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Old 04-23-2010, 09:42 AM
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Worried
Yesterday, 09:47 PM
copping
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Worried
First let me say I am so glad i have found this site;

BIT OF A RAMBLE HERE

I am new here . My husband of 23 yrs called me at work to let me know he was leaving a week before Christmas and of course I was in total shock, could not believe what he was saying to me. He kissed me goodbye that morning i left for work and told me to have a good day, that would be until 1;20pm when he called with the news. I was driven home by an associate to find the "note he had left" saying sorry but not happy and we have raised our boys ( all grown) to the best we could and just time to move on to another journey in life? and that he had retained a lawyer and I should do the same. oh and PS: food & booze in the house for Christmas.I have not seen him since. He is howerver still paying the mortgage and loc, I am paying all other household bills and am ok with that for now. I plan on keeping the house and will pay him his half of the equity through his pension fund that I won't take. I will be coming up somewhat short on the mortgage and bills (not by much) and am seeking SS not looking to drain the guy but do need help. he has told me I am now being greedy and will not pay and will quit his job as he will not pay me a cent. he makes ok money as I do i think I just under 40K he is over 70K. My question is if he does quit his job where would that leave me and the boys? I keep thinking I will loose the house because of him and I certainly don't want that to happen as I love my home and area that I live in. The mortgage payments are about par with that of a city high rise so why loose the house? any advice would be great

thanks
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Old 04-23-2010, 10:34 AM
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Don't believe him when he says he will quit his job. That's cutting off his nose to spite his face. He won't do it. He's just reacting emotionally.

SS is definitely a consideration after a lengthy marriage, but you appear to coping on your own, so it doesn't sound urgent. That said, you shouldn't wait a year to stake your claim as by waiting you will appear to be not in need of it.

Send him something in writing (registered mail) stating that you want to discuss SS and equalization of family property. If (when) he doesn't respond, wait a week or two and send him another letter repeating your requests. If (when) he doesn't respond, wait another week and send him another letter stating that you would like to settle your differences out of court, but you will be left with no other option but to make an application for the court's assistance if he remains unwilling to work with you.

By doing that you are laying the foundation of your case if it has to go court.

In the meantime, research the hell out of SS and equalization of family property and educate yourself on the process so you will be knowedgeable and able to do the leg work that a lawyer will assist you with. Also, go and see a couple of lawyers to test the waters. They will give you a free half hour.
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Old 04-23-2010, 11:06 AM
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Thank you for your advice, we both have lawyers now but nothing seems to be happening. I gave my financial statement to my lawyer 5 weeks ago because he was complaining about paying the mortgage and line of credit, and paying for a room that he is living in with a buddy. He has not asked me to pay a portion of the martgage or the line of credit. His lawyers last letter stated that we they are almost ready for a 4 way meeting. Does this have to be in person or can this by via conference call? I really don't want to face him right now. Since I have found this forum I am reading and learning daily. He is and always has been a man all about his money, so I know I am in for some nasty stuff to come if I ask for SS. I have 2 boys at home with me 1 works and the other does not, ex thinks the boys should be topping up to pay the bills. although 1 has no income so I am supporting him and the other doesnt really make a lot, enough to pay for his car and insurance so can't really ask him for anything. the ex just doesn't get it. The only commucication I have with him is via a text message. I am just worried sick.
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Old 04-23-2010, 01:28 PM
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HOw old are your boys?
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Old 04-23-2010, 01:48 PM
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They are 20 & 22, the 22 year old doesn't work but is looking, problem is we live in a small town with no bus service and he doesn't drive. I also have a 26 yr old son from a previous relationship but he lives in Windsor, comes home evey other weekend. They all help me around the house and I wouldn't know what I would have done without them these last few months. Husband texts them also.
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