her argument but I question her true reasons. She has very clearly written her subjective opinion the father just wants more time to lower his child support and so she doesn't want that to happen. She wants maximum child support. It's not rocket science.

Last edited by trinton; 01-12-2017 at 01:57 AM.
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  #124 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 02:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
It just doesn't make any sense why she supports 50/50 but does not agree to it. These are all her words. Not mine. Her own written posts.
So what? Why take it so personally that you have to post over and over again the same thing? Why do you care what her reasons are?

LF, how is it you can post so frequently and at such great length (and with case law) during the day when you are supposed to be working with children?? There aren't enough breaks and lunches for all your posts. Wasting those tax dollars??

Ange, my advice is to just ignore them now. You've made your points in a clear, conscise way. You have not responded to their beating a dead horse with anger or accusations. It is okay to step back and not use your day to defend your life and your choices.

Finally, in my case, ex never one time requested 50/50. Never. He and his high priced lawyer were quite happy to have him be a EOW Dad.

I wonder what is more common, parents who try to keep the children so they can keep C/S or parents who don't see their children often or enough, demonstrating very little commitment to the day to day needs of raising a child?

My vote is for the parents who are quite content to be a weekend parent. I see far more of that.
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  #125 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 08:01 AM
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I am going to agree that 50-50 always should be the starting point but it's also not always what parents want nor is it always in the best interest of the children.

My husband is an eow Dad... this is due to him relocating for work and then his wife emailing him and breaking off a 7 year marriage. He couldn't go back to the town they lived in as he had no job and no place to live. He also didn't fight to have his kids moved to his new area because he would have lost that battle. He would have loved to have 50-50 parenting over the years and we do and have seen the kids far more than just EOW but in his situation at the time, it was best Mom had the kids because he was also couch surfing at the beginning.

That being said, I don't believe what happens in the early years should be the be all end all. In his situation his son who is 11.5 years old has expressed for the past couple years the desire to move in with us. It has now got to the point where he is really pushing this. The unfortunate part is that we know there will be a battle and a good chance we will lose the fight for his son because there hasn't really been a material change in circumstances. That's the part I don't agree with. An agreement made 7 years ago shouldn't dictate the future. Kids should have a say and agreement should be able to reviewed as kids age and start to have voices.




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  #126 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 08:40 AM
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It says more about the character of a poster engaged in ad hominem attacks in a ‘debate’ thread, then it does the character of their target.
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  #127 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 09:30 AM
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I made the mistake of referencing Ange's case in the beginning. I did so because I felt that so many cases are similar to hers.

The purpose of the thread was to hear the opinion of folks who deny (or are being denied) an equal relationship with their children...and the "criteria" they use to do so. Where's the abuse? Where's the big change in routine? Where's the addictions? All I see is warring couples who dislike each other...most of them almost at 50/50 anyways.

The illusion is that I'm a father's rights guy ... the truth is that so far 99% of folks who are denying equal relationships have pretty much no grounds to do so (based on the facts they present here).

We have parents who keep 6 binders of "bad parenting notes" over 8 years, claim psychological abuse, claim that the other parent is unable to properly care for their child, etc....yet has been on an almost equal regime for nearly a decade. All this terrible parenting and no concerns to authorities or any type of intervention for her children?

The only time she pulls out these binders is when he asks for a bit more time for an equal relationship?

Ange may be good at avoiding the important q's here...but she can't ignore a judge.

We have a poster who records her children .. asking them what they talked about or heard at dad's .. then tells us they don't know what's going on.

Trinton may be emotional, but it's because he's going through it as we speak as well. These sorts of things strike a chord sometimes.

No...50/50 doesn't work for everybody, but this case certainly doesn't meet the criteria to stop that little increase in time to be an equal relationship. Put the money towards the kids education instead. I don't get it. Kids are thriving when he has 35% .. but not 40% or 50%?

Anyhow, I have no issue not discussing Ange's case here...all she has to do is not reply again here. Of course she can feel free to, but if she does we will continue to expose the holes in her story, case and decisions to FIGHT in court rather than allow an equal relationship with dad (who almost has one anyways).

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-12-2017 at 09:34 AM.
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  #128 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 10:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I made the mistake of referencing Ange's case in the beginning. I did so because I felt that so many cases are similar to hers.

The purpose of the thread was to hear the opinion of folks who deny (or are being denied) an equal relationship with their children...and the "criteria" they use to do so. Where's the abuse? Where's the big change in routine? Where's the addictions? All I see is warring couples who dislike each other...most of them almost at 50/50 anyways.

