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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-18-2010, 11:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by older/not wiser View Post
I'm stunned with how much morphine he has weaned from in such a short time and yes it is being monitored by his physician.
Maybe he wants to stay with you and he's working hard to do that.
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Old 08-19-2010, 06:24 AM
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sometimes it takes a dose of reality to make someone see the light. Maybe he has realized that you are serious about leaving and now making changes to make it better for you so you will stay.

Good luck to you both
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Old 08-19-2010, 06:45 AM
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older/not wiser, rioe was not being presumptuous. You have used the term "prenup" several times. A prenuptual agreement is an agreement made before marriage setting out and limiting the terms of a divorce later on. "Nuptual" is marriage, pre-nuptual is pre-marriage.

When you say that you want a prenup, it comes across that you are doing one of two things: You are considering staying with hijm and are taking steps to cover a possible marriage breakdown later on, or else you have made up your mind to leave but you are going to deceive him and then take him to the cleaners.

What you really seem to want is a separation agreement. You have made up your mind to leave and you want the terms of splitting up written down. There is nothing wrong with this, but you can't say cat when you mean dog and then get snappy when people talk about cats.
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Old 08-19-2010, 10:14 AM
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It was not my intention to come across as presumtuous, but you gave us limited information so I had to do some guesswork. I wasn't confused by your misuse of the term pre-nup. My main goal was to point out that you and he do not seem to be on the same page. You mentioned that he put his insurance and pension in your name, and that he's weaning himself from the morphine, and these actions are not those of someone expecting a separation. It sounds like he's working towards reconciliation by addressing the issues you brought up with him. And by promising him you'd stay with him to see this through, that provides more hope to him that he can salvage the relationship. Yet, you also mention that you want all compensation coming to you for being his caregiver over the years, and having him put his financials in your name right when you are intending to separate is verging on fraud. If it's unclear to us if you are going for separation or not, it's probably unclear to him as well, and that should be something you want to rectify instead of giving him false hopes.

You didn't have any specific questions in your post for us to address, so I went with general advice that took into account both possibilities, separation or not.

You and he are both going through a very difficult and emotional time with this situation and are faced with a lot of choices. There's no right or wrong decision to make at this point. Being a full-time caregiver can be a huge burden, especially with a patient who appears ungrateful. Have you thought about seeking counselling for that particular stressor in your life? You may find this helpful, and in addition to the improvements he is working to make for you, you could develop some perspective and certainty regarding your situation.
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Old 08-19-2010, 10:35 AM
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I do hope if there are significant financial changes going on like him switching his insurance and pension to your name that he has some independant legal counsel advising him on whether or not it is a good idea. With him being highly medicated he wouldn't be in the best position to evaluate the financial implications of doing so and he could in the future use that to overturn any changes that were made if he was coerced to sign over his money while under the influence of prescription drugs.
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Old 08-19-2010, 09:10 PM
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@blink and I'm gone, no he is not under such heavy medication he doesn't know what's going on. OTH, he does drink too much and I can't stand it. His lawyer is aware of our situation.

I have now displaced/herniated 3 discs with lifting him over the years, I have carpal tunnel, inflammation in my knees or better known as arthritis, I am pushing 60 and left my career long ago, to be his caretaker. I definitely will make sure I am financially secure, as is my right, as is my due.

If he does not comply with my request to quit drinking, there is no doubt I will eventually leave, but only after, I have secured my financial future. That is succinct. Meantime, his efforts have impressed me, but I have a limited patience factor, I have been dealing with this for many years, and I know my limits. Does he know mine? I don't know, but he better figure it out.
As I said in my first post, he is truly the most interesting mind/conversationalist/pro-feminist man I have ever met, so yes, I will hang in. Integrity is a factor as well. I do not want him to attend with me my daughter's 24th B-day party her bf's parents are throwing, as he is currently an embarrassment to me. No, this is not about Jones/Smith/NIMBY shit, truly he is mushed in the head and I just don't have the patience I did in my 40's.
Sorry if I was lacking in information, but I am scared, and I wondered if this site was all pro-guys who feel burnt, or if it was really egalitarian and equal.
I appreciate all comments, every one. Thank you. At least I can have a space where I can just tell it like it is without being constantly tailed.
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Old 09-25-2010, 04:30 PM
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lol...as you will see from reading the threads, we all have our pro-men and pro-women "moments"...but I think getting information and discussing issues from both sides affords an understanding of a position that perhaps one had not considered before...
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