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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2014, 06:56 PM
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OK, haven't figured out how the quotes work so will respond to the best of my ability as a group. First of all, Thank You all for the suggestions and comments (except the sleeping with my neighbour...while technically correct, that is not an accurate representation of the situation).

Yes, initially things were fairly amicable and ex and I agreed to the basic framework we have in place re: kids and house. It works well, he has never attempted to restrict my access to kids or house. He was fine and we could talk while he had a romantic interest but turned hostile again when that fizzled. The abuse I referred to was verbal and had been ongoing (almost always under the influence) for over a decade, it never escalated to physical although I feared it would and I left when it got too stressful.

I am working with an experienced lawyer and he did not see any problem with me leaving mat. home though he also feels I have been too generous. Ex CAN afford to carry the current home with benefit of my equity and could not hope to get any comparable space for less than he is paying now, I am willing to facilitate this until both are finished high school so that kids don't have to move, I just feel this is better for everybody when looking at the big picture.

Kids are teenagers, I am not worried about custody issues and don't expect this will go to court. They spend time at each house as it suits them...son has never likes sleeping anywhere else, daughter is here overnight frequently. As for my availability, yes I do work. I am fortunate to have a position where my presence in office is entirely at my discretion, I can come and go as I please and often work from home. Accountant, I have been privy to many separation agreements so have a decent idea of what can be...

As for ex's 2nd lawyer ??!! no clue. I would guess maybe his lawyer concurred with some of my points when I responded to the draft agreement and ex didn't agree himself. The basic draft re: kids/house was pretty good. Cottage/property division issues I didn't like to be described in a separate post/forum.
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Old 01-20-2014, 07:19 PM
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Quote:
except the sleeping with my neighbour...while technically correct, that is not an accurate representation of the situation)
Didn't need to dignify that with a response it was inappropriate, I was just struck by the irony. Sorry in any case.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2014, 07:37 PM
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I get it, no worries!
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Old 01-20-2014, 11:44 PM
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I mean, there are a few of neighbours I'd sleep with but I don't think I'd be popular in the community - if you sleep with enough of your neighbours you get promoted from "Home Wrecker" to "Neighbourhood Destroyer"....
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Old 01-21-2014, 12:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rollingesto View Post
He was fine and we could talk while he had a romantic interest but turned hostile again when that fizzled. The abuse I referred to was verbal and had been ongoing (almost always under the influence) for over a decade, it never escalated to physical although I feared it would and I left when it got too stressful.
This part just jumped out at me because I've got a little bit of been-there-done-that in that respect. You probably know this already, but if your ex has a substance problem, at his (presumed) age it's probably not going to get better, and as it gets worse his behavior will become more and more erratic. People with substance-abuse issues, whether it rises to actual addiction or not, can be much more unpredictable and vindictive than "ordinary" people. All the more reason for you to hammer out a firm, ironclad legal agreement which spells out in precise detail exactly how you will conduct your shared parenting lives, including "sunset" clauses for disposing of the marital home once the kids are out of high school.

If you are being "too generous" or relying on day-to-day improvised arrangements, that works fine when the ex is doing okay, but the day may come when you want a solid legal document behind you when he hits a downward spiral (for instance, I think mcdreamy is right that you could be vulnerable to table CS if you don't have an agreement which clearly states shared parenting, and your ex decides to go for maximum money).
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