Why?

[kawarthaquestions]

Hey all,
Here's where I'm at...

I decided to leave my husband (married 3 years) last year, after a 7 year relationship riddled with constant fighting and no resolutions. I filed for divorce last month.

I am definitely dealing with the feeling of failure...and at a younger age(32) with only being married such a short time I am having feelings of doubt. I wonder why I/we couldn't make things work...did I try hard enough etc. I understand that divorce is hard and it takes time to grieve etc., but why I am having such a hard time moving on. I was the one who left and I thought that when I made that decision I had already dealt with the emotions surrounding it.

He has already got a girlfriend and is moving forward....it really hurts to think that I didn't mean enough to him for him to spend some time grieving too. Why am I jealous of this??? I know I don't want him back.

Any suggestions how I can move past these feelings of failure, hurt, jealousy...they have severly effected my self confidence/esteem and are starting to effect my work and other relationships(parents, siblings, friends). Help!!

[Kimberley]

Think of things this way:
You no longer have to fight over every single insignificant thing every day.
You no longer have to dread going home, knowing you will be arguing about something or another.
You no longer have to feel stressed every day, even when you should be enjoying a day of sunshine, no work, all play.
You no longer have to account for your whereabouts, what you are doing, who you spoke to, etc
You no longer have to hear someone questioning everything, and slowly chipping away your confidence in yourself.

You found the strength to decide that enough was enough, and made the first step. Just remember to lace up some comfy shoes, step over a few cracks in the road here & there, and that you can do it, even when there are times you think you can't.

[ali-gee]

Whether you wanted out of your marriage or not, there is always going to be a sense of loss. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel this. As for your husband moving on....well having another girlfriend doesn't mean he's moved on. Alot of people just cannot be alone. It has been my experience in life that men move into new relationships quicker than women. Doesn't mean a thing, or have a thing to do with you.