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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2010, 12:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
I don't think so. I think that rwm has had some very valid points in several of the threads.

I think that all of us, at some point or another are frustrated by the opposite sex....
I disagree that it has anything to do with gender, it typicall just HAPPENS top be the opposite sex most of the time because typically the discussion here is from and about heterosexual couples. Most people I know don't group all men or all women into one category and judge them all the same based on their sex, rational people are capable of seperating the individual responsible for their frustrations from others who happen to be the same sex.

It drives me batty (and yes, it's a short trip) when people get crappy at all men or all women because of their experience with their spouse who just happens to be of the opposite sex. Anyone can be a crappy partner, parent or person - sex has nothing to do with it. Having to constantly read in almost EVERY thread RWM has bumped the last few days, that all women are horrible manipulative people is getting quite tiresome.

Get counselling or something, deal with your issues but please stop trying to shove us all into one mold.
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Old 09-20-2010, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Anyone can be a crappy partner, parent or person - sex has nothing to do with it.
Sex could have everything to do with why a partner is crappy.

I am just trying to lighten the mood!
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2010, 01:14 PM
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LOL! If that's the issue then maybe you're doing it wrong!
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Old 09-20-2010, 01:32 PM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
LOL! If that's the issue then maybe you're doing it wrong!
Ha! Come to think of it, you are probably right since everything else in our marriage was my fault.

All in jest!
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Old 09-20-2010, 01:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnarX View Post
Ha! Come to think of it, you are probably right since everything else in our marriage was my fault.
No worries, Im in the same boat! 1000 excuses why our marriage didn't work out and it was ALL me! And keeps regurgitating it to me for whatever reasons he sees fit to say this to me... but wants to be friends.

Sorry, I don't like to have friends blaming me for everything I did wrong, who needs friends like that anyways....hee
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Old 09-20-2010, 05:49 PM
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Hey, I'm back.
True, I shouldn't have used profanity. My apologies.
My post was long and I did blame ex-hubbie. I should have simply stated that I supported him for years... and that we struggled. He did leave me as soon as he got job security and a new girlfriend. Yes, I'm in shock, but it's OK, I can deal with that. The point is, for those who think I antagonized the other sex, please (daddies!) don't project yourself in my story and in my ex-husband because the point is: He does NOT want custody! He doesn't!!! He considers visits as doing me a favor. He's not interested in contributing whether in terms of time, energy or money. Every discussion we've had ends up with him turning his back on me and saying "Well you earn more than I do anyway". So, please, do not compare, don't project, and don't think that I'm judging ALL fathers, I'm not, end of the discussion.

BTW, I lived in a foreign country most of my adult life, I'm not from the National Capital Region, and there are not many people I feel comfortable with, enough to talk about the sadness I feel or ask for help. The sudden loneliness is a big part of the "trauma" and shock. Not everybody has the incredible chance to be surrounded by family and good longtime friends. If I could go back to Europe, I would have that social network, but I don't, not here.

Cheers to everyone.
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2010, 06:18 PM
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Welcome back to the forum!! If you aren't too sensitive, you can find a multitude of information and resources available on the site...
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2010, 07:54 PM
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Well that makes it much better for us to give you sympathy and support.

It is unfortunate that your ex does not want to be a parent. There are many of us who get treated like absentee dads, and get screwed.

It is not his choice to support your kids. He helped make them, he has an obligation to support the kids, and it is not you doing this, but the government.

My recommendation to limit any conversations with your ex is just don't have any discussions. You can set up an access point where your child is dropped off and picked up by the parents, and rarely ever see each other. If your child is in school, and it works, for access, use the school or daycare.

Support is easy, just get an order for support based on his income. File for his income information, and then get an order based on it. If he refuses, ask for his income to be imputed. Then have order registered with the FRO, and you never need to discuss it with him. He will then need to deal with them.

As for being here in Canada, I understand fully. I am a Canadian, and was a former member of our military. I have been working overseas from 2001 to 2009, and would prefer to be back overseas. I find the health system to be inferior to what I had in deepest darkest africa. (don't get me wrong the doctors here are great at big issues like a heart attack, but fail at day to day stuff) I got issues with immigration because of my ex wife, and am still waiting to get residency for my current wife. And it is very expensive and cold. I miss fresh fruit every day that just came off the vine. Milk straight from the cow, and meat that was just butchered.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2010, 08:32 PM
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I do earn more than he does. He has an entry-level job (despite undeniable professional qualifications) and I'm at a higher level (he loves to say "2X", but it's not exactly true). But I'm stuck with our common debts (mortgage, etc.) which he won't share. Basically, he told me that he would contribute 1/3 (when? I don't know), but only the essential stuff (he hasn't defined "essential" yet). He won't pay the mortgage because he doesn't "live in the house anymore", so it's not his to pay. It's so irrational, I'm having a hard time understanding what he's allowed to do, what he's not. I'm just afraid I'm going to go bankrupt.

I know he loves his children, that's not the problem. But he's been distancing himself in the last years. I did nothing to encourage this. For years, I've witnessed his distancing attempts with a broken heart. I tried to be both mom and dad, I failed.

The health system is great in Canada. When you have access. But the way the system is organized (or disorganized), it's almost impossible to see a family doctor for a minor illness that nervertheless requires care. Less and less doctors want to become family doctors, because of this poor organization. Mistakes are made because the medical personnel is overwhelmed. It's becoming inhuman.

And as for immigration... sponsorship, etc... I've been through that, glad it's over, will never do that again !!!

Anyway, tks.
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2010, 09:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Yes, he has some valid points, but he keeps lumping all women (or most women) in the same basket and it is getting old.

Stop spewing your breakfast unless you can back it up with facts.
I for one am sick of reading your sexist comments. Just because you write well and can flower it up doesn't mean that it isn't in there.

And even after posting your facts..how the heck is that HELPING ANYONE? We all know there is a bias, we all know that women are more likely to "get the kids", so what's your point? If your posts are not helping someone plan the next step, deal with an ex or whatever, stop pissing all over "most women". I think we've had enough of it in the marriage!

My suggestion for you..get some therapy and start a blog.
Would you like the back up alphabetically or numerically? What Language.

If you read my post, I do help some people with legitimate problems, and I am not sexist when help is needed. If you want just take a look. Maybe I do make too many generalisations, but that is because the system is is soooo flawed.
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