The illusion is that I'm a father's rights guy ... the truth is that so far 99% of folks who are denying equal relationships have pretty much no grounds to do so (based on the facts they present here).

We have parents who keep 6 binders of "bad parenting notes" over 8 years, claim psychological abuse, claim that the other parent is unable to properly care for their child, etc....yet has been on an almost equal regime for nearly a decade. All this terrible parenting and no concerns to authorities or any type of intervention for her children?

The only time she pulls out these binders is when he asks for a bit more time for an equal relationship?

Ange may be good at avoiding the important q's here...but she can't ignore a judge.

We have a poster who records her children .. asking them what they talked about or heard at dad's .. then tells us they don't know what's going on.

Trinton may be emotional, but it's because he's going through it as we speak as well. These sorts of things strike a chord sometimes.

No...50/50 doesn't work for everybody, but this case certainly doesn't meet the criteria to stop that little increase in time to be an equal relationship. Put the money towards the kids education instead. I don't get it. Kids are thriving when he has 35% .. but not 40% or 50%?

Anyhow, I have no issue not discussing Ange's case here...all she has to do is not reply again here. Of course she can feel free to, but if she does we will continue to expose the holes in her story, case and decisions to FIGHT in court rather than allow an equal relationship with dad (who almost has one anyways).
I will have to agree with SadandTired that I have made my points clearly. I honestly feel that (as one poster put it) there is a wee bit of "projection" going on with regards to my case. I get that there are a lot of people on here who have been through a huge fight for custody. False allegations even. That doesn't mean you should see me in the same way. You don't know my ex and you really don't know the entire story. As for exposing "holes" - expose away! As Arabian pointed out, I have been very consistent in my many posts thus far because I rely on recalling the facts and the truth. You are actually getting a lot of the facts wrong when you post about me...for example your above statement that I asked my children what went on at dad's. Nope - never happened. I hit record when she was voluntarily telling me about something that bothered her that Dad said about me. But you don't want to see it that way. Or Triton's insistence that I am asking questions to figure out how to avoid paying child support - not true either. Paint me however you'd like! I am good with it. I also don't OWE anyone the answers to the questions you persistently ask me. I came here to learn things and ask questions. I came here to hopefully have my posts taken for the truth. I will back out of this conversation now but I respectfully ask you (LF32) to please leave my name out of your discussions as I don't feel you can accurately talk about my case, or leave emotion out of it.
Thanks!
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  #129 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 10:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
I am going to agree that 50-50 always should be the starting point but it's also not always what parents want nor is it always in the best interest of the children.

My husband is an eow Dad... this is due to him relocating for work and then his wife emailing him and breaking off a 7 year marriage. He couldn't go back to the town they lived in as he had no job and no place to live. He also didn't fight to have his kids moved to his new area because he would have lost that battle. He would have loved to have 50-50 parenting over the years and we do and have seen the kids far more than just EOW but in his situation at the time, it was best Mom had the kids because he was also couch surfing at the beginning.

That being said, I don't believe what happens in the early years should be the be all end all. In his situation his son who is 11.5 years old has expressed for the past couple years the desire to move in with us. It has now got to the point where he is really pushing this. The unfortunate part is that we know there will be a battle and a good chance we will lose the fight for his son because there hasn't really been a material change in circumstances. That's the part I don't agree with. An agreement made 7 years ago shouldn't dictate the future. Kids should have a say and agreement should be able to reviewed as kids age and start to have voices.




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Childhood lasts a very short time. You should consider a move to where the child lives or dad should set up a second home and change parenting arrangement to 50/50.


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  #130 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2017, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by len14 View Post
Childhood lasts a very short time. You should consider a move to where the child lives or dad should set up a second home and change parenting arrangement to 50/50.


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In a perfect world yes that would work but we don't live in a perfect world. There are no jobs around the kids area and in fact mom works nights at a factory and the kids spend the nights at their Nanas house. If we had the option of moving to that area and providing a life for the children then that's what we would do but not all small towns offer opportunities. I would actually say the kids have been far better off and had more in life than they would have had Dad given up his job and moved back to the area.

I will also point out that even intact families don't have both parents home at times. My own father travelled for years for work and was home on weekends if we were lucky. I work with many dads now that live 3-4 hours away and are away all week and return on weekends. Do you suppose they should quit their jobs and move back to their home to be with their children every day?


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